The Masks We Wear: Overcoming Fear of Judgment
Sometimes we tend to put on these masks and pretend to have it all together to avoid being judged when and if we really don’t. It’s important to know that your authentic self is all you need to be! We discuss it here!
By: Jamila Gomez
A friend of mine commented on a selfie I posted on my one of my social media outlets and she said, “You’re always smiling!” I humbly thanked her for the compliment and felt true gratitude for her kind words towards me. At the same time, her observation caused me to realize a real truth about myself. And it’s quite possible that others see this same truth about themselves as well. And the truth is this: it is amazing how well we tend to hide how we really feel!
Now granted, I wasn’t feeling down in the dumps that day, but I wasn’t feeling my best either. I loved the way the yellow popped against my skin and I was obsessed with the way my hair turned out and those things made me cheerful. So, naturally, I did what most people who are feeling themselves in the moment do: I took a selfie and posted it.
Once I hit ‘post’, my reality at the time came rushing back almost immediately. I had a lot on my mind. I was struggling with some things. I had considered reaching out to someone and divulging that information but decided against it because of the fear of burdening them and receiving judgment. And there was my answer. I realized that the reason we wear masks is to avoid the reception we THINK we will receive when we’re authentically us.
We tend to put on these masks and pretend to have it all together to avoid being judged when and if we really don’t. We pretend to act one way, but the reality is, we’re the complete opposite of who we POSE to be. We try so hard not to let the world know we’re falling apart and that life’s circumstances are chipping away at us little by little – all because we fear their opinions; opinions that ultimately only hold weight because we allow it. It doesn’t matter how they feel about what we’re going through, especially when they can’t be the ones to help us out of it.
There are droves of people who may be dealing with imposter syndrome, fear of judgment (rational or irrational), and fear of burdening those we care about with our issues. I am definitely one of them. I want to say that first, it’s okay. We all bow to that pressure to keep ourselves to ourselves at one point or another. But also, it’s important to know how enough you are as you are. How normal it is feel. How okay it is to not be okay. But also, how important it is to not stay that way.
Whether you’re happy as a lark or feeling like you can’t go on, it’s okay to say it either way. Granted, you do have to be mindful that not everyone around you truly cares for you and wants the best for you and you need to exercise discernment. But simply, you don’t need to wear a mask for anything outside of protecting yourself and others from COVID at this point. Let your true self shine. People will either love it or they’ll hate it. Either way, at least you’re brave enough to keep it real.
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Run Your Own Race: You're Doing More Than Enough
The past year and some change has done quite the number on each and every one of us, and if you’ve spent the last several months doing nothing but surviving, that is enough! Move at your own pace, we discuss it here!
“Extraordinary people survive under the most terrible circumstances and they become more extraordinary because of it.”
By: Jamila Gomez
The past year and some change has done quite the number on each and every one of us. The hits never seemed to stop. They kept coming, each one harder than the one before. We’ve experienced sickness and death, job and home loss, racism and bigotry, and chaos too immeasurable for words. We found ourselves in a constant state of helplessness and hopelessness with each passing day. We had no idea how we were doing to make it through. But we had to figure something out . . . or did we?
So many people had made the decision at the start of the pandemic that, that would be the perfect time to either begin a new hobby or rediscover old ones. Some of us got creative with our time by writing books, painting portraits, building and constructing things, and starting podcasts. Others spent their time catching up on their favorite shows and movies and venturing into new territory with new genre finds. Just on a personal note, I became quite obsessed quite quickly with HBO’s Lovecraft Country, and horror wasn’t something I was ever into. But I couldn’t get enough. But I digress. Back to the point.
Then there are those people who immersed themselves in new financial journeys, starting businesses and selling products. If you were blessed enough to have the money to start a business to begin with, congratulations to you on your accomplishment! It’s a huge step and you should be proud of yourself. Unfortunately, some of those business owners, movers and shakers, and go-getters made it a point to rub their accomplishments in the faces of those who were otherwise having a hard time. They’d say things like, “Why not now? You’re not doing anything else” or “While you’re sleeping, I’m grinding”. Here’s the thing: “grinding” isn’t everyone’s ministry.
It’s wonderful that you have the tools to get up and make things happen like that for yourself. Again, congratulations! But please be mindful that some people have lost quite a bit and don’t have it in them to do what you did. So many are living each day feeling like it’s too hard to try. I was in that spot myself. Emotionally, I travel there often. It’s not okay to make people feel like they aren’t doing enough. It’s not okay to measure other people’s productiveness by your own personal standards. If you’ve spent the last several months doing nothing but surviving, that is enough! Be proud of yourself for making the choice to pull through the best way you know how to.
At the end of the day, how you manage to make it one day at a time through these crazy days is your business and nobody needs to tell you anything about it. If you’re in a situation where you need help motivating yourself to make it through, research some ideas or find someone that you trust to talk to. But please know that you are enough. You’re doing enough. If all you can do is survive, that would be enough. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. You’re doing the best you can. That is enough.
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Living For Yourself: Who Is "They" And Why Do "They" Matter?
We often find ourselves framing our world around what “they” say and how others perceive us. It’s time to stop worrying about what “they” think and start doing things according to what we know! We discuss it here!
By: Jamila Gomez
You ever been in a conversation with someone and they start to recall something that “they” said? I have done it plenty of times myself. I’m willing to bet that you have as well. We remember more about what “they” said more than what we said. What “they” say holds a lot of weight for us.
We often find ourselves framing our world around what “they” say. We devalue our worth and don’t go forth in the things God has for us because of what “they” say. “They” said you’re not good enough. “They” said you weren’t qualified. “They” said you were too ugly or too fat. We’ve had all this negativity “they” spoke over us and it has hindered our progress. But seriously consider these questions: WHO IN THE WORLD IS “THEY”? And why do “they” matter so much?
