Dealing With Social Anxiety and Micro Aggressions While Black
Social anxiety is real and it manifests in many different forms. Yet to experience this as a Black person, comes with a unique lens to view these interactions through. We discuss it here!
By: Jordan King
It’s been a wild past three years. Things are different and actually, individually we are also pretty different people. We been through some things like it or not and as we begin to really pop back outside, it can come with its own set of setbacks. Especially when we’ve always had a sense of weariness about crowds or being around new (or certain) people and places. Social anxiety is real and it manifests in many different forms. Yet to experience this as a Black person, or any color really, comes with a unique lens to view these interactions through.
With all honesty, from my own personal observation, I can say that all colored people to some extent deal with elements of anxiety. It comes with the territory so to speak. Naturally, there’s a level of tolerance that is held for people with pigment. Stepping out of line or beyond your usual tribe can expose situations that bring out the worst in us.
Even from our own people, we can sense moments that seem innocent yet in reality contain a whole context that is not positive. Call it jealousy or insecurity, whatever the case; we feel it when we make our movements throughout the day one way or another.
Micro Aggressions
It’s those little nagging expressions and tones throughout that day that can really set a n* off sometimes. You know what I mean and if you don’t, it’s not hard to relate to. We all have moments where we’ve experienced some undertones within a conversation or interaction that leave us feeling unsettled, even if the situation presented itself as innocent or well-meaning on the surface.
At times, these interactions make it hard to want to deal with the general public and even sometimes those you deem close yet you “know how they can be at times”. You can never really escape those feelings, yet you can develop ways to manage and maintain!
Solutions
My favorite approach to these types of situations, and honestly anything that can have a hold on you, is exposure therapy (or exercises). Put yourself in those uncomfortable positions and try to control how you’d react. You’re being tested when your character is challenged. How can you be ready for the next level if you’re still stuck on the pettiness?
All that mess is irrelevant to the main mission you’re meant to complete. Tune out that noise when possible and focus on your purpose. Also, turn it back around and pimp it positively. Take anything you deem disrespectful and treat it with class. I know it’s cliché to go high when they stoop low, yet we aim for the stars while they’ll remain stuck on Earth.
While it will always be somewhat of a challenge to navigate everyday life as a pigmented person, there’s still a lot of joy that comes with the color! The ability to alchemize our pain or trauma into incredible pieces of creativity or even overall passion projects is undeniable. We are blessed to be Black, and all that comes with it is honestly up to us to define as we blaze into the future. It’s only up from here on out!
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Starting Over in Life: Overcoming Setbacks on the Road to Success
Starting over in life doesn’t have to be a setback, but more of a reset and a fresh start! Reframing your approach can help you overcome setbacks on your road to success!
By: Jordan King
Starting over is actually not completely bad, yet I’d rather approach situations from a viewpoint of already having knowledge of how to handle things in a healthy way. Maybe I just wasn’t prepared, yet we all have our moments. Reframing the approach as a fresh start, or reset, definitely gives more power to the person as they begin to do the necessary work needed!
Now, I’m usually self-conscious when I have to kinda pivot during a project. There’s a specific idea that already has a plan behind it, yet as the process unfolds; you see adjustments need to be made for better quality. However sometimes you can get stuck on that original visual which you had in mind, making it hard for you to accept the alterations. What do you end up doing? It depends, yet it’s still a reset regardless!
Lunar New Year
In keeping with the interest of diversity, one of the largest cultural holidays is occurring during this season! The Chinese New Year not only represents a changing of times, it’s viewed as a true fresh start and opportunity to set the tone for your year and all of your goals! Symbolized by both an element and animal (Water, Rabbit for 2023) one reflects on the attributes of the upcoming season and sets affirmations and goals for the New Year. It’s refreshing! Of course some of our missions will fall through as the months gain motion, yet the initial intent builds both character as well as discipline. We’re not perfect and we deserve to give ourselves more grace in relation to our personal shortcomings.
Life doesn’t have to be rigid, it’s meant to bend and flow as we evolve along our individual journeys. Such as the phases of our own development, we’re constantly starting anew physically, causing changes that we have to learn to manage. Would life truly be interesting if we didn’t have to face challenges? What kind of person would you be if you were never blessed with struggles?
Realizing that we all have to pivot at times; especially in an ever changing world such as our own allows us to move with more grace. Adults like to give the appearance of being put together; having a grip on reality. Social media feeds are manicured better than most lawns, carefully showing the highlights. Even in conversation, when asked “how are you”, any response less than “alright” is a cause for too much concern. Truth is we’re all figuring it out as we go along & that’s OKAY! Expected even!
On the other-side of hardship is peace. To reach where you seek you’ll ultimately have to step out of your comfort zone and take those risks. You’ll fall. Hopefully you’ll get back up & you’ll reset and restart accordingly. After trial and error you gain awareness, which with discernment gives you better clarity on your overall vision!
Also, to be afraid of failure is to be afraid of success; as the two are inescapable. Along the path, there are setbacks, dissatisfactions and just plain hurdles that will test your resolve. The ones who make it through had not only grit; but the ability to know when to get out of their own way at times and do whatever is needed to correct course. All this rests in your ability to see what needs to be adjusted & being open to patience within the process!
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The Importance of Social Currency in 2023
Human nature dictates that we as social beings do better when part of a community. We discuss the importance of social currency here!
By: Jordan King
A few years ago, I was going about my day when out of nowhere I received a news alert about China’s social credit system becoming official. That headline read EXACTLY like the similar Black Mirror episode. In reality, we have an example of a nation that can either benefit or punish its citizens simply based off of their everyday interactions. In addition to income or cash being exchanged; they rely on vibes and respect.
When you think of what it means to “pay” for something, immediately you think cash (or credit). Coins, not so much, but dollar bills still continue to capture one’s attention. You can move quicker with cash. Currency is usually thought of as a means to settle debts, yet dealing with others in everyday life is also an exchange. Being privy to who and what transfers when dealing with people can easily help one make discerning choices when trying to reach success and peace!
Human nature dictates that we as social beings do better when part of a community; or a tribe. Those who strike alone can and many do live, yet the challenges make that road tougher than need be. Being able to work with others requires both empathy and a willingness to deal with those that will never seek peace with you. Just the game of life, yet life has many twists and turns.
Negative Outcomes
Nobody likes a negative experience. As much as we try to be our best and do what we can; humans make mistakes. The difference however, is those who fail to address their attitudes with people. Memories fade but people remember how a person made them feel. Being mindful and discerning can help one balance between if one’s intentions are solid or shaky.
When you make a good impression, you’re making a deposit of your character. You show that you can be cordial and get responsibilities handled, which goes miles in terms of establishing good relationships. Most people I would hope are in tune enough to spot a poser. One who connects simply for self-gain/profit may be able to portray the illusion of success, yet what’s done in the dark will always come to light!
