Never Apologize For Your Self Confidence And Self Esteem
By: Deveney Marshall
I haven’t always been the strong, self-assured, and confident woman that I am today. I can recall a time in my life where I was so lost and confused on what it even meant to be a confident woman. Growing up, I was always surrounded by such beautiful and strong women, who without even saying one word commanded the attention of everyone every time they walked into a room. Something I always wanted, but never quite understood how to build confidence on this level.
When I got to my teen years, like most people I began to second-guess everything about me, and truthfully I began to ask the age old question “Am I good enough?” I would pick myself apart physically and mentally. It didn’t matter how much others complimented me, I never quite believed them. I almost felt like they saw me as severely flawed and only told me positive things out of pity. This way of negative thinking lasted until maybe my sophomore year of college.
At 19, I began to learn about the art of Kabbalah. Kabbalah means to receive, and is the ancient wisdom that reveals how the universe and life work. It teaches you how to find purpose in life and self fulfillment. A huge part of Kabbalah is reciting positive affirmations. I began to really sit with myself, meditate, and learn why I felt such negative things about myself. I started practicing daily affirmations that focused on how to find inner peace and how to build self worth within myself.
After about a month or so of reciting my daily affirmations, I started believing others when they complimented me because I began to see my inner beauty. I began to realize perfection is not attainable and that I am a work of art created by God himself (or herself) and that alone makes me good enough. I stopped apologizing for my beliefs and morals. I stopped caring about other people's opinions and perception of who I am. I began to truly see myself, my real self, and love the woman who I saw in the mirror everyday.
Cut to now, I am probably the happiest I have ever been with myself. When I say I love me, hunty I love me! I am so proud of the woman that I’ve grown into, and I will never apologize for being authentically myself. I've gotten to this space in life where I now know if someone doesn’t like me, it has nothing to do with me but everything to do with them. As my good friend Hébert would say “Hunni, they just can’t take, and that’s okay.” So call me conceited, vain, and any other similar adjective. I’ve worked incredibly hard to become the empowered woman that I am today, and I refuse to apologize for having such a beautiful, bold, and bright aura.
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If you haven’t gotten to this place of sanctity please know that it is okay. It takes time, and is not something that will happen overnight. Finding peace within yourself is not an easy thing, but it is extremely necessary. It’s the only true way you will grow. I promise you that one day you will get there.
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Remember being beautiful has nothing to do with physicality, but everything to do with who you are on the inside. Truly beautiful people have a light that comes from within them. They have an energy that is unmatched. And they have a spirit that is so captivating you can feel the happiness that lies within their soul.
Now go out find your inner peace, find your happiness, and most importantly find your self-worth...and don’t you ever apologize for it!
*Deveney Marshall is a New Orleans-based filmmaker, actress, and freelance writer. She runs the lifestyle & beauty website thedevandthecity.com . Follow her thoughts & life on twitter and IG: @devandthecity