“They” are the dream killers. The confidence crushers. The people who really don’t want the best for us or don’t believe we deserve the best. Some of us can put faces and names to who “they” are. “They” could be our family members and friends. “They” could be coworkers or bosses.
It is not uncommon for “they” to be those closest to us who do the most damage to our self-esteem. It is because of the relationships and closeness we share that makes it so hard not to take their opinions personally. We seek the most validation from them the most. Then there is the “they” we don’t know from a leaf on a tree and vice versa.
These are the ones who know very little, if anything at all, about us. They don’t know what we’ve been through that makes us who we are. They don’t understand the experiences we’ve had that shaped our thoughts. Yet, we care very deeply about what “they” say. And we need to stop. Or at least care a little less.
Don’t misunderstand. It’s a natural human feeling to be concerned with how others perceive us. All of us seek approval from others. There is nothing wrong with that. The problem comes in when we allow the negative things “they” say to hinder us. We stop dead in our tracks when someone has something negative or disapproving to say. What we don’t realize is that a lot of times, “they” are negative towards us because of the way they feel about themselves on the inside and they are projecting. We can’t take what “they” say so personally all the time.
There is a saying that goes, “what people think about you is none of your business”. And it’s so very true! Whether they think highly of us or think we’re the scum of the earth, it shouldn’t matter because it has no impact on the things that are meant for us. Our destiny was defined before we were. Our future was already planned out before we thought about it. So why are we letting “they” kick our butts so hard? We need to stop worrying about what “they” think and start doing things according to what we know. Because at the end of the day, “they” really don’t matter.
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Learning Lessons In Patience and Accountability
The entire pandemic, while still ongoing, has tested universal patience like never before. Sometimes waiting is in fact crucial and the reward gained in the end is both priceless and a true virtue. We discuss it here!
By: Jordan King
The 2020 pandemic, while still ongoing, has tested universal patience like never before. Through foreclosures, loved ones transitioning and more; our psyches can only handle so much. Once again though, Jordan is all about solutions! So how do we begin to pimp the process of patience properly and positively?
The Legend Pharrell Williams on his album GIRL said “you gotta go inward to experience the outer space that was meant for you”. We must dive deep to reach you a space of potential. It begins within you. No amount of lolly gagging or horseplay will create a future for what you seek for yourself; however it does take patience, time, energy and deep reflection.
Picture your optimum self. Your needs, your desires, your career, your passions; what does your ideal pair to these things look like? Who do you need to answer to for them? What needs to be accomplished on your end to make these things materialize we need to change? What can stay and what can wait? The best things in life are really worth waiting for.
With that being said, situations which require a period of patience may not always be comfortable, yet the reward gained in the end is both priceless and a true virtue. Experience becomes a teacher, as well as learning to act in the opportune moment.
During my ongoing journey, I spent about six collective years in undergrad trying to complete my college work. While I was able to eventually finish and graduate...it wasn’t easy and required much tenacity on my personal end. The whole process tested my own trinity (mind body and spirit) in ways I hadn’t yet imagined.
During those years, I experienced enough in my personal life to even gain guidance on eventually taking two non-consecutive semesters off to heal. Receive, observe, and stay still if you must. Remember to slow down and try to remember that you’re not in a rush. Don’t absorb all of your experiences and allow faith to play this game. With patience on your side, there isn’t anything you can’t tame! Well, for the most part lol!
Ever thought about what magic athletes and celebrities have over some people to gain more success than their peers? Why do the haves have and those that have not...lack? Don’t let them tell you about you! Don’t allow fear to stop you from conducting that inner work. If you ever find yourself abandoning self-accountability, just remember your divine spark. Speak light and positivity in your journey and enjoy the ride! Learn from the lessons and don’t skip the process, just pimp your problems positively and have patience!
Before I let you go on your way to return to your journey, keep in mind that sometimes waiting is in fact crucial. Divine and intentional sparks of life collide to create your everlasting energy and every living thing as well. Respect all people and remember your mission...and if you feel the heat is too much...
Just take a break from the kitchen!
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The Spectacle Of Self-Love: A Radical Approach To Self-Love And Appreciation
Placing true priority on one’s health and mental well-being, is a radical act in and of itself. Radical self-love challenges the typical, physique-based conceptions of self-love by placing an emphasis on action rather than feelings. We discuss it here!
By: Cory Utsey
Self-love is defined as holding one’s happiness and well-being in high standing. We live in a world that markets off of the internalized hate and insecurities of its inhabitants; therefore, any movement towards self-love is as necessary as it is valid.
Straying away from the status quo, and placing true priority on one’s health and mental well-being, is a radical act in and of itself. However, the true power of self-love is at times lost to the same market and commercialization as insecurity.
Self-love has become a spectacle-- it is often written off as an aesthetic that can be achieved with superficial affirmations and skincare routines, rather than engaging in true transformation of self.
Any first-step towards self-prioritization is still valid, but simple, easy actions cannot be viewed as the fullest extent to which one can show love and care to themselves. Approaching self-love with a sense of radicalism is the key to feeling it in its most genuine form.
Poet, activist and author Sonya Renee Taylor cites radical self-love as the ultimate point of access to the highest form of self, and it requires the complete dismantling of society’s standards on how someone should look. One would even serve to benefit from the complete decentering of physical looks and attractiveness as a measure of self-worth.
When considering the ways in which one can build self-love, people are often told to form a sense of confidence around the way that they look, but in reality, beauty and attractiveness are too relative of concepts to actually validate one’s sense of self.
It is not a bad thing to desire beauty, or even to achieve it, but the focus should be less on how beautiful someone is, and more on the fact that one’s values, morals and mere existence are valid enough for them to be deserving of love-- especially when it comes from within.
Radical self-love challenges the typical, physique-based conceptions of self-love by placing an emphasis on action rather than feelings. It requires the choice to work on one’s mental, emotional, and physical health, while unlearning toxic habits and tendencies. Radical self-love has no particular form, as it can be employed by means of gratitude, reflection, or positive thinking. But “positivity” is not necessarily inherent in employing radical self-love.