Our generation has been both unique and blessed to have such effective means of communication. We take for granted the human touch when it comes to a phone call or even a handwritten letter. Yet we’re revolutionary in being able to video chat in 4K with colleagues in Colombia, something unheard of even 30 years ago.
I’ve said it before, the kids are alright. As we age, sometimes fear sets in because we have little trust in the generations after us. We think we know best and will always be the voice of reason. Yet the definition of what’s important to society evolves with the unique needs of each generation. Yesterday’s price certainly isn’t today’s price. As the new crop of kids and young adults get more effective at tech breakthroughs and applications; the sky is literally the limit as to what could exist in the world. I would be amiss to say I could have imagined using this phone with a screen when I was growing up lol!
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Get Back on Track: 5 Tips to Regaining Your Motivation and Achieving Your Goals
It’s easy to slip up and lose sight of our goals! Here are 5 tips to help you regain your motivation and achieve your goals!
By: Adonis Armstrong
New Year's resolutions can be a great way to set goals and make positive changes in our lives. However, it's all too easy to slip up and lose sight of our goals. If you've had some slip-ups on your resolution list, don't worry – it's not too late to get back on track. Here are 5 tips to help you regain your motivation and achieve your goals.
1. Focus On Moving Forward
First, remember that slip-ups are a normal part of the process. No one is perfect, and it's unrealistic to expect that we will never make a mistake or fall off course. Instead of beating yourself up, be kind and understanding with yourself. Recognize that slip-ups happen to everyone and that it's important to focus on moving forward, rather than dwelling on past mistakes.
2. Evaluate Where You Are
Second, evaluate where you are. Assess your progress and identify what has been going well for you and what hasn't. This can help you to identify areas that need improvement and to make a plan for how to move forward accordingly.
3. Breakdown Your Goals
Then, break down your goals into smaller, more manageable steps. Large, overwhelming goals can be daunting, and it can be difficult to know where to start. By breaking your goals down into smaller steps, you can take action immediately and make progress towards your ultimate goal.
4. Get Support
Another important step is to get support. Whether it's a friend, a family member, or a professional, having someone to talk to and share your progress with can be incredibly motivating. They can help you to stay motivated and accountable, and they can also provide valuable guidance and advice.
5. Make Adjustments
Finally, don't be afraid to adjust your goals if necessary. Sometimes, we set goals that are simply unrealistic or not well-suited to our current circumstances. If you find that your goals are not working for you, it's okay to reassess and make changes as needed.
In conclusion, slip-ups are a normal part of the process of achieving our goals. If you've had some slip-ups on your resolution list, don't give up it's not too late to get back on track. Remember to be kind to yourself, evaluate where you are, break down your goals into smaller steps, get support, and adjust your goals if necessary. With these tips, you can regain your motivation and achieve your goals.
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Taking Control Over Your Life: 3 Tips to Dominating in the New Year
2023 is here and we all have New Year’s resolutions set, but how do we stick to them? Here are 3 tips for taking control over your life and dominating in the New Year!
By: Omar Cook
2023 is finally upon us and I don’t know about y’all, but I plan on dominating in every facet! Easy to say right? New year new me sounds cliche as we hear this every single year, but it’s time. to start putting action to this claim! We all have New Year’s resolutions but how do we stick to them?
Every improvement in our lives has to come with some sacrifice and discipline and that’s where most people fail before even getting started. If you want a better experience in life, and better results, the first step is taking control over your life and being intentional in your actions. Think of it like sports; in order for any team to be successful in a game, there has to be a gameplay in place. In other words, for you to be successful, you need to have a gameplay in place for you life as well. Here are 3 tips for taking control over your life and dominating in the New Year!
1. Write Down Your Goals
Writing down your goals is a must for any successful person! Being able to see what you’re actually trying to accomplish in writing and consistently writing that goal down turns the thought into reality. Create a list of things that you want to accomplish in 2023, then under each goal, write out what it’s going to take to accomplish these goals. A step by step gameplay of your goals will take your life to the next level.
How many times have you set a goal for yourself and still to this day have yet to accomplish it? One or two things is wrong here. Either your goal is unrealistic or you aren’t taking the necessary steps to accomplish it. Either way, these are things you can control. Its easy for any of to say we want to be a millionaire, but how do you accomplish that? It’s very possible of course but if you’re still trying to figure out how to make $100,000 in a year, let’s start there for a goal. Baby steps until you can start taking on the major goals. It’s a marathon not a race.
If you feel the energy like I do, then you feel that this year will be an amazing year filled with success. I want each of you to be successful and winning in all areas, so it’s imperative that we become very intentional about the way we move in this new year.
2. Set Your Daily Schedule
Knowing what you’re doing every hour of the day, and having a plan for it is extremely important for your success. When you go to school, you’re put on a set schedule to ensure that you’re learning all you need to and to make sure that you’re getting all that you can out of the day. The same should apply to you as an adult.
If you’re just going through the day with no order, 9 times out of 10 you’re just free styling through the day and hoping to get certain things done. It’s not efficient. If you have a schedule, you have a gameplay for how you will attack the day and accomplish your goals. Winning your day knocking out your goals sets you up to accomplish weekly goals, which turns into monthly goals, yearly goals, and long term goals. Life is not a game so it’s time to stop treating it like that and get serious about your time and energy. Imagine how much you could get done if you new exactly what you needed to do and when! Just having a schedule in place will set you apart from most people.
3. Create a Budget
We all want to make more money right? What’s more money going to do for you if you don’t know how to manage what you already have? Taking control over your life means taking control over your finances as well.
Create a budget that shows exactly what you’re earning each month, what you’re spending each month, and when certain bills and expenses are due to come out. Being able to see where your money is coming from and going is important for your financial success. Any wealthy person has a budget for their expenses so you need one too. It’s time for us to build wealth and it starts with managing what you’ve already been blessed with.
I hope these tips will help you guys to start this New Year off the right way and stick to your New Year’s resolutions! Let’s dominate!
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Becoming Resilient: Blessing The World With Your Gifts
True satisfaction in life arises when you get out of your own path and be that change which you’d like to see in your world. It starts with being resilient to being your true self. Here is a good read to remember to be you!
By: Jordan King
Nothing worth lasting has ever been accomplished overnight. Time is both a healer and revealer, especially if you settle yourself to know when to pause; and when to act during the course of your journey.
1. Resilience In Life
When I think of resilience in life, it goes beyond faking it till you make it. Even perseverance isn’t a good fit. The ability to go through a single day and then repeat is a reward in itself. To be able to live in your truth while surrounded by influences that try to keep you bound to who you were; rather than whom you have become. In realizing that collectively, all people are experiencing a life where meaning is illusive, therefore constant questions continue to remain.
