28 Years, 28 Lessons Taught By Life
The more life we live, the more lessons we learn on the way! Here are 28 important things you need to learn in life!
By: Deveney Marshall
It seems like just yesterday I was a little girl ready to embrace all of the many things life had to offer, so to think that I turned 28 last week is mind-boggling. Over the years, I’ve been blessed to have some incredible experiences, and of course, I’ve had some not-so-great ones as well. All in all, I’ve learned some important lessons along the way, and though I wish I could have avoided learning some of them, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if I hadn’t had those experiences.
In honor of the 28 years I’ve been on this earth, I’ve listed 28 grand lessons life has taught me thus far below.
1. Be Yourself. (Everyone else is already taken.)
In life we can fall into the trap of thinking we need to be someone else to make it in this world, but I’ve learned the only thing you need to stand out is being unapologetically yourself.
2. Happiness comes from within.
A lot of people were conditioned to believe happiness is something that can only be created with the help of someone else or from material things, but I’m here to tell you that is very wrong. Genuine happiness comes for deep within you, and it can only be felt after self-reflection, self-work, and acceptance.
3. Whatever you put out into the universe, you will get back. (Whether it be good or negative energy.)
Karma is not a fictitious thing, it is very real, and what you display in this life will always come back to find you. Try to always put out the type of energy you want to receive from others.
4. Everything is not for everybody. (Just because something is the status quo, doesn’t mean you need to have that thing as well.)
In life, and especially in this day and age of social media, we all believe we have to have the same goals, lifestyles, and experiences but your life should be tailored to the person you are. You don’t have to partake in anything that doesn’t feel right to you.
5. It’s okay not to be perfect.
Thanks to social media it’s very easy for everyone to portray a picture perfect life, but this journey we call life has many ups and downs, and no one is immune to experiencing either one.
6. Stop worrying about having it all together. (You will figure it all out, in due time, and if you never figure it out that’s okay too.)
Your twenties are for learning, trial & error, and growing, you do not have to have every detail of your life perfectly put together. Everything will happen just as it’s supposed to.
7. If it doesn’t feel right within your soul do not do it.
Over the years I’ve had to learn to trust my intuition more than ever before, and one thing I can say is if you listen to it, it will never steer you wrong.
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8. It’s okay to have different friends for different things. (Just don’t forget the people that have been there for you since day one.)
As my career grows, the friendships I have expanded as well. I now have industry friends, blogger friends, and of course my faithful friendship circle. They all play different roles and bring something different to my life. I know we’ve all been taught that having a multitude of friends isn’t good, but as I grow older I realize it’s necessary. It’s important to have different friends to go to for different aspects of your life.
9. Don’t push yourself into something you know you are not ready for.
I often see people allow themselves to be pushed in paths they know they aren’t ready to take yet. No one knows what’s best for you quite like you do. Listen to your intuition when it comes to the steps you want to take next in life.
10. Dreams do come true.
I’ve always been a person who believed dreams can come true, and over the last few years I’ve learned just how true that is. If you work hard and keep God first, everything you want in this life can become yours.
11. Take care of your body, and it will be good to you.
When you’re young, taking care of your health can be the last thing on your priority list. The sooner you care for your body by watching what you consume, you’ll immediately see a positive change within yourself.
12. Relationships are hard work and should be taken seriously.
A lot of people view relationships as something to do when there’s nothing to do, but they are not that simple. Real relationships take commitment, honesty, and two already complete individuals to have the best outcome. If you know you’re not ready to give that to someone, enjoy your own company and just casually date until you are.
13. Savor each and every moment of life.
None of us know how long we all will be on this earth, spend as much time enjoying your life as possible.
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14. Don’t allow society to determine who you’re supposed to be.
You have the right to be whoever you want to be in life whether it makes sense to others or not, remember that.
15. Surround yourself with beautiful, kindred souls.
The people you allow in your life will always have an affect on you as a person, make sure the individuals you allow into your spaces leave you feeling uplifted and empowered.
16. Your word is all you have.
I grew up being told ”your word is your bond.” Do not tell someone you are going to do something and don’t.
17. Be kind to your skin.
Taking care of your skin early on is a must, and the secret to remaining youthful forever. Make sure you exfoliate, moisturize, and drink lots of water.
18. Music makes everything in life better.
What you listen to has the power to turn any situation around, and set the entire tone for your life.
19. Don’t ask for respect, demand it.
Experience has taught me when you take yourself seriously, everyone else does also, don’t go around asking for respect from others, show why you deserve it instead.
20. Don’t force something that’s not meant to be.
When something is truly meant to be, it will naturally happen, and always fall right into place.
21. Take time to meditate every week.
Caring for your mental health is one of the most important things we can do for our survival. Do whatever makes you feel most centered on a weekly basis. If your soul is not well, your life will not be either.
22. Be grateful.
We tend to equate being grateful with remaining humble but I’m here to tell you no matter where you are in your life you are blessed. Never forget that.
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23. You don’t know everything, and you never will.
Even the most highly accoladed scholars don’t know everything there is to know about life. Life is a constant journey of learning and evolving, and you should be doing both as long as you are breathing.
24. Know when to listen, and know when to disregard.
As a type a Virgo, I’m always “on it.” I’m one of those people that can gather all I need to know with just one glance and one listen, however over time I had to learn it is not wise to be this way. It’s okay to take heed to the advice of others and hear what they gathered from an experience as well. Do you have to negate what you believe? Not at all, but it’s important to listen to the viewpoints of others.
25. You will fail and you will be fine.
The older I become, the more I learn that failure is inevitable. Not everything will work out the way you envisioned and that’s okay, God usually has a better plan for you anyway.
26. Life is filled with an equal amount of ups and downs.
We’ve been conditioned to believe either a person can be one thing or the other, however, that is false. Just as people are a multitude of things, so is life. We will experience many emotions on this journey, both good and bad, and sometimes at the same time.