Everyone has bad days, intrusive thoughts, and bouts of negative thinking; therefore, it would be unrealistic to assume fake optimism in the face of adversity. Instead, radical self-love means accepting that certain circumstances will not always be social media ready. It entails an understanding in the fact that it is okay to feel negative emotion as long as it is also acknowledged that those feelings will eventually pass.
Radical self-love is self-acceptance. Radical self-love is the creation and maintenance of boundaries. Radical self-love is being aware of the fact that we are all deserving of a joyous existence in which self-doubt has no agency over our actions or feelings.
To be radical in any action is to take extreme measures for change, and in some cases, it is the complete dissolution of disease and any disease-ridden tissue within the body.
Though self-hate, insecurity, and self-deprecation are not literal diseases, they are still psychological ailments that plague the body and completely corrupt the way that individuals prioritize their health and happiness-- and they cannot be beat with that easy, aesthetically pleasing form of self-love.
So be intentional. Be mindful. Be radical, and choose self-love as a form of radicalism.
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Mastering Forgiveness: Letting Go of Past Grudges
The purpose of forgiving is not so much for the other person, but more so for ourselves! Here are some tips for mastering forgiveness and letting go of past grudges!
By: Sydni Hatley
Some of us like to hold grudges whether on purpose or not. We can’t let go of that rude thing some man said to us six weeks ago, or the pain a lover caused six years ago. We hold a grudge against that friend who slipped up a while back, or the parent who left and never came back.
We stay mad, hurt, or bothered because we have not released the pain a person caused us. We have not released the embarrassment or even the guilt from something that happened---we wish we could roll back the clock and do things differently---we live in the past.
The purpose of forgiving is not so much for the other person, but more so for ourselves. After all, why is the person who cheated on you and hurt you so bad STILL living rent-free in your mind? Why are you replaying all of the anger and negativity you felt? A lot of it has to do with the lack of forgiveness.
We forgive ourselves in order to move forward and release the past. It is necessary to reconcile those feelings of hurt and pain, acknowledge them, and let them go. When we forgive, we open ourselves up to opportunities we would not have been able to receive by holding onto baggage from the past. Understanding the beautiful blessings that are just waiting to come your way, makes letting go of pain that much easier.
You forgive by first fully acknowledging the hurt someone or something caused you. This is sometimes the hardest part because it is the hardest term to come to---you were hurt.
The next thing is to realize that whatever happened DOES NOT DEFINE YOU, so you should not hold onto it or the person who did it.
The last part is release, which can be achieved in various ways. For some, release can look like saying a prayer and then no longer revisiting the issue in your mind. For others, release can look like simply reaching out to the person who caused the pain, telling them where you are at, and asking them not to respond. This is more of a process for you to confront the issue head on one last time, so you can move forward. The purpose of asking the person not to respond is so they can respect your journey and leave the situation alone just as you intend to once you have said your piece.
The last thing you can try is journaling and either throwing it away, burning the words, or even keeping it. The point is to get your feelings out and leave them alone. This will allow you to be at peace in the end.
Forgiveness is a process and it can in fact be hard to tackle. That’s why it takes discipline and time. You can’t force it. The most important thing is that you take your time to fully let go over whatever pain you’re harboring, and know that something better is waiting for you on the other side.
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You Belong in the Room: 3 Tips for Combatting Those Feelings of Not Belonging
Feelings of self doubt can make you feel like you don’t belong in certain rooms! Here are 3 tips for combatting those feelings of not belonging!
“How could you ever feel comfortable if no matter where you went you felt like you belonged someplace else?”
By: Jamila Gomez
I have been somewhat of a loner my whole life. Growing up with certain challenges disallowed me to enjoy activities that “normal” children take for granted, like literally running around or jumping off of things on a playground. I spent some of my early childhood confined to a wheelchair and a walker. Even when I was able to gain mobility, I still couldn’t do things at the capacity of my peers.
I had other uncontrollable issues that hindered my self-esteem and confidence, thus putting a damper to develop strong friendships. I certainly had a few as a child that had carried into adulthood, which I am eternally grateful for. But for the most part, I was a loner.
As I have navigated through life, and as acceptance for that which I cannot change has slowly crept in, it hasn’t gotten much easier to develop deep connections. Much of it is low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence. It is the inability to believe I am worthy of deep connections. When the pandemic hit, I went on a quest to “find my tribe”, so to speak. I found myself searching for it on social media. I had a good time for a while, but then the reality of life started to set in.
Things were happening across the country and around the world that I couldn’t talk about in that group. Very few could really relate. And I didn’t feel truly comfortable talking about it to some of the few who could. I knew the conversations would only go so far. I felt very uncomfortable. So I uprooted myself from the places I planted myself. I did gain a few close connections for the experience, and I do mean only a few. The ones I could really talk to about life. We talk every day. But as an experience as a whole, no matter how much I wanted to, I just didn’t fit in.
Why am I saying all of this? Because many people have felt the way I do. A lot of people feel like they have no real home. They feel like they don’t belong. I’m here to tell you: I UNDERSTAND. But there is help yet! There are ways you can combat the feeling of not belonging. However, in order to combat the feelings, you have to know why you feel that way. Below, I will give you three reasons why you feel you don’t belong. Under each reason will be a tip to combat that feeling. Let’s start:
3 Reasons Why You Feel You Don’t Belong
1. Comparison
If you’re anything like me, you find yourself looking at the people around you and you start to see the moves they’re making. They have lucrative careers, spouses and families, and what appears to you to be pure happiness. You start to compare your chapter 1 to their chapter 30 and begin to feel like you’re not where you should be. But the reality is, you are right where you should be.