Nobody ever truly figures is out, the game changes every year. When thinking on how to navigate these waters, there are also not many clear answers. Every situation requires a different approach & different things work for different people. That leaves following outside examples as a better way to achieve that which you seek.
2. Learning From Peers
By simply learning about people for whom you can either relate to or admire, their own blueprint can lead to far fewer personal mistakes. Also, this applies to any person, famous or community known, even a relative. Guides are all around us as long as we discern what’s best for our own path. True satisfaction in life arises when you get out of your own path and be that change which you’d like to see in your world.
Naturally, we’re not always going to have good days. It ebbs and flows and sometimes can seem never-ending. However, just as with nature, it’s a part of life that has to be managed in some respects. Finding healthy outlets or even what matters to you personally is necessary to staying afloat through the many stages we experience. This too shall pass is often thrown around, yet time is a healer in many cases. Sometimes, patience mixed into the process produces unexpected and welcome moments.
3. Time is Limited
Our time on Earth is limited by nature, and ancestors from long a time past have come through centuries of challenges; just for YOU to exist in the here and now. Why not take advantage of your gift? With so much going on outside, it can get weary, but the sun has to shine eventually right? See, to be resilient is deeper than just existing. It’s that spark that keeps your inner light alive even when it seems it’s most dim from afar. More than a purpose, but like a sustaining force to keep us fighting towards our goals day by day.
It’s not just about making it to the top; the environment is the ultimate goal. What kind of way of life makes sense to you? Could it be living in sync with your purpose while also giving back & building your community? Or even just doing your own thing! That ability to create your future is the most powerful ability granted to us. We only owe it to ourselves to make the most of it!
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3 Tips For Scripting The Life That You Want: Life Changing Affirmations
Living the life that you desire is all about intention, speaking what you want to happen, and living accordingly. Here are 3 tips for scripting the life that you want using affirmations!
By: Omar Cook
A world full of distractions and unexpected life changes can make creating the life you want seem impossible…but it’s more than possible. Living the life that you desire is all about intention, speaking what you want to happen, and living accordingly.
Of course we hear about speaking things into existence, law of attraction, and affirmations everywhere, but how does it all work exactly? Truth is, this universe is a magical place, and words are spells, hence the word “SPELL-ing”. When you speak words, you are literally casting spells so it’s important for your words to have intention and to say exactly what you want and mean.
The power that we possess with our words is something that’s not truly taught in schools, but it’s something that everyone needs to understand. You can really become anything you desire in this life, if that’s what you believe. Here are 3 tips for scripting the life that you want using affirmations!
1. Journal Writing
Writing in a journal can be life changing for a number of reasons. You can clearly see your thoughts and understand where you are mentally. Also writing things down, whether goals or just thoughts makes them real.
Every morning, start with two pages in your journal. Write the date at the top of each page so you can keep track of your progress. On page 1 for the day, you will write exactly what you want to happen in your life as if you are already experiencing in present time. If you desire a certain career, write about how thankful you are to be experiencing your new job, the work environment, the salary, etc. Gratitude is a MAJOR factor in attracting things that you want into your life. Personally, I start my journal entry with “Thank you God for another day.” I am immediately expressing gratitude.
This is called script writing. You are literally writing out the script for your life by writing what you are thankful for in present tense, everyday. This is how you become the author of your life and reclaim your time. After a while, this will become second nature to you and speaking positively over life and expressing gratitude will literally become a part of you.
On the second page, devote this page to nothing but affirmations. I begin my affirmations with “I am thankful for…” I am is one of the most powerful statements that you can say in this life because you are literally telling yourself who you are. Write every affirmation in the present tense as if you are currently experiencing it. You have to literally claim things as yours for it to appear in your life. Applying this journal technique of script writing and affirmations will change your life drastically if you do this consistently.
2. Record Audio of Your Affirmations
Have you ever listened to a YouTube video of affirmations? That’s cool, that’s positive, but what if you could listen to your own voice speaking the exact affirmations that you wanted? This is exactly what you need to do.
Using the same affirmations that you wrote in your journal, maybe even add a few more and record yourself speaking your own affirmations. If you have a Mac book, you can use GarageBand to record, and you can download a free instrumental on YouTube using a YouTube video converter, then import the instrumental into GarageBand to play with your affirmations. Adding a nice instrumental to your own affirmations will make it more pleasing for you to listen to. You can export the track from GarageBand, and upload to YouTube as a private video that only you can listen to.
Listen to this recording every morning to start your day, before you turn on any other kind of music. You will literally program yourself with your affirmations. This is a positive way to start the day and it works wonders for your mindset. And anytime you feel the need for reassurance or to pick yourself up, you can turn on your own track and listen to yourself.
3. Text Yourself Affirmations
Create a list of affirmations in a text for yourself, maybe 10-15 affirmations. They could be the same affirmations you used in your journal and audio recording. At the top of the list, write the month and include a word to the describe the month, for example “Make It Happen March" or “Just Do It June”. Text yourself this list of affirmations 3x a day, morning, afternoon, and night.
Doing this every single day will constantly reaffirm to yourself exactly who you are and what you want to happen. This is a game changer.
No one on this earth has the power to change your life but you and it’s up to you to reprogram yourself from the social distractions and nonsense that is fed to you everyday. Creating the life you want literally begins with the way you speak about yourself and then living what you speak. Applying these 3 techniques to your daily routine will be a life changing experience. I hope you’re ready.
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Staying Present and Grounded: Embracing Your Current Reality
It’s essentially impossible to create the person you want to become while weighed down by either the past or even regrets. The future is dependent on your ability to embrace your current reality. Here’s why staying present and grounded can help you manifest the ideal version of yourself!
By: Jordan King
You know…..honestly? I’m tired of the wasting energy on idea of things that I can’t change. Tired of thinking about things that are unattainable. Tired of losing sleep over situations that don’t exist anymore; or honestly don’t even hold any kind of weight in this season of life that’s being lived right now. Especially blocking my own blessings or even not being ready to hold them because I’m tied to the past!
I’m ready to think and act on the reality manifesting RIGHT NOW. What is it that can be molded and shaped currently with just some effort, some patience and of course, a dab of creativity? Nothing but the Present!
Think of your ideal version of yourself. Your wants and needs, passions and dreams. All of that exists both within you and requires a level of manifestation for you to “see” this person. While lessons and memories of the past shape and guide you through life, it’s essentially impossible to create the person you want to become while weighed down by either the past or even regrets. The future is dependent on your ability to embrace your current reality.