27. PRAY OFTEN.
Pray all day, every day. Even when you don’t feel a prayer is needed, pray. Prayer changes things.
28. God will always have your back, always.
God created each and every one of us for a specific reason. We all have purpose, and God will always be here to help us fulfill them. There isn’t a moment on this earth God is not there, you just have to learn to trust and believe that.
I hope the wisdom I’ve gained over the years helps you on your journey. Now ask yourself what lessons has life taught you through the years?
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The Power Of Your Thoughts: How To Manifest Your Own Reality
To change your reality, you need to change the way you think and what you think. Manifesting the life you want starts with understanding the power of your thoughts!
“Today I begin a new life for I am the master of my abilities and today is going to be a great and beautiful day!”
By: Omar Cook
We live in a society that is more advanced than ever, but with these new advancements come more distractions. The millennial generation is pushing society into the next level of humanity, which includes the freedom of thought and expression, and tearing down old societal norms. In a world that’s extremely fast paced, it seems that people are on a quest to get somewhere fast, always on the move, and always looking for the next advancement in their career and life. The quest for the next best thing in life can take a toll on you mentally if you don’t have the proper mindset for the journey you’re on.
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Where exactly are you going? Do you even know? Have you thought about it? Can you see what the destination looks like? If you can’t see where you’re going it’s virtually impossible to get there. Understand that the power of your thoughts will take you exactly where you want to go in life. The way you perceive things in your mind whether positive or negative will be manifested in your life.
Whether you accept this fact or not, as humans, your mind is connected to the universe. The energy you give off vibrates through you and sends messages to the world around you. How many times have you thought, “I’m going to get pulled over” and it actually happened? What about when you had someone on your mind and instantly you received a text or call from that person? The energy and thoughts you put out will always come back to you, whether instantly or eventually.
Training your mind to think positive and think progressively takes practice but mastering this can help you change the world around the you. You can literally create your own reality and manifest the life you want to have. Sounds cliche but it’s a simple truth. You might ask" “well why hasn’t this happened for me yet?” Whatever you’ve been praying and hoping for hasn’t happened yet because you don’t believe in it enough to keep pushing through to manifest it. If you can see it in your mind, it can be had and created. The next step after a creative vision is to work for it, work through it, and watch the vision you have manifest into reality. Nothing good comes easy, but with time, patience, and creativity, you can create yourself a better life.
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Two easy ways to practice training your mind is speaking positive affirmations daily and meditation. With daily affirmations, you are speaking life into yourself, your current situation, and your surroundings. What comes out of your mouth is a direct correlation to what’s going to happen in your life. Meditation is time spent with yourself in a quiet environment that allows you to step away from distractions and focus on your vision. It is in this time that you can spend seeing what it is you’re looking to attract in this world and play it out in your mind.
The daily distractions of this world keep people from vibrating on their highest frequency and seeing themselves clearly. If you don’t see yourself for who you are, the creator that you are, it’s impossible to create your own reality. You become what you think about. If you want to know who are going to be in 5 years, listen to how you speak about yourself now. Listen to what comes out of your mouth.
To change your environment, you need to change the way you think and what you think. Focus on what’s positive and open up your mind to allow what seems impossible to become possible. Understand the power of your thoughts and how your reality is already set out for you if that’s what you believe.
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13 Tips You Need To Know To Master Self Discipline
Mastering self discipline is essential for your journey to be successful. Here are 13 tips you need to know to master self discipline!
By: Omar Cook
Mastering self discipline is essential for your journey to be successful. If you have any aspirations of operating at the top of your niche, it is important that you conquer yourself first. The most successful people are masters of their time and discipline and don't you want to be successful? Here are 13 tips you need to know to master self discipline, and should you apply these to your life, you will be sure to be on the right track to be successful!
1. Determine What Goals to Set
What are your goals in life? Effective goal setting and setting realistic goals are keys for how to attain success in life. In order to master self discipline, you must first determine what goals to set! Start by setting the ultimate goal, the most important goal. This is your dream goal. Every other goal after this should be a step towards achieving your ultimate goal.
2. Breakdown Your Ultimate Goal
Create a list of goals to set for yourself, that reflects what you want to achieve for your ultimate goal. We all have goals and aspirations, but not everyone understands how to set goals and achieve them. Smart goal setting can eliminate a lot of time spent trying to figure things out for yourself. Time is money, and having the right set of goals can help you focus and maximize your time. Writing down your goals so that you can look at them daily makes them real for you!
3. Create a Daily Plan to Achieve Your Goal
What will you do to achieve your goals? Optimizing the goal setting process for success is bigger than just initially creating a list of goals! Working towards your goal is a daily process and requires work and discipline. Create a daily plan for how you will achieve your goals. This can be a schedule that you create for yourself to get things done by a certain time and stay on point. It can also include a list of objectives to accomplish for the day that ultimately brings you closer to achieving the main goal. A daily plan is a template for accomplishing a certain goal within that 24 hours.
4. Eliminate Distractions and Temptations
Eliminate your potential distractions and temptations from your work environment. Put yourself in an environment that will allow to focus! Sometimes turning off the phone and television can be what's best at a time that work needs to be done. Managing distractions is a necessary key for time management. There can be many distractions while working that can be present, but overcoming the temptation to get off task is a major step to mastering self discipline. Train your brain to focus even when it desires to wander elsewhere!
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5. Prioritize The Goal Before Anything Else
You have to constantly ask yourself, "How will I achieve my goals?" Accomplishing your goal should be the most important thing to you and if you're doing things that aren't helping you get closer to your goal, you need to refocus. Mastering self discipline requires focus, and structure. If you're really serious about your goal, cutting out some time from other activities so that you can spend more time progressing toward your goal is essential to your success.