First of all, don’t always believe what you see. People pretend very well to have it all together when they’re dealing with some sort of issue themselves that they’re keeping a secret. Everything isn’t always what it appears to be. Second of all, who’s to say these things are not within reach? Who told you, you can’t or won’t have these things and more? Maybe it’s all on the way and you are rushing the process. Just take a deep breath and relax. Things are moving in your favor, even when it doesn’t look like it.
Combat This By: Embracing the space you’re currently in. Acknowledge that you are not where you used to be and that you are growing into more and better. Understand that, again, not everything that looks good on others is actually good. Consider that some people are putting themselves through hell just to look like they’re in heaven. You’re being protected from that whether you believe it or not. There’s no faking necessary with you. Be authentically you in full and realize that there is no one else like you and that makes you awesome.
2. Abnormalcy
Many of us have those things about us that we feel may make it hard for people to accept us. For me, it would be Spina Bifida. It’s not fun not being able to do some of the things “normal” people can do. And it’s easy to feel like you don’t fit in with people when you’re different. I will say this, though: being different shouldn’t mean that people won’t accept you.
Even if it’s not a large number of people, it’s about the quality they bring to your life. I’d rather have 5 tight friends than 20 people that don’t truly care about my well being and only speak when they want something. You have to see being different as a blessing, even if/when it doesn’t feel like one. Ultimately, it’ll allow people who are meant for you to come.
Combat This By: Understanding that there is no such thing as “normal”. We are all different. We all have something that separates us from the pack. Whether your “different” is in the form of a disability or deformity, a height or weight insecurity, an accent, or a gap in your teeth, know that this thing is what makes you unique. Know that this is where your story lies.
You can use what makes you different as a tool to meet people just like you and help them get through the same or similar differences. The most important thing to remember is that there are people out there who do see you and they love you just the way you are. Connect with those people you already know are down for you and put your energy into them a lot more.
3. You Don’t Know Your Worth
As I stated earlier, I found myself on this quest for acceptance. I searched for a table and left each one more starving than at the one before. I was chasing acceptance and love. I put my worth in the hands of others and devalued myself. If you see yourself in this, it’s okay. Recognize and acknowledge it for what it is.
Combat This By: Doing a number of things. There are different avenues we can take to get to the place of self-love and worthiness. I say “we” because this is a journey that I am on. Tools that are effective include, but are not limited to, affirmations, mirror work, repeating scriptures (if you are spiritual), self-help books, and reaching out to people — either friends/family or a therapist. It is not easy to open up to people about these feelings, so make sure it’s someone you trust. Whatever you choose, you have to stick with it. Feeling good about yourself when you don’t won’t happen overnight. It takes work and patience. But it must be done.
Final Note: There are two very important things to keep in mind when you are on this journey of belonging. The first is that you are not alone. Your personal journey is yours, but there are people on their own personal journal to the same place. You don’t have to think that you have to deal with it alone. The second thing is that you must be kind to yourself in this space. You won’t get everything right in the beginning. It’ll be hard and you’ll face challenges and bumps in the road. Give yourself permission to mess up and grace when you actually do…because you will and it’s okay. When you finally get to the room, you’ll realize you were meant to be there.
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Setting Intentions and Living Out Your Purpose: Give Yourself Permission to be Great
There are so many of us who haven’t tapped into our purpose because we haven’t given ourselves permission, but 2021 gives us all an opportunity to start brand new! We discuss it here!
“When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret.”
By: Jamila Gomez
We are three months into 2021 and in many cases, so much is different. 2020 beat so many of us up and smashed us to smithereens, but we’re still here. This new year gives us all an opportunity to start brand new.
A lot of people make resolutions and goals at the start of a new year. Some people have come up with a word that they will carry with them throughout the year. I have decided to join in on this particular trend, setting intentions behind the year. The word I chose for myself that I would encourage others to choose: PERMISSION.
We’ve been presented with another chance to do what we’ve been wanting to do. There are so many of us who haven’t tapped into our purpose because we haven’t given ourselves permission. Instead, we’ve looked outward. We consulted in people who have nothing to do with our purpose or progression in life and sought confirmation from them to do that which has been placed in our hearts to do. Why do we do that? Why are we asking others for permission to do what we’ve been specifically called to do?
There are certain visions and tasks that have been assigned to us. Each individual has our own specific journey to see that vision through or to make sure that task gets completed. Yet, when we begin to feel fearful or unsure, we start talking to people and asking them if we should be doing the thing. There’s nothing wrong with seeking advice. And there’s nothing wrong with needing help or a push and asking for it.
The problem is that when we start to seek out that confirmation on whether or not we’re on the right path or doing the right thing, the confirmation falls flat. We leave the conversation unsatisfied and feeling even more lost than we were before we started talking. This happens because we already know what we’re supposed to do. We already have inside of us everything we need to start. The only thing lacking is belief in self and trust in God.
Listen to me: it’s not up to anyone else to see the visions we’ve been through. It’s up to us. We can ask for help, but we have to do the work. And we can. It’s scary. But what I’ve always heard is to feel the fear and do it anyway. Take me, for example. I have this massive desire to encourage people through written words. I put what’s in my paper exactly how I feel it and pray someone receives it. But reception is what stopped me from writing in the first place.
See, I’ve been down this blogging road before. I was so concerned with numbers. I cared too much about a multitude of people reading my stuff. I took for granted the few who read everything. I didn’t realize that those few were who I was writing for. Now that I understand I won’t reach everyone, but I will reach who I am MEANT to reach, I will go forth and write what’s in my heart. It may not be perfect. It may feel redundant to some. But for those who receive it, it’s what is should be.
This grace I give myself to be free in my expression came only when I decided I was going to stop asking for permission to do what’s been placed in my heart. And now I’m writing more and letting God do the rest until He shows me what else to do.
I just want to encourage all of you to stop asking for permission to do you. It’s already in you, so you just have to let it out. Don’t worry about how you think it’ll sound or look, or whether or not the whole world will hear or see it. If only one person does, that could be the one person who will take you places you never imagined. You already have the green light. Just go and you will end up where you’re supposed to be.