The idea of grounding is all about building strong connections both within and outside of your own reality. Connecting back to self and staying true to what means the most to you (values, morals, principles). Now, the past being something negative, or even something that you would want to run away from, is by no means what I’m trying to get across. Almost like an anchor; the present is solid and here to keep you in check! Constantly living, growing and even learning. It is up to you to embrace all that is around you. Not only for your benefit, yet also for the benefit of others.
I’ve often found even in times of storms and strife, focusing on that in front of me, the present, which is here….often, brings a sense of comfort. Just knowing there is a level of control within the here and now that always exists is refreshing.
The road to self-confidence and control is long, yet worth the travel. Every day we’re faced with reminders and tethers that attempt to pull us back into ruts or non-constructive modes of thought. It may even seem inviting, not to have to be strong or trailblazing all the time. To step back from the fight and allow your dreams to go unrealized. That of course, would be an insult to the divine purpose you hold…so continue the mission because we’re all dependent on your passions.
Everything you’ve attained and accomplished in the future hinges on the kind of person you are, as well as the decisions you’re making today. That’s not to add any pressure to “doing the right thing”, just to provide perspective. You are allowed to wake up and change course. You are supposed to test and tinker YOUR process to see how things work for you in your universe. This is ultimately your book and you can choose or replace any character at will. While reclaiming your time and pen; don’t overlook the power you hold over your own outcomes!
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12 Signs That You’re Doing Better Than You Think
It’s not uncommon for anyone to think they’re doing worse than they actually are, especially when things aren’t going according to the plan we set out for our lives. Here are 12 signs that you’re doing better than you think!
By: Jamila Gomez
It’s not uncommon for anyone to think they’re doing worse than they actually are, especially when things aren’t going according to the plan we set out for our lives. Some of us are just pessimistic. Progress can also be hard to see sometimes unless you’re looking in the right places for it.
If you feel like you’re working hard with little to show for it, you’re probably mistaken. It’s likely that you’re doing a lot better than you think!
Here are 12 signs that you’re doing better than you think!
1. You Learn The Lesson That Each Mistake And Failure Provide
If you can learn something from every failure and mistake, it won’t take long before you’re incredibly successful. Most people repeat their errors over and over, whether it’s overspending or choosing a partner. People have a strong tendency to repeat their behaviors. But you can choose to act differently than you did the last time you were in a similar situation!
2. You’re Clear On What You Want
This can be half the battle. You have a huge advantage over the competition if you know what you want. Most people are aimlessly floating through life.
3. You Spend Your Time Wisely
Spend your time well and good things happen. Spend your time poorly and your life will be a train wreck. When deciding what you’re going to do next, ask yourself what the best use of your time would be. Then, do it.
4. You’re Making Regular Progress
Consistent progress is a great sign. Even if you feel like you’re lightyears from your goal, all you need is regular progress. Many people have been dieting for years and haven’t lost a single pound. Even a pound of weight loss each month is meaningful over a period of time.
5. You’re Consistent In Your Efforts.
Successful people put in some work on a daily basis. Success isn’t about working really hard for a day here and there. Being consistent in your efforts also means that you’re sticking to your goals. Working for a week on one goal and then changing your mind and working on something else is a path to nowhere.
6. You’re Not Alone
There are people that are alone in the world. If you’re not alone, you’re doing better than many others.
7. You’re Optimistic
When you’re optimistic, there’s hope. When you’re optimistic, you’ll take action. Conversely, when your expectations are low, you quickly become stuck, because you believe your efforts will be a waste of time.
8. You’re Determined
Commitment is a great sign that you’re going places. Good things happen when you’re determined.
9. You’re Not Worried About The Opinions Of Others
If you care too much about what others think, you’ll prefer to play it safe, and you won’t do anything significant. You can leave them and their opinions in the dust behind you!
10. You Have A Dry, Warm Place To Sleep
If you’ve ever had to go without this, you know how nice this is. If you don’t have to deal with this situation, then you’re doing better than you think.
11. You Have A Job
A steady income is a great thing. Many people either can’t find work or are unable to maintain employment. Even if you’re earning less than you’d like, it’s a lot better than earning nothing at all.
12. You’re Healthy
If you’re basically healthy, you have a huge leg up on a lot of people. Good health is a huge blessing.
Our society is easy in many ways and quite challenging in others. A high priority is placed on success, but there are other things that are also important. Friends, a warm bed, and a job are pretty relevant, too.
If you’re clear on what you’re trying to accomplish, and you’re spending your time wisely, you’re doing quite well. This is true even if the results haven’t revealed themselves yet. Have faith!
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The Art Of Being Bold: How To Exude Your Natural Confidence
Within each of us lies gifts and talents that no one can match or compare to! Be bold in your cause as this world depends on your unique gifts and what it is that only you can offer! We discuss it here!
By: Jordan King
The art of being bold is something that has been explored for generations; however even in modern times we are still trying to understand how to both tap into and retain just who we individually are within our society. Even if that same society would sometimes expect us be meek, in terms of not being able to realize who we truly are in our abilities. However, being bold is also being confident, being selflessly selfish, to know you’re walking in the path that will produce your own results that were meant ONLY for you.
I think at some points we all struggle with the idea of exuding our natural confidence. Within each of us lies gifts and talents that no one can match or compare to; we are all individually unique and purposeful. Within my own life I’ve seen so many examples of people who have stood strong and tall in the face of adversity. Just from knowing them personally, I was genuinely amazed at their various strengths and fortitude; which allowed them to be able to be present while going through so much behind the scenes.
Now don’t get me wrong, to be bold is not to be reckless! Sense may not always be common; however discernment is vital in making decisions; as well as also learning to be in the moment. Not allowing an opportunity pass you by because you don’t think the time is right or you don’t think that you’re ready isn’t always ideal. You are always in a position to advance yourself in whatever area it is that you’re trying to achieve.
To move in your purpose isn’t easy; know that everything you desire won’t materialize overnight. Fearlessness is developed and practiced. Consistency and dedication to both your goals and most importantly yourself, will produce the results you seek. That internal flame is still burning, ready to push and motivate others with that unique light. We encapsulate action. Stagnancy isn’t evil, only quitting is devilish & discord lies in the details. Focus on your divinity & stay in motion to receive answers and accept, yet don’t absorb, all perspectives.
Even when faced with stagnation or procrastination, or plagued with doubt or uncertainty, facing jealousy or fear; continue to be bold in your cause since this world depends on your unique gifts and what it is that only you can offer. Blaze the trail with which you want to walk and be unapologetic and how you do it, because you know what you want to do AND you know how you want to do it.
Release the idea and feeling of fear, especially when you’re confronted with things that will in fact elevate you into that next phase of life or the next era that you have been praying and waiting for. Nobody ever said to be inconsiderate or disrespectful get there is a way to move in your purpose and not seem selfish conceited. This life is yours to do with what you called for, why not step up and answer?