6. Don't Wait For it to Feel Right
There is never a perfect time to do anything! Don't let fear or lack of knowledge in an area prevent you from taking a step towards your goal! Sometimes it's best to just go for it and make mistakes as you go, learn on the run. If you're always waiting for what seems like the perfect time, you will miss out on a lot of potential opportunities.
7. Force Yourself to do it
There will be days where you will be tired, unmotivated and a little burnt out. Take your necessary breaks but push through these times of lack of motivation and force yourself to get some work done. You will feel more accomplished after you're done working rather than thinking that you wish you would have gotten some work done.
8. Find Role Models Who Inspire You
Find people who motivate you to be better than who you already are. Find people who have done what you're trying to do on a high level and study what makes them great! Having the right people who inspire you can take your focus to the next level. Surrounding yourself with like minded individuals who also have similar goals can push you to do better as well. Analyze your environment, who you surround yourself with and make friends with people who are doing better than yourself!
9. Schedule Breaks and Reward Yourself
Taking breaks and resting is just as important as grinding! It's hard to get as much work done as you'd like when you aren't well rested. Schedule your breaks throughout the day and reward yourself for your hard work in some type of way. Keep yourself motivated!
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10. Determine That Failure is Not an Option
Self discipline requires confidence in yourself and faith that you can manifest your ultimate goal no matter what! Create a mindset for yourself that says failure is not an option. Believing that you can't allow yourself to fail will push your hunger for success to another level. Be hungry and go after what you want in an aggressive manner, and leave no regrets. This is not to say that you will not literally fail at something, but having this mindset will push you to bounce back even faster knowing that you're set on being successful. Success is your only option!
11. Keep Track of Your Progress
Keeping track of your progress gives you landmarks to try to reach for yourself. This will allow you to self analyze your production and make the necessary adjustments for improvement. Being able to self evaluate is a major key in determining what kind of success you're having and what needs to be fixed. Keeping track of progress also lets you see when improvements are being made which will keep you motivated to achieving even more success!
12. Set Monthly Milestones
Just like you practice daily goal setting, set monthly milestones that will help you dig deeper into your ultimate goal! Keeping track of your progress will help you to set realistic monthly milestones. Reaching your milestones on a consistent basis will ensure you that you are on the right track and will create a system of success for you. Over the course of a year, if you have met your monthly milestones consistently, you will have had a successful year! Success is the bar that you set for your own accomplishments, so meeting your own milestones and deadlines will guarantee success for yourself!
13. Breaking Bad Habits
Stop doing things that have proven to be non-beneficial for you. Do a self check and analyze the habits that you need to replace with something better. Time is everything and using your time to practice bad habits can be a waste of time for you and create setbacks. Being successful requires doing things that others don't do, and breaking bad habits is a step in the right direction!
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A Dream Deferred, A Purpose to be Fulfilled
Society has placed pressures on women to live a certain life by a certain age! Danielle Wright discusses her journey to living out her purpose and not being constrained by society’s expectations for women!
“There were moments this year where I really questioned what God was doing and why. Why was I going through all this and watching some of my life-long dreams slip away from me?”
By: Danielle Wright
Growing up, I thought I would be married with kids by now. I thought I would be living the life I lived growing up – traveling the world with my husband and kids, getting together with my brother and his family so that our kids would grow up together. Now, I look at my life and see that my plans were grand, but maybe not what my life was supposed to be. Let society tell it, I’ve failed as a woman and there is something wrong with me for not even being married at this point. I am a 36-year-old, single, black, Christian woman and let church folks tell it, I might be intentionally delaying my destiny.
Either way, for some reason, it seems that women are expected to live a certain life by a certain age and if we are not doing so, something must be wrong with us. This thinking – along with some of the comments directed at me – left me quite jaded for some years. Over the last few years, I really became beside myself with the things people say – no – think they have the right to say – to women. My mood had become – “Stay off my ring finger and out of my reproductive system.” I was mean because I felt disrespected.
I had to often hold my tongue so I would not say things that would intentionally hurt others, but sometimes I asked why they felt they could ask me these questions. The response was always something related to what they thought or believed a woman of my age and intelligence and whatever else should be or have. They always thought it was a compliment, but it was more a reminder that my life was not what I thought it would be… until recently.
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2018 has brought some really tough challenges for me. One of those challenges was the realization I could not have children – so all those questions about when I was going to get married and put my reproductive system to use stung even more than ever before. And while these people do not know what my situation is, it should not have mattered. There are just some things you should never say to people – asking single women why we are not married and telling us we should be having kids by now are at the top of that list (for me). Quite frankly, it’s none of anyone’s business. Some people mean well, but others are just being nosey and want to provide input and advice where they were not asked and where it is not their place.
There were moments this year where I really questioned what God was doing and why. Why was I going through all this and watching some of my life-long dreams slip away from me? Was this really what He had for me? Was this truly my destiny? I always assumed I would get married and birth some beautiful, intelligent, athletic babies – I wanted a house filled with kids. I wanted my own starting lineup! As time went on this year, I became more aware that the situation I was facing would not only threaten those dreams but kill those dreams. In May, the dream of birthing my own children was officially ousted. I was, and still am, crushed. But in my brokenness, I found something greater.
In my brokenness I found - ME.
The discomfort and the pain forced me to face a fear – the fear of living this life without fulfilling one of my greatest dreams. Deep down I know I can be a mother in so many other ways but, while I was processing this situation, I didn’t care anything about alternative means of motherhood. I wanted kids the way I wanted and was inconsolable to alternatives. But in the midst of this pain – in the midst of deep mourning and uncertainty, I found a version of myself I had never met -- stronger, more determined and more resilient. I found a version of myself that refused to succumb to my own pain or buy into anyone else’s expectations.