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Trim Your Ends: 3 Tips to Letting Go of the Things No Longer Meant for You
You can’t live your best, purposed life if you are still carrying with you a bunch of people, things, and circumstances that are stunting your growth. Here are 3 tips to help you let go of the things no longer meant for you!
By: Jamila Gomez
Ladies, you know when you go to the hairdresser to get your hair done and you get it all washed and clean? You sit under the dryer and some time and then you get your hair fixed up real pretty the way you want it. You feel like a new woman when your hair gets done, right?! Well, during this process, there is a step that is taken that we sometimes don’t give too much thought into.
That step to ensure that your hair is given new life is a trim. Your hair is carefully combed, and section by section, the trim occurs. Prior to this trim, your ends dead. If you don’t trim your ends, your hair won’t grow as healthily as it should. And just like the ends of your hair, you have dead things in your life that need a trim.
You can’t live your best, purposed life if you are still carrying with you a bunch of people, things, and circumstances that are stunting your growth. Whether it’s a toxic relationship – platonic, romantic, or family, a job that you no longer enjoy, or old thought processes that are negative in nature, we are all guilty of hanging on to dead ends.
We hold on to them because they are familiar to us, even when they don’t serve us or feel good to us. Sometimes they do feel good to us, but they are not good for us. It hurts us to let go of the things we have known for such a long time. A lot of us even appear to carry these dead things. It is very apparent in the ways we carry ourselves. You know the saying ‘Thank God I don’t look like what I’ve been through’? Some of us look like it. But you will never know true freedom until you let go of the dead things.
So, how do you do this? I’m so glad you asked. As I stated before, letting go is not easy and it sometimes painful, but it is doable. If you have the patience and the willingness – because it won’t happen overnight, as well as the knowing that it takes practice and discipline, you will be amazed at much better you will feel. Here are 3 tips to help you let go of the things no longer meant for you!
1. Introspection
You have to be willing to look deep within. Really take a look at your mindset. Are you still hanging on to traumas from childhood or events from early adulthood? Are these events keeping you from thriving? If yes, these things need to be dealt with. The best way to do this is to talk to a professional.
Now, I know that a lot of people have a very negative feeling about therapy or counseling. But this can help you sort these things out, and it may even bring up some things from within that you don’t even know are there, or perhaps you may have suppressed. But the bottom line is you can’t do this by yourself. You need to support of someone who you can be open and honest with about everything. If counseling doesn’t quite cut it for you, find someone trustworthy that you are close to who will give you the truth about everything.
2. Examine Your Circle
This is necessary because you are the company you keep. Really examine who you have around you and the influence they have on you. Be honest about it and if it’s not a positive influence they have, you need to figure out what to do about it.
One of the things I’m more mindful of is how often I argue and with whom. If I’m constantly arguing with the same person, I need to re-evaluate my relationship with that person and either find a way to stop arguing and keep that person around and sever my ties.
Same thing when it comes to people whose energy constantly brings you down. Or if they are unsupportive or stagnant. But get real and honest about your circle. If there are people that you should do without, you need to let them go.
3. Forgive yourself
This process can possibly make you feel sad or upset that you’ve held on to things for so long. Don’t put that pressure on yourself. Don’t be hard on yourself during this process. It is not easy and if you beat yourself up too much over it, you will not go through with it completely and you will go back to that familiar dead end.
I want to reiterate one more time than none of this is easy, but you can do this. In order to grow to your fullest potential, you have to trim off the dead ends. Let go of the things that keep you reaching your highest height. You will be amazed at how tall you can grow when you let the dead things go.
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The Importance of Rest: Stop Being On "Go-Mode" All The Time
Society has us always on “go-mode.” Ready to make the next dollar, pushing to break the next barrier, fighting to stay on top, but without proper rest, it’s hard to be the best version of you! We discuss it here!
By: Lauryn Bass
Society has us always on “go-mode.” Ready to make the next dollar, pushing to break the next barrier, fighting to stay on top, while competing with the accomplishments you see others post online to keep your brand relevant—even rebranding. You go from a full day of classes, to keeping in touch with your family, friends, and mentors to then applying yourself to your internship before completing homework from the day or any personal projects.
Let’s not forget balancing chores and other extracurriculars. A young adult can’t even get a break from checking their daily emails. You find yourself running out of time or diverting your attention away from your basic needs like maintaining a balanced diet and workout regimen. What’s missing?
You. Need. Rest.
There’s a quote that I’ve seen that is super true that you should keep in mind when you’re running around all the time:
“If you don’t take a rest, your body will do it for you.”
Without proper rest, you’ll find yourself:
Being forgetful
Stressing Out
Becoming anxious
Running late
Dozing off
Becoming fatigued
Eating late
Disrupting sleep schedule
Causing insomnia
Or event worse: causing other harmful long-term harm to your body such as hypertension, stroke, or even heart failure.
So what to do?
You need to get organized. Yes, you may be able to fit everything you want to do into the daytime but at night, you need to implement sleep as a priority as well.
Super busy?
Try napping. Though this doesn’t substitute sleep, it will help you carry-on through the week until you can at least take a day of rest. One of my favorite sermons stated, “Even God rested.”
If we are made in His image, how would we feel like we should not do the same?
Aside from napping, you may need to let some things go. What’s for you, will come in due time. No need to rush or cram. Practice #Patience and #Mindfulness.
Results
It’s scientifically proven that with the proper rest, your mood will improve, as well as productivity. With everything you have on your plate, it’s to reach a goal. Let’s fuel your drive with the proper charged batteries and make it to the finish line!
1...2...3...zzZ
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Situational Acceptance And Avoidance: Grow Through What You Go Through
Life comes with many twists and turns and we will occasionally run into have to face things about ourselves that scare us. Accepting yourself for who you are is a major key for living authentically! We discuss it here!