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Rise Up! 4 Tips For Bouncing Back from Discouragement
When the results you hope for don’t manifest the way you want, this can sometimes leave you questioning your self-worth and abilities. Here are 4 tips for bouncing back from discouragement!
By: Jamila Gomez
Life isn’t always what you expect it to be, is it? When the results you hope for don’t manifest themselves, this can sometimes leave you questioning your self-worth and abilities. It's easy to fall into that trap of discouragement.
The good news is that you can also get yourself right out of that melancholy mood!
Whenever you’re down in the dumps, it's important that you take action to start feeling better about yourself. Dwelling on the negative and remaining in a depressed state is unhealthy. After a while, you’ll feel like you’re moving backward instead of forward. This makes it challenging to get back to a positive mindset.
Here are 4 tips for bouncing back from discouragement!
1. Reflect on Past Successes.
If you're honest with yourself, you'll begin to realize that you've enjoyed many successes in the past. Reflect on how great you felt when you earned something you worked extremely hard for. Think about the impact you've had on your peers when you accomplished something that they all would've loved to accomplish themselves.
2. Know That You're Uniquely Created.
You have a special blend of talents, abilities, personality, appearance, and purpose that is different from everyone else on the planet. There is no one else like you and that’s a wonderful thing! Remember times in the past when you came up with your own solution to a challenge that made things better for you or those around you. Since you're the only person like you around, why not focus on your unique abilities and put those to work to evoke positive change in your life? Setting your new ideas in motion will go a long way toward restoring your self-confidence.
3. Do Something You're Good At.
A sure way to boost how you feel about yourself is to do something you already know you're good at. Having even a small success is a great way to build reassurance and focus on the positive. It's okay to need that self-reassurance from time to time. It's a challenging time in a tough world, and it's easy for outside influences to dampen your drive. Remind yourself that you're a star in a part of the sky where nobody else shines quite as bright. Proving to yourself that you can do something often gives you just enough motivation to get past that rough patch.
4. Make Someone Else Feel Special.
Making a positive impact on someone else's life is one of the most empowering and uplifting experiences you can have! Try volunteering at a local agency that helps those less fortunate than you. So many lives need a caring touch. Taking the opportunity to help them will enable you to feel that much more worthy. Encouraging another person who lacks self-esteem can bring the kind of inner satisfaction which allows you to see your own true purpose. In fact, you may sometimes forget about your own hardships for a while because you're so focused on helping someone else overcome theirs.
Try not to dwell on the negative feelings you might have about yourself. Instead, celebrate all the great qualities you have inside and share those with the world. Take the time to reflect on your blessings and you'll begin to see for yourself how awesome and special you really are.
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The TRUTH About CONFRONTATION: Speak What You Need
Confrontation does NOT have to be drama-filled and small things grow into bigger things when you don't tackle it head-on at the start. Don’t be afraid to be bold in saying what you need! We discuss it here!
By: Jamila Gomez
I recently started a life coaching practice. Since I’ve started, and even a multitude of times before, I've had numerous conversations with people of all walks of life and one of the things that comes up quite a bit comes in the context of standing up for oneself. They have an issue with a person or people, but they don’t say anything to that person or people. So many people are letting people walk all over them, staying silent about the things they need, desire, and deserve because they "don't like confrontation". And I’m just gonna say it…
STOP DOING THAT!!!!!!
When people think of confrontation, it’s usually connected to some sort of trauma or negative experience from one’s past. They spoke up about something that bothered them and the other person made them feel small or silly because of it. So, ever since, they’ve lived a life of holding everything inside to keep from feeling that negative emotion attached to speaking. It’s unfortunate, but this is how it is for so many people.
Confrontation does NOT have to be drama-filled. It doesn't have to consist of hollering, arguing, fussing and fighting, and getting in each other's faces. I understand that there is a fear of hurting someone's feelings, having had bad experiences in the past, or even lacking the confidence. Some of you may even be struggling to put into perspective what you truly need or want. Perhaps you feel like you may be overreacting by speaking up about something "small". I GET IT!!!!
But here's the thing. Small things grow into bigger things when you don't tackle it head-on at the start. The other part of it is knowing that what may be small to someone else is obviously something big for you, or else you wouldn’t be bothered by it. And like I said before, it doesn't have to be a big nasty production. Just sit down like adults and have a civil conversation with each other. Maybe you can write down some bullet points so you can stay on track with what you need to say. But you mustn't stay silent about what matters to you any longer.
The more you speak up and speak out, the more confident you will become. Not only that, but confrontation allows each person to be heard and for each person to listen. That is the only way anything will mend. You cannot expect things to magically disappear if you don't address it. You have to get to a point where you can be the bigger person. Get it out of your mind by letting it out of your mouth. Don’t be afraid to be bold in saying what you need. No one is a mind reader. So you need to get clear on what it is that you do need.
But the bottom line is that it doesn’t have to be some dramatic production. And if it ends up being that, perhaps a professional is necessary. Otherwise, set the intention that it’ll go smoothly with just talking. It’s okay if passion takes control and voices raise occasionally. At the end of the day, you have to be brave enough to speak what you need, or else, you’d never get it.
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Following Your Own Path: Life Is Not One Size Fits All
Before you give people advice, just remember that life is not one size fits all. Not everyone can follow your path precisely, and it’s not fair to expect them to. We discuss it here!
By: Kwana Adams
If you’re someone who found yourself in a better place of circumstance, or you were fortunate to receive a promotion, a lot of money, lost a lot of weight, etc., first, let me say congratulations, and I’m really proud of you. Hard work does pay off, and you’re an example of that. However, what worked for you may not work for others, and it’s essential to keep that in mind.
Giving people advice to follow precisely in your footsteps isn’t exactly ideal. There are many other outside factors to consider. Some people don’t have the same money or resources as you. That can make it difficult for them to change their circumstances. You need money to make money, and if having cash helped you get to where you are, how can you offer advice to someone who doesn’t have any?
If you had work done on your body, you can’t tell people that they can get into the gym and receive the same results. First of all, it’s dishonest, and second of all, genetics come into play a lot in how people lose and gain weight. If your parents could pay your way through school to graduate and get a good position, how can you offer advice to someone who has to get everything on their own or doesn’t have parents who have money? If you don’t have children and can spend selfishly, how can you advise people with children to do the same?
Now, I’m not saying you can’t offer advice or detail your complete plan for anyone, but I just think it’s best not to tell people that it will definitely work for them when it probably won’t. The main thing I like to remember before I give people advice is that I am fortunate to have what I have, and some people do not have the same opportunities or resources I’ve been afforded.