I truly began to see myself as a whole woman made in the image of God, not in the eyes of society. I saw myself as the alternative - having a desire to marry and have a family yet understand and being at peace with the fact that I am no less a woman if those things do not happen. I began to speak over myself the things that God said I am (Proverbs 31, Proverbs 11:16, Titus 2:3-5, Matthew 5:1-12, Psalm 8:3-8, Deuteronomy 10:17-19, and more). It’s so easy to get caught up in what others think of you and pressure yourself to fit into a mold not meant for you.
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My brokenness helped me break the mold. It helped me cry out to God in ways and with a frequency to which I was not accustomed. But I found a newer version of me - an improved version. I was finally able to accept the alternative methods of motherhood and understood that I could not have mothered anyone in my condition. I suddenly had a deeper and completely raw understanding of letting go of what I want in order for God to give me everything I need.
In May 2018 I underwent life-changing surgery. It was not what I wanted, but it was what I needed. It shifted my health and began the process of healing from a condition that had overtaken my existence - I was fatigued, in constant excruciating pain, bleeding uncontrollably and randomly and on treatments that my body was rejecting, rendering them ineffective and useless. As time has gone on since the surgery, I have learned the following:
God is greater than our plans. His forward-thinking and ability to see the best for us causes Him to work things out for us in ways that are truly beneficial for us, even if we cannot immediately recognize that work.
Our purpose is not tied up in what we’ve been through or what others say about us. Our purpose is intricately and delicately planned by God and no one’s opinion can change what He has purposed us to do.
Motherhood is more than conceiving, carrying and birthing. It is one of the most pure and divine forms of love anyone can give or receive. It is not determined by a woman’s ability to physically give birth, rather it is the ability to put yourself to the side, sacrifice, nurture, care for and raise up another human being to be the best version of themself. Women are so much more than our reproductive systems and, no matter how faulty, we are still fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God.
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God has not forgotten me. I believe He is preparing a means for me to be a mother to children who desperately need the love and care that only a mother can provide. Moreover, I know He took me through some low points to show me that neither hell, high water, low valleys, dark nights nor mourning can keep me from living in my purpose. What He has predestined for me to be, I shall be and He has equipped me with everything I need to live in that purpose.
God takes everything we are, everything we’ve been through and everything we need and creates this beautiful masterpiece - unique, beautifully flawed, priceless. I look back on what I’ve overcome and see that each stroke of God’s brush - the pain, the courageous moments, the health scares, the uncertainty, the anger and all that followed by moments of triumph, victory and joy - brought me to the point where I can now stand in the face of those things that once worried and upset me and say, “My purpose is sure.”
Physically birthing a child passed me over, but I am grateful God has held my position and reaffirmed my purpose - to be a mother.
John 15:16 - “You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you.”
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7 Powerful Affirmations For Black Millennials
Powerful affirmations are necessary for a healthy mindset and in this day and age, black millennials need positive reinforcement! Here are 7 powerful affirmations for black millennials that will help you have the right state of mind!
By: Omar Cook
Powerful affirmations are necessary for a healthy mindset and in this day and age, black millennials need positive reinforcement! Daily positive affirmations can help propel you into a positive state of thinking which can be a key factor in your success and happiness! Here are 7 powerful affirmations for black millennials that will help you have the right state of mind!
1. I can face whatever obstacle that comes my way
African American people by design have to jump through more hoops than others. But that’s okay, God didn’t give you more than you can handle! Take a positive approach to every situation and and take every adverse situation head on! There is nothing too big for you to handle!
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2. My Black is beautiful
Whatever shade of melanin you are, you are top notch! Never let anyone tell you different. You are a king, a goddess, and your skin holds power that your ancestors passed down to you! Embrace your skin and live in royalty, the way you were meant to live!
3. I am better than I was yesterday
No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes! One of your everyday goals should be aiming to be better than you were yesterday! Don’t make the same mistakes twice and learn from every situation. Success is guaranteed if you do things just a little bit better each day! What can you switch up in your routine and what do you need to cut out to propel you forward?
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4. I will not let society dictate who I am
Society has tried to engrain into the minds of American people, that black people are inferior, but guess what? That’s fake news! No fake stereotype should ever dictate who you truly are as a person! Your greatness will overshadow every naysayer and every negative comment meant to drag you down! You are not inferior so don’t let the lies of this country bring you down! Walk in power and confidence!
5. I am here for a reason
That’s right, you are here for a reason! You were born where you born at that exact location and time for a reason. You were born to the parents you have for a reason. You were born in the skin you walk in for a reason! You were born in this very time frame in history for a reason! Focus on finding your purpose in life, and live out who God called you to be! Do not go through this life waiting for something to happen! Making a difference in the world is your calling, so use the gifts and talents God gave you and start making positive changes today! Your time is now.
6. I will live life to the fullest
You can live everyday to the fullest while still working towards your goals! Do not be so consumed by work every minute of the day that you lose sight of living the best life possible! Happiness comes from daily life experiences. Do not miss out on true happiness by working yourself to death. Grind with a purpose, but prioritize time for yourself over anything!
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7. I am unstoppable if I set my mind to it
Being unstoppable is a mindset! Set your mind on things above your expectations, and believe you are a conqueror! The sooner you believe this, the sooner the doors to your dreams will open up! One success leads to another, and putting together a string of successes will give you all the confidence you need to take over the world. You are what you think, and if you believe you are anything less than unstoppable, you will be just that! Your mind will defeat you before anyone else. Take control of your mind and watch the world unfold in front of you!
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Change Your Mood: 6 Tips To Uplift Your Spirit
Being stuck in a bad mood can keep you from being who you need to be! Here’s 6 ways to help you change your mood and uplift your spirit!
By: Alyssa Cole
Having a hard day at work and everything just seems to be keeping you down? Does your family get on your nerves? Just got a bad grade on an assignment you worked hard on? Any one of these scenarios are an easy way to damper a mood! But how are you getting rid of that frown and bringing back a smile? Here’s some ways to help you get out of a bad mood and uplift your spirit!