By: Jordan King
As a son of the South, my life as a Brown Man has had its shares of strife. Yet, Mama told me that Life ain’t no crystal stair…to take Charge of your magic and your pen! And Most Importantly, know your worth and speak your individual truth. On the other hand, while we deal with acceptance every day, we often neglect the effect that Avoidance has within our lives.
Personally I admit it. I have been in deep valleys, as well as graced mountaintops. To continue forward in life requires true grit, stamina and consistency. To deal with acceptance, especially after the collective experience that this past year alone has plagued us with; it’s essential to maintain hope.
At its core, hope is both equal parts acceptance and faith. Regardless of any religion, true acceptance comes from within. We ALL deal with many issues in our individual walks, yet the true *Souljahs power on. To live is to suffer, yet we must find meaning and *happiness in the midst of the strife.
Pertaining to those considered minorities in this countries in America (specifically those of color and indigenous); the need to attain acceptance within society is critical. While there does exist many methods of coping, systemic barriers still remain in firm foundation. Let’s be clear, I am WELL acquainted with the “action” of avoidance. Periodt! LoL. To be fair, I’m aware that we can, or should, avoid certain negative things and situation.
Life twists and turns in ways most mysterious to man (or woman*). Yet we shall and will overcome! To avoid is to also “distract from” or to “stay away from”. Yes, MANY examples exist on positive avoidance (drugs, crime, hate, etc); and it’s also completely normal to avoid things we must face head on like schoolwork, that tough conversation or even taxes! Especially Self-care, right as we need it the most it seems. Nothing that is honestly not conducive to you personally should be avoided at all costs. My focus would then be those situations where we actually need to face, yet we either knowingly or unknowingly face them or proceed to run from.
My point is that avoidance can actually prove detrimental. We are all placed on this planet for divine purposes. We all matter and your SPIRIT has EXTREME value. Sometimes, we may tend to block our own blessings by sidestepping certain divine obstacles. When your faith is tested, and you decide to endure vs avoid…usually that which we seek is just beyond the veil. To embrace the avoidance or acceptance* is to accept your own humanity. While we ALL are divine, we can’t control everything. Simply said….Sh*t happens!
One of my many mentors said once, “You grow through what you go through”. You don’t reach your altitude until you dance with those demons. Sometime it is in fact OKAY to choose violence. It certainly seems attractive when it involves conquering that which may hold you back. We must occasionally face that which scares us. Only then will we make the step towards true wellness.
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5 Must Know Self-Care Tips: Don’t Neglect Yourself or You’ll Wreck Yourself
Nothing is more important than taking care of yourself; mind, body, and spirit! Here is a list of five things you can use to ensure that you are taking time and making the effort for some self-care!
By: Jamila Gomez
So much has taken place over the last year. We’ve gone from one struggle to another to yet another. We’ve experienced a pandemic, which led to shut-downs, job losses, financial burdens, and deaths. We’ve witnessed civil unrest in several parts of the country and the world. All of these things added to the pile of stuff we already had to deal with in our day-to-day lives.
While we’ve been busy dealing with our stuff, one thing we forget to do is deal with ourselves. We forget to put time for self-care on our calendars. We have neglected the very thing that keeps the engine going: ourselves.
So, what does it mean to practice self-care? It simply to care for oneself. Dictionary.com defines it as care of the self without medical or other professional consultation. Another way to put is the actions and thought processes that help promote and maintain a positive state of well-being.
So, let’s dig a bit deeper. What does self-care really look like? Well, it’s a plethora of things. It’s taking care of yourself - mind, body, and spirit. It’s being mindful of the foods we eat, the information and entertainment we take it, the conversations we have, and the company we keep. It’s taking time to pray and meditate. To exercise our bodies. To get our rest. To pamper ourselves after a long day. Or to just do absolutely nothing if we so choose.
So, do you have trouble thinking of ways to practice self-care? If you answered ‘yes’, here is a list of five things you can use to ensure that you are taking time and making the effort for some self-care.
1. Set Boundaries
Know your limits and stick to them. Don’t waver on your boundaries. It doesn’t have to be anything drastic if you don’t want to go too far. But set some boundaries for yourself.
2. Learn To Say No
To go along with setting boundaries, another way to practice self-care is saying ‘no’. ‘No’ can have some people making us feel like it’s a nasty word. People like to make us feel guilty for saying ‘no’. But when you do it in an effort to keep inner peace, you don’t have to explain or care how they feel. It’s okay to say ‘no’.
3. Journal Writing
Take some time out of your day to write some stuff down. Whether it’s your concerns and worries or just random things, put it on paper so you can get it out of your mind.
4. Treat and Pamper Yourself
That’s right. Spoil yourself. Buy yourself something cute to wear. Or some chocolate. Or some flowers. Take a hot bath or get a massage. Go to a salon and get your hands and feet rubbed. Something that won’t break the bank but will make you feel good because you deserve it.
5. Work It Out
It can be a walk outside or something you can do from home (we’re in a pandemic and we don’t need you going to a gym because it’s not necessary or safe). If you’re like many and exercising can feel like a chore, find something that won’t feel like exercise, like dancing or Zumba. But find a way to move your body a bit because it will make you feel better.
You see, self-care doesn’t have a one size fits all scope to it. It is whatever is best for SELF. Self-care is a conscious decision, as it can be easy for us to neglect ourselves when we’re busy taking care of others. But now is as good a time as any to start making sure we take care of self because we’re are important, too.
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Shadow Work | Going Within and Living Authentically
Shadow work is the process of going within and literally reading yourself. It takes a certain level of maturity and self awareness to see yourself in your rawest form. Here are some tips for learning yourself and performing shadow work!