Hard work is not the only way to succeed. It is the best way, but I can tell you so many stories of times I’ve worked hard and didn’t get what I wanted. I was miserable and confused because I worked so hard. Why didn’t I get the thing I wanted? Why didn’t I get the job I was so sure I was going to get? I realized that sometimes things are just not meant for me, and that’s just life.
The universe had something better in store for me, and I just had to be patient. So for me to just say, “work hard!” is just not realistic when things don’t always turn out as planned. I try to apply this same kind of thinking before I offer my two cents. Yes, I can tell people exactly how I got to where I got while also keeping in mind that my path is mine and no one else’s. You can take what I gave you and tailor it yourself and to your life situations, creating a path that’s yours and no one else’s.
So before you give people advice, just remember that life is not one size fits all. Not everyone can follow your path precisely, and it’s not fair to expect them to. There are a lot of questions that need to be asked before we can help people. Just remember to be mindful that you may have privileges that others don’t when you’re providing advice to them. Or, if you’re not sure if anyone would receive your advice very well, you can simply just mind your business until they ask.
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Faking the Funk: 7 Signs You're Dealing With Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome can be brought on by how others perceive us and the words they speak over and about us. Here are 7 signs you’re dealing with imposter syndrome and 4 tips to overcoming it!
By: Jamila Gomez
Have you ever felt like you didn’t deserve the life you currently live? You have a great career, a loving spouse, and a healthy family. You may even be the boss at your company. Or the go-to person for a particular topic or specialty. You have all of these awesome things going on in your life, but you don’t feel like you truly earned it. You don’t feel qualified. You feel like you had to become someone else in order to live this life. And you have to stay that someone else to maintain it, or else it’ll all fall apart. Sound familiar?
If you said yes to any of this or if any of it rings any bells, you, my friend, are dealing with imposter syndrome.
You know that you are dealing with imposter syndrome when you question what you’re capable of. If you feel like you’re not being true to yourself or like the good that has happened is due to random luck or it was just out of the blue as opposed to the skills you have and the work you’ve put in, that’s imposter syndrome.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but this type of irrational thinking can have a negative impact on your health, your relationships, and your career. And not only can it affect you, but it can affect those closest to you. And while it’s true that imposter syndrome can be brought on by how others perceive us and the words they speak over and about us, oftentimes, it comes from the way we feel about ourselves as well.
It’s a lie that we tell ourselves based on the way we feel about ourselves. And because we spend so long believing this lie, it turns into somewhat of a reality. Meaning, it manifests in ways that confirm our thoughts. For example, if you believe the lie that you’ll never get married, you may end up not meeting the person you should spend your life with because you spoke that thought into existence. You put it out into the atmosphere.
Sometimes it’s not as easy to spot in ourselves, but a tell-tell sign that you deal with imposter syndrome is if you are hyper-achieving. A lot of us feel like we have to accomplish great things in order to be seen as important or valuable. We place our value on what we think we’re capable of and whether or not we can make something happen.
Signs of Impostor Syndrome
A way to find out if you are indeed dealing with imposter syndrome, there are questions that you can ask yourself:
Do you believe you don't deserve to be happy or successful?
Do you accept compliments well?
Do you always doubt your own abilities?
Do you expect too much of yourself?
Do you have a low sense of self-worth?
Do you often allow your mind to wander down a negative road about your life/career?
Are you afraid of being unaccepted if people uncovered the real you?
If you answered yes to these questions, it’s okay. It’s not abnormal to doubt yourself every once in a while. If you make it a habit, there are ways that you can overcome it.
Talk To A Professional
Sometimes these things aren’t as easy to deal with on our own as we’d like them to be. Speaking to a professional is totally okay. No shame in that game!
Rethink Your Goals
Having goals is great and it’s necessary, but you need to make sure those goals are realistic and attainable. Don’t overdo it. One step at a time.
Reshape Your circle
Sometimes these irrational thoughts can come from the people we surround ourselves with. Make sure you reshape your circle with people who support the real you; not the you, you pretend to be.
STOP COMPARING!!!!
The main issue attached to imposter syndrome is that people are constantly comparing themselves to others. The more you use other people’s rulers to measure your own life, the more you’ll fail to measure up.
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“You Always Got Something to Say!”: 4 Tips For Handling Negative People
We all have at least one. You know – that one family member or friend that always has something negative to say about you or someone else! Here are 4 tips for dealing with negative people!
By: Jamila Gomez
We all have at least one. You know – that one family member or friend that always has something negative to say about you or someone else! Always criticizing! How do you handle their negative comments?
I don’t know who needs to hear this, and I know it’s hard, but you don’t have to resort to arguing, fussing, or fighting when amongst negative people. I believe wholeheartedly in this one sentiment: you are solely responsible for what YOU say, not how people take it. And vice versa. You are only in control of your emotions towards their words and their actions.
If you have trouble trying not navigate relationships between you and negative people to whom you are close, try these techniques:
1. Don’t Take It Personal
It’s easy to get defensive when someone judges us, says something that offends us, or is unkind. You may feel attacked and vulnerable, but the key is to remember that their opinion is just that – their opinion. It is not a fact or something set etched in stone. So don’t take it that way.
* Always remember that negative comments speak louder about the mind of the person saying them than they do about you. It’s called projection. People tend to project the thoughts they think of themselves onto other people. They do this because it's easy for them and it takes the focus off of their own issues.
2. Know Your Triggers
Triggers are things that can set you off. We know that there are certain things that people can do or say to us that truly set us off. By becoming aware of your triggers, you can learn to notice when others are "pushing your buttons" and consciously calm yourself to keep from responding.
Family members are usually aware of your triggers, so they know how to hurt you easily. It's important to avoid letting them have this power over you. Close friends can do this well also.
3. Share How You Feel
Sometimes the people who are hurting us don’t know they are hurting us. Sometimes they think they’re doing us a favor by pointing out what they think is wrong with us.
Let them know that it doesn’t help when they do this and they either need to find more kind words or not speak at all.
4. Set Clear Boundaries
You can teach others how to treat you by setting clear boundaries. Let them know that you won't accept some things. They will eventually get used to you standing up for yourself. And if they can’t, then you can let them know they don’t have to stick around.
Be prepared to take action if they overstep these boundaries. In this case, you may have to cut off contact with them or take other measures to let them know that you're serious about the boundaries.
* You can't control everyone, but you can make it clear that you won't tolerate rude or negative comments.
** Also: Even though you may feel obligated to spend time with your family, you don't have to spend time with people who hurt you on a regular basis. You deserve to be treated well, regardless of your relationship.
If those closest to you are constantly being negative towards or about you, it would behoove you to learn how to deal with them. It's not an easy process, but it's important for your own sanity and well-being to manage your emotions and their comments.