1. Inspirational Reading Quotes
One of my favorite things to do is write quotes or search for quotes online. Positive words and affirmations are a great way to change your perspective and mood on a lousy situation. Words after all create thoughts that create actions!
>> SEE ALSO: Never Apologize For Your Self Confidence And Self Esteem
2. Dress With Confidence
Wear that something that you know you look great in! How you put yourself together can really impact your self esteem especially depending on if you feel you look nice in your outfit. Nothing is wrong with taking a few minutes to put a nice outfit together with your favorite perfume/cologne to match! Who doesn’t feel good when they know they look good right?! Wear clothes that make you feel good! This is a sure tip to uplift your spirit.
3. Listen to Upbeat Music
Listening to music that gets you moving is a nice way to shift your mood from sad to happy. Be selective about what you listen to because music is powerful. Instead of listening to a sad love song, turn on your favorite empowering song or your go to playlist for when you’re going out that you know will have you dancing in your seat and uplift your spirit!
4. Exercise Makes You Feel Good
Have you ever heard someone say they felt way better after they work out? For many this is true! It’s something about putting your frustrations and issues from the day into a nice lifting session or run on the treadmill. This is an immediate spirit lifter! However you blow off some steam in the gym, try that routine to help you clear your mind, get active, and change your mood!
5. Get Some Fresh Air
Sometimes something as small as taking a break to step outside and take in that amazing sun while looking at that clear blue sky, does something to the mind. It can help relax your mind as well as bring you a sense of peace. Depending on the person, being out in nature can really help soothe and calm one’s body and spirit. Taking a moment to get some fresh air is an easy way to uplift your spirit!
>> SEE ALSO: Benefits of Meditation: Practicing Stillness Is Good For The Body
6. Talking To Friends
Talking to someone that you know has a reputation of motivating and uplifting others is a great way to help you get out of bad mood. We have people that come to mind even if it’s someone you admire on social media that is encouraging. Talking to friends who a positive spirit is a sure way to uplift your spirit. Take the time to speak or listen to that friend that has a way of cheering you up when you find yourself down!
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Never Apologize For Your Self Confidence And Self Esteem
“Am I good enough?” is a question people often ask about themselves. Finding peace within is extremely important for your self confidence and self esteem! Deveney Marshall discusses her journey to discovering her self worth!
By: Deveney Marshall
I haven’t always been the strong, self-assured, and confident woman that I am today. I can recall a time in my life where I was so lost and confused on what it even meant to be a confident woman. Growing up, I was always surrounded by such beautiful and strong women, who without even saying one word commanded the attention of everyone every time they walked into a room. Something I always wanted, but never quite understood how to build confidence on this level.
When I got to my teen years, like most people I began to second-guess everything about me, and truthfully I began to ask the age old question “Am I good enough?” I would pick myself apart physically and mentally. It didn’t matter how much others complimented me, I never quite believed them. I almost felt like they saw me as severely flawed and only told me positive things out of pity. This way of negative thinking lasted until maybe my sophomore year of college.
At 19, I began to learn about the art of Kabbalah. Kabbalah means to receive, and is the ancient wisdom that reveals how the universe and life work. It teaches you how to find purpose in life and self fulfillment. A huge part of Kabbalah is reciting positive affirmations. I began to really sit with myself, meditate, and learn why I felt such negative things about myself. I started practicing daily affirmations that focused on how to find inner peace and how to build self worth within myself.
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After about a month or so of reciting my daily affirmations, I started believing others when they complimented me because I began to see my inner beauty. I began to realize perfection is not attainable and that I am a work of art created by God himself (or herself) and that alone makes me good enough. I stopped apologizing for my beliefs and morals. I stopped caring about other people's opinions and perception of who I am. I began to truly see myself, my real self, and love the woman who I saw in the mirror everyday.
Cut to now, I am probably the happiest I have ever been with myself. When I say I love me, hunty I love me! I am so proud of the woman that I’ve grown into, and I will never apologize for being authentically myself. I've gotten to this space in life where I now know if someone doesn’t like me, it has nothing to do with me but everything to do with them. As my good friend Hébert would say “Hunni, they just can’t take, and that’s okay.” So call me conceited, vain, and any other similar adjective. I’ve worked incredibly hard to become the empowered woman that I am today, and I refuse to apologize for having such a beautiful, bold, and bright aura.
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If you haven’t gotten to this place of sanctity please know that it is okay. It takes time, and is not something that will happen overnight. Finding peace within yourself is not an easy thing, but it is extremely necessary. It’s the only true way you will grow. I promise you that one day you will get there.
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Remember being beautiful has nothing to do with physicality, but everything to do with who you are on the inside. Truly beautiful people have a light that comes from within them. They have an energy that is unmatched. And they have a spirit that is so captivating you can feel the happiness that lies within their soul.
Now go out find your inner peace, find your happiness, and most importantly find your self-worth...and don’t you ever apologize for it!
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3 Tips To Overcoming And Breaking Bad Habits
Breaking bad habits are critical success factors on the road to success! Here are 3 tips on how to break bad habits!
By: Alyssa Cole
Have you found yourself doing things that you said you were going to stop doing? You said you were going to stop eating fast food? Or that you would stop drinking? You said you were going to leave that one person alone? That you would stop procrastinating? Let’s face it, we all want to do better, but sometimes we don’t always act on it. Why is that? Maybe it’s because were comfortable with the habits that we have created. How long does it take to form a habit? They say it takes between 21-28 days to create a habit which may sound like a long time to some people, but it’s actually very short! I’m sure we all have things that we wish we didn’t do, but we just need a little help on breaking old habits. Here’s 3 tips to overcome bad habits to get you on a path to a better life.