By: Sydni Hatley
Spirituality, “wokeness”, and self-love have become trends that millions have begun to follow. Maybe it’s for people to feel like they are a part of something substantial, or to give them a sense of direction. There are so many people on social media that claim to be spiritually enlightened, and even enough to the point where they feel they can guide the spiritual journeys of others—but this is not how spiritual journeys really work, nor should anyone believe that it takes someone else telling them what spiritual choices they need to make to help them grow personally.
One very powerful aspect that can attest to the importance of yourself in your own spiritual journey is shadow work. Not many spiritual-enthusiasts online talk about it, but shadow work is the truth. It is ugly, it is painful, but most importantly it shows you parts of yourself you never knew you needed to understand.
Shadow work is the process of going within and literally reading yourself. It is the process of taking down any and every filter that is your ego, and forcing you to see yourself in your rawest form. Admittedly, it takes a certain level of maturity and self awareness to even get to this point...or even a level of being fed up with your own shit...to want to work on yourself and be real with whatever on the inside needs healing.
One of the first things you can do with shadow work is begin to think about who you are. You’ll find yourself listing a lot of traits that are more based in your ego, and who you want to be or who you think you are. Make the list, nonetheless, and see what comes up. If you feel you can hold yourself accountable, you can immediately go to identifying what qualities you listed are based in an idea of yourself, vs. the reality.
Pro-tip: usually the reality of the qualities listed are normally the ones that make you uncomfortable with yourself, or make you cringe a bit—they are usually the parts of yourself you aren’t comfortable accepting (and that’s good. Keep going). Either way you will find yourself with a list and you must identify what is based on an idea of yourself, vs. what is reality.
Once you have done this, isolate the uncomfortable qualities and be open to analyzing them. Identify what about these things makes you uncomfortable with yourself—is it a childhood memory? A story? A traumatizing experience or person? Or was it something in your upbringing that made you think and operate that way. This would also be a good time to try and start identifying your triggers as well. What about bringing up those memories in association with that listed quality makes you uncomfortable, and why? This process is meant to ultimately break you down, so that as you progress you will inevitably be building yourself back up, just in a healthier way. It may not feel that way in the thick of things but this process will make a huge difference.
Essentially with shadow work, you are being your own therapist. It takes time and it is a process, but once you learn your triggers and analyze why you are the way you are, you can accept it and release misconceptions about yourself. You identify what makes you uncomfortable and even see how those things manifested into your ego, break that down as well, and finally start living in your truth. This process is not easy by any means, as it takes a level of vulnerability. However, the power you will feel from working on yourself and relearning how to love yourself will be worth it, with the best part being that no outside person got you there—-it was just you facing yourself.
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Mental Health Triggers: What It Really Means To Be "Triggered"
Mental health is something that everyone has to work on to maintain! Triggers can cause you to relive a past situation in the present. We discuss ways in which you can work through traumatic triggers and begin healing!
By: Lauryn Bass
It’s time for a conversation about Triggers.
What Are They?
The Oxford Dictionary defines them as: a small device that releases a spring or catch and so sets off a mechanism, especially in order to fire a gun. But we’re talking mental. When thinking about things that set you off in your mind, it could be something as simple as a word that can put you in a bad place. Wikipedia states that triggers are, “a psychological stimulus that prompts recall of a previous traumatic experience. The stimulus itself need not be frightening or traumatic and may be only indirectly or superficially reminiscent of an earlier traumatic incident, such as a scent or a piece of clothing.”
Some examples of Triggers include: (via MentalHealth.Net)
the anniversary dates of losses or trauma.
frightening news events.
too much to do, feeling overwhelmed.
family friction.
the end of a relationship.
spending too much time alone.
being judged, criticized, teased, or put down.
financial problems, getting a big bill.
How Do They Affect People? (Short And Long term)
You know how you can smell fresh baked goods and remember that time your mom was in the kitchen with you as a child? Imagine this occurring with an unhealed memory, on a more extreme level. Depending on what may have happened, it could stay with you in your mind all day or even make you sick to your stomach. Your emotional state can affect your physical state, and even transfer to the people around you. It’s not as simple as a bad memory. According to Healthline, “Triggers affect your ability to remain present in the moment. It may bring up specific thought patterns or influence your behavior.” Triggers can come in lower level forms but also can be linked to extreme levels such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD.
What Happens When They Occur?
Triggers can cause you to relive a past situation in the present. From the initial flashback replaying in your head, to racing thoughts about the situation, upsetting the peace within and around you, they can lead to violent outbursts, panic attacks, and all-around emotional distress.
To cope with the trauma, many look for ways to pull them out of this void. If the wrong outlet is used, it can lead to anxiety, feeling of loneliness, eating disorders, substance abuse, or shutting the world out.
How To Work On Them?
Remember that you’re not alone. Mental health is something that everyone has to work on to maintain. There are always good and bad days to experience but you can control your reaction and energy output in a situation. When a traumatic situation occurs, seek therapy to give special attention to your emotional needs. They can also help you work on trigger warnings. (a statement made prior to sharing potentially disturbing content)
When working on them outside of that space, try:
Taking a moment of silence to breathe
Pray for peace
Journal your journey
Finding ways to relax
Perform your form of self-care
Reach out to your friends and family
Tell yourself everything is okay
Exercise
Get more rest
Stretch
Meditate
Be self-aware of your feelings
Healing.
Things take time. The fabric of your mind can’t be physically woven back together. But you have to tackle these problems head on until things begin to hurt less and less. Triggers aren’t going to stop cold turkey, and they won’t disappear overnight. So be patient with yourself and practice the best methods to pump yourself up with positivity and continually strive to be your happiest self.
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The Importance of Alone Time: The Benefits of Being By Yourself
Alone time is important because it allows for self reflection, the exploration of hobbies, and overall productivity. We discuss the benefits of spending time with yourself!
By: Sydni Hatley
Balancing your time is so important because it creates balance within your life as a whole. Many people operate as if they constantly need to be around others, or in the mix of the next biggest social event, but what they don’t realize is that this can actually do more damage to them long term than they might think.