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After ‘Amen’…Now What? What to do When Prayer Isn’t Enough
When you pray and ask God for a miracle or for him to make a move in your life, you have to be willing to position yourself to receive the thing you’re praying for. We discuss it here!
By: Jamila Gomez
I used to know this girl who always complained about being single. What seemed like every single day, she would go on some sort of rant about how badly she hated being single. She’d talk about how unlovable she felt. How she wasn’t good enough or pretty enough. Or that she had certain challenges that she felt hindered her ability to find love. Now, I won’t front. I know these feelings all too well. I used to have my moments of ‘why not me’ regarding finding love. But she was different.
Whenever she and I talked about her feelings, she would always mention that she was rigorously and relentlessly praying for God to bring her somebody. And that would just kind of be . . . it. She’d pray and pray and pray, and then continue on with her life, only to turn around, complain again, pray again, and so forth. The cycle would continue.
During these talks, she always said that she was waiting on God to work this miracle. I always saw this as a roadblock and I even told her. Perhaps that is why we no longer speak. This girl was a shy girl with not a lot of self-worth. She was a stunningly beautiful girl with glowing chocolate skin and juicy natural curls. Her smile was bright as the sun. And her personality was bubbly and fun. She was going to school and she seemed happy. But I guess she felt like the only thing missing in her life was a man.
The issue is, she was a homebody. The only places she went were school and church. But she didn’t talk to people. She wasn’t the making friends type. Besides in person, she didn’t have any sort of way to meet people online either. She had a Facebook, but that was it. She wasn’t down for making a dating profile anywhere. So, her presence wasn’t wide enough. But she wasn’t willing to widen it.
God can and indeed will work miracles in our lives when it’s in accordance with His plan for our lives. When you pray and ask God for a miracle or for him to make a move in your life, though, there are two things that YOU have to be willing to do to receive what you’re asking for:
1. Position Yourself
In my former friend’s case, she just expected a man to show up at her doorstep. She wasn’t willing to put herself out there to be found. Now, I’m not saying that she needed to go up to every man she saw and start flirting. But what I am saying is that how did she expect to be found if she’s hiding? Positioning yourself does not equate to chasing or pursuing. It just means being accessible and approachable.
If you want a potential significant other to share a hobby, perhaps join a club or a Meetup for that specific hobby. If you’re not into going out, perhaps make a profile on a free dating app. At least give it a sincere try. If you don’t like the experience, get rid of it. But at least give it a try. You have to be willing to position yourself to receive the thing you’re praying for.
2. Fix Your Heart
Part of receiving something that you’re praying for is believing you deserve it. Believing that you are worthy of the thing. Affirm and proclaim that you are good enough for the thing. It is easier said than done, I know. Especially if you are willing to position yourself and put yourself out there and still coming up with nothing. That can put a damper on your spirit. But this is not an excuse to give up and just think it’s never going to happen. You have to believe that you can have it.
I simply had to tell this person that although she was waiting on God, perhaps He was waiting on her. Waiting on her to move. Waiting on her to do HER part. He doesn’t need our help, but He does require our obedience. And we can’t just expect Him to gift us just because He’s God and can do what He wants. He doesn’t owe us that. I don’t know if she ever received what she prayed for. I hope she did. And if not, I hope she does. I believe she’s worth it. But it’s not enough for me to believe. She has to, too. And it’s not enough to just believe. She has to do be willing to do something. Because after all, faith without works is dead.
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Finding Your Own Happiness And Overcoming Your Fears
Happiness looks different for everyone. No one size fits all in this life and you must search long and hard to find your peace and joy. We discuss it here!
By: Jordan King
First and foremost no weapon formed against you shall prosper. Nothing real can be threatened, and nothing unreal exists. Fear is honestly just an illusion. All things considered, fear can also be a fuel. Fuel for motivation, for inspiration, and ultimately potential that otherwise wouldn’t have been realized.
We often relate that which is unknown to that which scares us. The power and grip fear can have on your life is mighty. It can cripple and confuse even the strongest people. Fear can topple nations and destroy lives only if you fail to turn the situation into your favor by transmuting the energy brought on by being afraid. We can accomplish and achieve our hearts desire; nothing will stop the positivity flowing from within you and you’ll be at peace within yourself. To be honest, you won’t really need anyone else except for the spirit above.
Eight is the number of harmony. Now for eight minutes, solo rays of light from that mighty yellow star sail through space to illuminate our world. The cold vacuum of space can’t even stop the comforting warmth the sun provides. Through eclipses & storms, Light provides true life, while the moon illuminates the night. Darkness temporarily reigns supreme, while joy is still present even in the shadows. Light is produced and cultivated from within.
Everything is connected & joy comes from within self. The individual is responsible for their own happiness despite the draws and allures of claims of fulfillments from outside sources. Also, it can become very satisfying to know not to depend on others for that which you need to find yourself.
Happiness looks different for everyone. No one size fits all in this life; you must search long and hard to find your peace and joy. When you find even a sliver, a portion, protect at all costs… for you and your life matter matters. It’s safe to say most humans have experienced sadness or even yearning over something or someone. Fear creeps in to fill the void left by lack of joy; however, we’re all about solutions here! How do we maintain joy during those occasional dark and trying times?
Divinity, or that breath of life, exists in us all. That spark is invaluable. Yet there is an evil presence on earth. It’s natural and present all this time, so you must experience fear alongside joy. If you don’t, how can one appreciate the mountains if you haven’t suffered in the trenches? Earth is a strong planet, she knows no fear. If the nature has yet to forsake us on a celestial journey hurtling through the universe, why should any of us harbor fear?
Exploit the emotion of fear. Turn the process into your favor; continue to use your personal toolbox to make it fair. Your boom can’t stop; rest if you must but do not quit! Remember that you are stuff of Stardust, and that your mission and time on this planet is divine and by divine intention.
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The Choice Is Yours: Why Forgiveness is Necessary
Holding onto resentment and anger can keep you in a mental prison! Here’s why forgiveness is necessary to move forward in life!
By: Jamila Gomez
You may not believe me when I say this, but it’s a fact: you can choose the thoughts you think at any time. You have full control over the thoughts that control your emotions, which ultimately control your actions. Many don’t realize how it all works together, and it doesn’t always work for everyone in every situation. But it’s more possible than people realize.
This choice -- the choice to choose one’s thoughts – is a gift given to us for free, ready to be received whenever we want it. Think of a time when someone has been physically imprisoned because of another person’s actions and eventually released. Suppose I ask that person if they’ve forgiven the people who put them in the position to be imprisoned to begin with and they say no. So, what does this tell you?
It tells you that this person is holding onto that anger. Rightfully so, because it is indeed understandable that one would naturally be angry about a situation like this. The truth, though, is that they’re still imprisoned. So, then the question becomes who is doing the imprisoning now? That person is!
