Navigating Wins Alone: When Your Biggest Wins Don’t Get Applause
Photo Credit: Poike via iStockphoto.com
By: Jamila Gomez
There comes a point in your life when the wins you prayed for finally show up, but the people you assumed would celebrate with you are nowhere to be found. You look around for the friend you used to call first. You glance at your phone expecting at least one message that says, “I’m proud of you.” Nothing. The silence can make even a joyful moment feel heavy. You find yourself asking why this achievement feels lonelier than the struggle it took to get here.
Many Black women know this story far too well. We work, we fight, we survive, and then when something good finally happens, we stand at the finish line by ourselves. Sometimes the people who watched us climb pretend they did not see us reach the top. Other times they are caught up in their own lives. And in some cases, we outgrew the people who used to clap for us. No matter the reason, having wins with no witness can leave you questioning their value.
This loneliness can hit hard because the world tells us success is meant to be shared. We are taught that joy is supposed to echo. That milestones should be toasted with a room full of people who love you. But the truth is more complicated. Sometimes the win arrives during a season where you are rebuilding your circle. Sometimes the people you thought were permanent were only meant to walk with you through the part of life they understood. And sometimes your growth made your relationships shift in ways you never saw coming.
The hardest part of navigating wins alone is not the silence. The hardest part is the doubt that creeps in. You wonder if the win even counts when no one sees it. You wonder if you should keep striving when the road is this quiet. You wonder if you are allowed to celebrate yourself without feeling silly or self-centered. These questions can pull you back into old patterns, the ones that taught you to shrink yourself so you would not outshine anyone or inconvenience anyone with your joy.
But here is the truth that often gets overlooked: standing alone at the moment of your success does not mean the success is small. It means you outgrew the rooms where your joy used to fit. Sometimes you are being pulled into a life where your wins do not require an audience to be real. They only require you to claim them. When your circle feels thin, your voice becomes the one that matters most.
There is also a quiet power in learning to honor your achievements privately. It teaches you to root your confidence inside yourself instead of waiting for someone else to validate it. It teaches you to mark your own milestones instead of hoping someone else remembers they are important. And it teaches you to sit in gratitude without distraction. That internal grounding becomes a strength that follows you into every new chapter.
At the same time, being honest about the loneliness matters. You do not need to pretend it feels good to celebrate alone. You do not have to be the strong one who never admits she wishes she had a safe place to share her wins. Wanting connection does not make you needy. Wanting witnesses does not make you weak. It makes you human.
The key is to keep going without letting the silence convince you that you are unsupported. Someone out there is looking for the kind of woman who does what you do. Someone out there will hear your story and feel seen. Someone out there will show up with the same energy you pour into others. You are building a life that new people will grow into. And when those connections arrive, you will have a foundation strong enough to hold them.
Your wins are real. Your joy is real. Your growth is real. Even if you are the only one in the room to witness it today. Keep moving. Someone who can hold space for your light is on their way.
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