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Be True to Yourself
Know when something could trigger the habit your trying to work on. Say you want to stop drinking, but want to go out with your friends to a house party. Now you knew going to that party was going to end up with you being tempted to drink so why did you still go? More than likely it was because you weren’t be honest with yourself about what you can and can’t handle. Are you being honest with yourself when trying to break this bad habit? Always take a moment to ask yourself is this a good idea or is this going to potentially end up with me wishing I didn’t do it.
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Change Your Environment
Sometimes a new scenery is just what you need to start on a fresh path. Say you’re going out to the casino but you know you have a bad bit of saving money. Guess what? You’re setting yourself up to fail! Instead find local places that don’t require spending a lot of money or any money at all while still having a good time! We hear people say they are a product of their environment every day and it’s understandable that where you are can in fact impact you. Just remember that you as a person decide if you will allow your environment to impact you and your lifestyle so put yourself in good environment where you can make smart and beneficial decisions for your life.
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Set Realistic Expectations
Breaking bad habits will never happen in a day. Depending on the habit, it could takes weeks or even months. Taking slow but steady steps will still lead you to the finish line! Say you’re trying to stop smoking. Instead of trying to go cold turkey by completing cutting out cigarettes, which could potentially have you very irritated and on the edge, try little steps like smoking less amounts of cigarettes as each week goes by. Use this example and relate it to your bad habit. Take each week to work on cutting back more and more on it, so that before you know it’ll be gone and you’ll be on your way to better living!
By remembering that you are in control of your mind and your body, you will be able to tackle your bad habits and be on your way to success. Change doesn’t happen in a day, but the first step to being better is to acknowledge the issue and then find ways to come up with a solution!
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You Attract What You Are: Using The Law Of Attraction To Better Your Life
You attract what you are and to attract better things in life, you have to make life changes and understand the law of attraction! Here are some tips that will guarantee great success and an abundant life!
By: Omar Cook
To attract better things in life, you have to become a better you and change your life around! Sounds simple right? A lot of what you attract and who you attract to your life has to do with your energy and what you're putting into the universe. The law of attraction is real, and you will attract exactly what it i you're looking for if you set your energy towards that. Have you ever left a relationship, got into a new relationship and felt like you were dating the same person or dealing with the same issues? Has one drastic negative event happened in your life that led to another negative event and it begins to feel overwhelming? It’s time to change your mindset and your surroundings.
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Successful people do things that put them in the best situations. Many people have problems with how to break bad habits, recognizing your bad habits is important to elevating your life to the next level! We are all searching for ways to have nice things and live an abundant life, and to achieve this we have to be aware of what we put our energy into. Positive energy will more often than not produce positive results. Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we don’t even realize that we aren’t attracting what we need to and that what’s around us isn't healthy. You have to be able to eliminate distractions and go into solitude. To eliminate your distractions, you have to figure out what exactly is a distraction to you. Ask yourself these questions:
What is disturbing my peace?
What am I giving my focus to that I know I can do without?
What takes your attention away from doing what you need to do?
After you figure out the answers to these questions, you will know what needs to go. These answers could be life changing. Practice being in solitude and focus on what makes you happy and what brings you peace. If it disturbs your spirit, most likely you don't need it. This can apply to activities, and people as well. You’re only as good as the people you associate with. If your friends aren’t living up their potential, how is that helping you live up to yours? Where is your motivation to do better if the people around you aren’t pushing you to be better?
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Human nature is to become a product of our environments and our surroundings. Take a look at your inner circle and evaluate; are these the people that are going to help me get to the next level in life? Surround yourself with people who have similar goals to you, and are constantly making positive leaps in their lives. Surround yourself with people that are doing better than you, and watch how your motivation to do better changes.
Positive Affirmations
Smart Goal Setting
Smart goal setting is one of the easiest and most critical keys to getting what you want. You may be asking why is goal setting important? Writing down your goals in life makes them real and you will be on your way to becoming a successful person. Many people are unfamiliar with how to set goals, so here a few tips. Start by writing a list of smart goals; short term goals and long term goals. Next to each of these goals, write down how you plan to accomplish this goal. Post the list somewhere visible where you can see it each and everyday; a healthy reminder that you made a promise to yourself to accomplish something.
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After you accomplish a certain goal, cross it out. This system of goal setting and reading your goals everyday and crossing them out when they're accomplished will push your life to the next level. Success is like a drug; as soon as you get a test of something good you will continue to want more of it. Accomplishing your goals will become second nature to you and positive after positive will begin to happen for you. Just watch how things change in your life!
Postive Affirmations
Speaking positive affirmations into your life everyday is a major key to a mindset shift. Start speaking positive words on your negative situations and your approach to adversity will change. Positive thinking is extremely important for your mindset shift. The power of positive thinking is underestimated, and implementing this into your life will produce positive life changes. Positive affirmations should become a lifestyle. Thinking positive in all situations is how successful people think, and this helps them to accomplish great success. Speaking things into existence is one of the best habits of successful people.
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People are attracted to positive people, and the energy they put out. Nobody wants to be around a debby downer all the time, a party pooper, a mood killer. When you start to speak positive about every situation, the impossible becomes possible so do not underestimate the power of positivity! Break the habit of negative thinking and negative self talk and replace this with positive self talk! What seemed like a major giant, a mountain, now just becomes another hurdle for you to jump over. Positive affirmations are a definite life changer.
How do I attract better and be better? Eliminate distractions. Smart goal setting. Speak positive affirmations and positive self talk. Once your surroundings and habits change, you will change. You will attract better if you become better. This is a process and with every great thing comes work and time but will guarantee that you are a success in life. Speak life into your endeavors and practice good habits! Push through the adversity and become who you were destined to be!
THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO: positive thinking, law of attraction, abundant life, positive affirmations, positive words, the power of positive thinking, smart goals, goal setting
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Benefits of Meditation: Practicing Stillness Is Good For The Body
Living in a world that is constantly on the move and moving fast, we tend to take away from our self-care and mental health care! In so many cases nowadays, people are struggling with self-esteem, self-confidence, and just genuinely being happy! There are many benefits to meditation and practicing stillness will help you to unlock them!
By: Alyssa Cole
In our daily lives we tend to run around from work to hobbies and sometimes don’t end up taking a break from the constant run around. Living in a world that is constantly on the move and moving fast, we tend to take away from our self-care and mental health care. We see in so many cases nowadays people struggling with self-esteem, self-confidence, and just genuinely being happy. But what is missing out of our daily activities? What may be missing is taking a moment to practice stillness. Practicing stillness is one of the major
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Stillness is defined as a lack of movement or sound. Now I know what you may be thinking, I don’t have time to be still because I have XYZ to do! But the real question is, would you make more time to be still if it was good for your long term health? Being still has been known to soothe the nervous system. Very important system in your body right?! You literally can not function properly without a solid nervous system if you think about it.
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Practicing stillness can be done by a variety of activities, whether it is daily meditation, sitting in your favorite place of peace without distractions or noise around while just practicing deep breathing exercises, or even listening to relaxing meditation music as you lay down (not the head bangers y’all!).
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Many people may not realize this but stillness is powerful! It gives us a moment to reflect on our lives and calm down the many thoughts that are in our minds everyday. All the thoughts we have everyday and then over time can put our minds in overload, which is why practicing stillness is so important. Still feel like you don’t know when you could practice stillness? Schedule it! Nothing is wrong with setting a reminder or alarm to take 15 minutes to just breathe and relax your mind. It is so important to not overwork your mind and give it too a rest. Remember, always find a way to make time for self-care because your health truly depends on it. Stillness=peace.
THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO: practice stillness, how to practice stillness meditation, stillness practice, self confidence tips
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Dangers of Social Media: Is Social Media Addiction Real?
Do you get this anxious feeling to keep up with what's going on in the social media world? Addiction is one of the real dangers of social media! Here are some facts you should know about social media addiction!
By: Alyssa Cole
Have you ever found yourself grabbing your phone often to check a notification or alert from one of your favorite social media sites? Do you get this anxious feeling to keep up with what's going on with all of your social media networks? Addiction is one of the real dangers of social media! Many of us experience this on a daily basis. Some people may not realize or want to believe that they may in fact be addicted to social media outlets. Is it strange? In the society we live in, of course not! But is it good? That also gets a answer of of course not. However, lets talk about a few facts you should know about social media addiction.
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210 Million People Are Estimated To Suffer From Internet & Social Media Addictions
This number is constantly growing as technology develops. As stated before, the uses of social media has become a daily part of the average person's life.
Social Media Statistics:
A 2018 study found that teens who spend 5 hours per day using their phones, were twice as likely to experience depressive symptoms vs teens who only dedicate around 1 hour on their phones.
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Young, Single Females Are Addicted To Social Media Apps More Than Any Other Group
A recent study with over 15,000 participants between the ages of 16 and 88 found that being a young, single female was most strongly associated with displaying addictive social media behavior. Addictive social media behavior was also strongly related to narcissistic personality traits and low self-esteem.
71% Of People Sleep With Or Next To Their Mobile Phone. Social media addiction doesn’t just affect behavior during the day; it even damages people’s ability to sleep. A study found that 71% of Americans sleep with or next to a mobile device.
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Some 47 million people in America do not get enough sleep and 55% more teens were sleep deprived in 2015 than in 1991 because of social media today. Exposure to screens before bed is a large factor in exacerbating sleep disorders. 35% of people using phones less than average experienced sleep difficulty compared to 42% of those with average or above average phone usage.
Some of these facts may come as a surprise and some may not, but the real question is what can we do as a community to beat this addiction if at all possible? Will we remember to better our face to face communication more than communication on social media? Will communication ever be as good as it use to be? Will it be more mentally ill and low self-esteem people as time goes on if there isn't a solution found? Many questions can be raised when learning the facts behind social media addiction.
It's important to remember that although social media is a great platform to express yourself, it is an accessory and not a necessity. Taking breaks every few months can be extremely beneficial and could also help you track just how proactive you are without it, as well as help you notice how distracted you are by utilizing it. Are you addicted? If so, what will you do to be better off?
THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO: social media addiction, social media addiction facts, social media addiction study, social media addiction statistics, addicted to social media
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Pursuit of Happiness: Where You Live Is A Key To Happiness
How many times have you heard somebody say that they aren’t really happy with where they live and just need a change of scenery? We discuss why where you live is key on your pursuit to happiness!
By: Alyssa Cole
Sometimes we get so caught up in day to day life to even have a moment to sit down and wonder what would life be like if we left the towns and cities that we have known for our whole lives. Some only dream of moving to better places and some simply hold back due to lack of comfort and knowledge in any other place but where they grew up. Comfort can be safe but dangerous at the same time for your state of happiness.
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Studies from the New England Journal Of Medicine, show that 70% of premature death stems from the environment one is in, lack health care access, and individual behaviors. Take that in for a second. 70%! That is a very high number. Many people may not think that where you live and health blend with each other but in fact it really does!
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How many times have you heard somebody say that they aren’t really happy with where they live and just need a change of scenery? Their hometown has little to offer in resources or employment opportunities? Even that they just simply need to move away and start a new journey? We hear these kinds of statements all the time and they are really signs that it’s time to take a leap of faith, especially if you find yourself saying these things all the time!
Did you know that according to the U.S. Census Bureau, the average American moves at least a dozen times in their lifetime? Now, why is that? I think that there are many answers to this question but one may agree that it’s because the average American doesn’t feel content with where they live and with more opportunities placed in front of them, come reasons to pack their car up and hit the road to the next city! Moving to a new town can be scary, but being willing to take a risk because it can really be worth it, especially if it affects your state of happiness.