The fact of the matter is that, in this moment, they're no longer in prison in the physical, but because that person refuses to forgive the situation, that person is mentally imprisoned. We should no longer allow ourselves to be prisoners in our own minds any longer.
This begs yet another question: how can some people forgive such unspeakable circumstances and others can’t? It’s a real question. And we’ve all been on both ends of the spectrum. The fact of the matter, though, is that we’re all able. The problem lies in whether or not we WANT to do it. Many of us don’t want to forgive. Many people get pleasure from the attention and sympathy they receive from others when they don’t forgive. They enjoy feeling like a victim as opposed to taking their power back and reclaiming our right to live full and prosperous lives.
We all have to make a choice on how we will deal with the cards our lives have dealt us. We really only have to choose between two choices: allowing ourselves to be imprisoned mentally or taking life by horns and do some incredible things despite all the negative experiences we’ve endured. We also have to come to the understanding of who the forgiveness is actually for.
So many people think that when they forgive, it means that the other person’s behavior is excused or goes unpunished, although we don’t have the power to punish people in that way. But people assume that when they forgive, they are letting the offender off the hook. That is not how this goes. When you forgive, you are letting YOU off the hook.
If you’re currently struggling with unforgiveness, I would encourage you to really ask yourself why. Ask yourself honestly and sincerely. Get really clear on your reasons so that you can have an understanding of the choice that you're making with all your awareness. And this way, if you make the choice not to forgive, you are doing so with the understanding of what are you really doing, and to whom, and why.
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The Power of Affirmations | 4 Steps for Powerfully Affirming Yourself
Positive affirmations can change your life, inside and out. Whatever you say are, it is so. Here are 4 steps for powerfully affirming yourself!
By: Jamila Gomez
It has often been said that whatever follows “I am”, you are. Whatever you say you are, have, and are capable of, it is so. These statements are affirmations. These are words that we speak boldly about what we truly believe about ourselves in the moment. If you’re anything like me, you struggle sometimes with speaking kindly to and about yourself. So I have to use positive affirmations. And so many others use them as well. However, they don’t always work for everyone. Ever wonder why that is?
Your mind believes what you tell it to believe; what it is programmed to believe. If you program it with truth, it will believe the truth. Likewise, if you program it with lies, it will believe the lies. And it can stem all the way from childhood. If you were told repeatedly as a child that you’ll never amount to anything, you will grow up with that embedded in your mind. If you hear that you’re stupid or ugly, you’ll spend much of your life thinking that. But what if you start thinking positive thoughts and speak positive words over your life?
In order to really start making positive affirmations work for you, there is an exercise that you can try. I have found it to be extremely helpful when I need that extra power, so I invite you to try this as well.
4 Steps for Powerfully Affirming Yourself
1. Grab some paper and a writing utensil. You may need more than one sheet, depending on how deep the level of negativity programmed within. Write down every single negative thing either you have said to or about yourself or that someone else has ever said to or about you. You don’t need to know word-for-word what they’ve said, but as long as you have an overall idea, write it down. Make sure you skip a couple lines in between.
2. Now, on the lines that you skipped, write down some positive declarations that combat the negative. If you have to google some positive terms, do that. You could also use Bible verses that speak to that particular feeling or thought. As long as it is the positive opposite of what you wrote at first, that’s the goal.
3. Speak the affirmation out loud every day. You can do this a number of ways. You can place sticky notes with affirmations on them in places where you will notice them every time and say what you see out loud. A good place to stick some notes is a mirror, preferably in your bathroom. When you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, you can say the affirmations to yourself.
4. Feel it in your body as you are repeating your affirmations. Stand firm with both feet planted on the ground. Speak boldly. Raise your hands. Move your body. Do something physical as you speak these words so that they really penetrate.
Once you begin to get the hang of affirming yourself out loud, you may be amazed at how much better you feel about yourself and how much of a better mood you are in. And again, these are only suggestions. And also again, it is not guaranteed to work for everyone. But try it for a while to see if it helps.
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Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life | The Keys to Stopping Self-Sabotage
Your thoughts control your emotions, and your emotions control your actions. Change your thoughts, change your life! Here are some tips to overcoming self-sabotage!
By: Jamila Gomez
Whether we are aware or not, a lot of us get in our own way all the time. We have an idea of something we want to have or do, and then we do everything possible under the sun to make sure we never have or do it. Then we turn around and complain about it, wishing even more than before that things would change. That, my friends, is called self-sabotage. We have it bad and we need to let it go.
You see, self-sabotage – put it another way – is when we freeze our own progress in life. We are not talking about when we encounter situations and circumstances we cannot control. This is about the things we do (or don’t do) to OURSELVES to make sure we don’t get what we want, or at least take the long way around. Hence the word self. This is all about us.
So, what does self-sabotage actually look like?
Well, there are several different things that come into play when self-sabotage is being activated in our lives. Self-sabotage can come in the form of procrastination, indecision, negative self-talk, and unhealthy habits. Examples of these things could be: obviously, putting off important tasks until a much later date and/or time (or forever); doubting that the decision you want to make is the right one for you; putting yourself down; and becoming a worry wart. Perfectionism is also a way we sabotage ourselves. We wait until circumstances are perfect before we move. If the perfect time or circumstance never comes, we never move.
The next question is why. Why do we engage in self-sabotage?
Again, there are many reasons. One reason is that we don’t think we are worthy or good enough to have the thing that we want. We don’t like to take risks. We fear the unknown. We fear failure. We fear success. We receive pleasure from our comfort zone - even when we’re not necessarily comfortable in that zone, we are comfortable with not moving. We lack confidence. We are insecure. I could keep going, but you get the picture by now. The last thing I will mention is we lack awareness. A lot of times we are sabotaging ourselves and we don’t know it because we’re so used to doing what we’re doing that is causing the sabotage in the first place!
So, how do you defeat self-sabotage?
Once again, there are many ways. First and foremost, you need to step your belief game up. You have to believe in yourself and your abilities and capabilities. Know that you know that you have what it takes to do and have whatever you want. You also need to get over your fears. You do this by thinking about all the positive possibilities and all of the good things that can and will happen once you decide to go after the thing. Accept that you feel the fear but use the possibilities as fuel to move. Let go of the control. You don’t NEED to know how things will turn out. It will be what it will be, but it’ll never be if you don’t move. Don’t be scared to fail. Failure is where your lessons lie. When you fail, but you learn, you can take what you’ve learned and try again with that new information.
Lastly, there is one last massive thing you should do to combat self-sabotage. When you feel yourself about to engage in even a thought that will cause you to do something that will sabotage your progress, immediately counter it with the opposite. Your thoughts control your emotions, and your emotions control your actions. Change your thoughts, change your life.
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