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Are you happy with where you live? Have you thought often about moving? I suggest to someone today that if you have been feeling in your spirit to move on from your city or small town, take the necessary steps to steps to change your life and put yourself in a stable financial situation to move forward and try out a new place. Always remember that materialistic items will never make you as happy as solid self care and self love, so make sure to put your happiness and health first! The pursuit of happiness is a journey so don't be afraid to take leaps of faith!
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Embracing Self Love and Learning to Love Your Body
For generations, women have been told that appearance is very important and to be conscious of how they present themselves. Learn to embrace self love and love your body!
By: Alyssa Cole
The modern day woman takes on many tasks. For generations, women have been told that appearance is very important and to be conscious of how we present ourselves. But what about embracing what we were born with? How often do we see in the media to love the skin you're in without enhancing a part of us? Self love and loving your body is extremely important for women today!
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If you watch television, you constantly see advertisements and commercials for beauty enhancements, how to lose weight fast, to get a certain "Look" that you are searching for. Isn't it interesting how often we see things to alter our views on the natural being of our bodies? These ads can subconsciously make us think that something in-fact is lacking within us and without self esteem, can have a big impact on us.
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The Woman in this present time, is constantly told to act a certain way and do, but we see more and more everyday people taking their desired looks and finding shortcuts to achieve which sometimes is good but sometimes also are bad. Women have been doing illegal procedures which have sometimes ended deadly or ended up with damaging effects, some women getting addicted to enhancements, and even people become depressed when looks haven't been achieved.
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I think it's important to remember in this day and age that you have to love the skin you're in. If you want to fix your look, be sure to achieve these desires in healthy and legal ways, and to really ask yourself why you want to change a certain thing about you. Always remember to make decisions on how you look and act solely based on YOU!! I challenge you today to look at things that you want to change about yourself physical, if anything, and ask yourself why? Is it health related? Is it really necessary? What steps will I need to take? Will I be just fine without any changes? From there, do what's best for you but just remember to LOVE YOURSELF!
Self-love is so important especially in a time and era such as the one we live in. Never forget about self-love and self-care!
THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO: embracing your body, self love, self care, beautiful black women images, self love affirmations
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Relaxation Tips: 3 Tips For How To Relieve Stress During The Work Week
Work can become stressful and tiresome for young adults! Here are 3 relaxation tips on how to relieve stress during the work week!
By Alyssa Cole
Sometimes it is so hard to just get a few hours to yourself especially depending on your work schedule.
Worn out? Here are some tips to help you relax during those rough weekdays.
• Yoga For Stress Relief - This has been a popular idea on numerous sites for how to relax more and I must say it does help a lot! Give yourself anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour of yoga or stretching with some relaxing music playing in the background and see how you feel afterward =)
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• Phone Distraction: Put The Phone Down - Yes I know what you’re thinking, she has lost her mind lol but seriously guys you will be surprised how much more you’re relaxed when you turn your phone off or have it on DND for periods of time throughout the day. When I put my phone in another area of the house I end up getting so much more done vs. when my phone is right next to me. We are the generation that is addicted to phones ITS A ILLNESS! So try and resist the urge to always be near it and checking it and you’ll see how more relaxed you feel from just this little gesture. People can wait but your health cant!
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• Relaxing Music - Yesssss! Music has helped me in so many situations to become relaxed and to take some steam off when somebody has pissed me off at work or in my personal life. Music is a form of therapy that is indescribable but so needed. Music makes you feel at ease and a sense of relief depending on what you’re listening to. I personally like R&B, Gospel, Instrumental, and Rap. Somedays I need my church music to help me through and after a long day at work, I need that loud Rap music to keep me pushing. Create a playlist that has all your favorite songs on them and when you’re having a bad day get away from the world and blast that music!
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I hope these 3 tips help you to find more relaxing moments in your day to day routines!
Remember your health and peace of mind is more important than anything else!
[relaxation techniques, relaxation time, relaxation therapy, stress management, stress free, worn out woman]
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Self Care Tips: 3 Tips To Self Healing Emotionally
Self healing and dealing with your emotions is critical to your state of happiness! Here are 3 self care Tips To Self-Healing Emotionally!
By Alyssa Cole
1. Let Go of Your Fear Of Rejection
We are human and no we don't enjoy getting hurt feelings by people people we like, however, don't let your fear or rejection be the reason you don't take chances to express how you feel about someone. If it doesn't work out, you have to tell yourself everything happens for a reason and that better things are coming your way! Start letting go of fear!
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2. Stop Reminiscing
I'm guilty of this one myself! We all have that one person who we think about from time and time and then you find yourself in your feelings and you start to think what if, if we can work it out, and eventually we make things worse! As challenging as this one is, it's important to remind yourself that thinking about past good times can cause emotional distress. It can create mental stress and emotional stress without you even realizing it. Did you know that?! So let's focus on the present now and keep moving forward past the old times.
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3. Failure Is The Key To Success
For some, failing has a huge impact on their pride and self-esteem, and that is not something you want to go through. Your self esteem is important daily and you want to keep it up as high as you can to avoid feeling sorry for yourself because this is what causes depression. Practice flipping failure into success by saying positive affirmations like this "I know I didn't do so good on that test but I'll study harder next time so I can do better." Doesn't that sound better than "I failed this test, I'm stupid." Yes, it sounds wayy better! Constantly flip your failures into success and you'll notice a major difference in your self confidence and self-esteem.
These 3 Tips will help you get that much closer to being where you want to be emotionally!
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THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO: healing emotional wounds, emotional health, healing woman, emotionally strong woman, healthy woman, stress free life
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Meet Deveney Marshall, contributing writer to 247 Live Culture!