Alone time is important because it allows for self reflection, the exploration of hobbies, and overall productivity. When you feel the need to constantly be around others, you are learning codependency and forfeiting the opportunity to learn yourself instead. For example, someone may go through a tough situation in their personal life like a breakup, and constantly choose to be around other people as a source for healing. Of course spending time around friends sometimes during that period can serve as a form of uplift, but depending on the social aspect of your life after a break up and when you are hurting will only slap a band-aid on the wound--not heal it.
Time alone during this period may feel painful at first because you’ll be forced to sit with your feelings, but pushing through that pain will allow you to face it and conquer it. You won’t be able to hide from the feelings or ignore them the same way you might when you are with your friends. The balance of both is important because you obviously do not want to drown in your own feelings, but the purpose of alone time during adverse times is to learn what you need and how to help yourself when no one else is around. Time with friends and social outings are just another plus to help you get through it!
The importance of alone time also includes learning yourself. They say that you have reached a true level of maturity when you are able to do things by yourself and be comfortable with it. Alone time allows you to slow down, reflect, and get things done that you otherwise wouldn’t if you were always out at the latest function. Many associate acceptance and enthusiasm for alone time with maturity because it is a time for you to get the work done that most people don’t want to do.
This includes but is not limited to internal work necessary for personal growth, the actual work you do in your career, and even physical activities that aren’t fun but will keep you healthy all around. Comfortability with alone time also signifies maturity because it shows that you are secure within yourself. You enjoy your own company and do not need other people to be happy, but can take company if it comes as well.
Spending time alone when you haven’t before can seem intimidating and even boring in the beginning. However, once you get comfortable and take the time to explore your hobbies and the things that make you who you are, you may never want to stop! You do not need to be alone all of the time, as too much of anything is never a good thing. However, the point is to find balance in how you spend your time, as that will create more balance in your life as a whole.
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Overcoming Self Sabotage: Stop Getting In Your Own Way
Once you understand the power of your own words, you can then use them for good. Here are some ways to overcome self sabotage!
By: Sydni Hatley
Oftentimes, we have great ideas and aspirations for ourselves. It could be a dream to be the next President, join the NBA, or even be the next big superstar. There are “smaller” dreams we have too. Things like finally starting that business we’ve been sitting on for years, or going back to school---these become our wildest dreams because we dare to see ourselves in a position that we don’t believe could really be true.
We waste so much time treating our dreams like they are untouchable because we simply don’t believe that we can achieve them in real life. What this does is stop our dreams before they can even begin.
The worst part about self sabotage is that you don’t fully realize it is happening until you lose or miss something you didn’t have to. A lot of times the culprit of this distracting mentality isn’t anyone else but ourselves being consumed by fear and a lack of conviction. A lot of times people swear the reason they cannot or have not reached a certain level of success is because of the world or the people around them.
The issues are that “no one sees their potential”, or “no one will give them a chance”, but most of the time these things aren’t always true. The biggest thing someone can do to achieve their dreams is believe in themselves and put themselves out there...no matter what. Most of the time half of the people that get that major job opportunity or chance to live their dream are the ones who believe within themselves and believe that they have what it takes to succeed.
This attitude not only fools the people around you into thinking you always know what to do and how to do it, but it radiates a magnetic energy around you of positivity and opportunity. The energy you put into yourself is the energy you attract, so if you are pouring doubt and sabotage into yourself, you will sabotage yourself out of opportunities, and people will doubt your worth. Your shot at certain opportunities will already be determined for you because you did not believe in yourself enough to show the world why you deserve it.
Ridding yourself of the plague that is self sabotage begins with watching how you talk to yourself. Every day you have to fight the habit of self doubt. It’s understood that it may not be intentional for you to talk down about your capabilities, but you have to realize the vicious cycle YOU are creating.
Once you understand the power of your own words, you can then use them for good. It’s simple. The minute you hear a voice in your head tell you that you can’t, interrupt it with “I can”. The moment a voice in your head says you won’t, interrupt with “I will”. A lot of people have been successful by confidence and self love alone. If they can do it, so can you!
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Master Cleanse Diet Review: Surviving The Lemonade Diet
The master cleanse diet, also known as the lemonade diet, made popular by Beyoncé, has proven to be a serious contender in the world of fad diets. We discuss the pros and cons of participating in this trendy diet!
By: Lauryn Bass
Everyone always participates in affirming a New Year’s resolution. It may not always come to fruition but #NewYearNewMe is definitely a trend. I shared a goal of healthiness with my family and together we decided to participate in the Master Cleanse Diet. I kept up with my progress by documenting our thoughts as tweets and would like to share what the process was like for those who may be interested.
day 1 #detox : so it’s been pretty easy. it’s a liquid mix of ingredients that boost immunity, metabolism, and cleanse your system—purging out toxins. it doesn’t taste bad but it DEFINITELY doesn’t replace food lol. excited to see if i can make it the entire week w/ the fam😭
— ya neighborhood redhead👩🏽🦰 (@lauriexoxo14) January 5, 2021
update: y'all I miss food. the hunger is like a lingering feeling but the juice ultimately just doesn't satisfy me like food lol. like I want a salad or something lmaoo. but at least mIade it through the first day. #proud
— ya neighborhood redhead👩🏽🦰 (@lauriexoxo14) January 5, 2021
Known also as the Lemonade Diet, with a co-signer as big as Beyonce (she participated to lose weight for her upcoming role in DreamGirls), it has proven to be a serious contender in the world of fad diets. It consists of fasting your meals and replacing them with a mixture of water, lemon juice, honey/maple syrup, and cayenne pepper for an entirety of 7-10 days. Some individuals will carry on past this and go up to 2 weeks as the famous singer says she did and results vary for up to 15 pounds lost! I personally saw weight loss as well--so it’s no joke!
day 2 detox: my family is crumbling. folks wanna give up, others can’t do it alone. the juice is not satisfying. we wanna switch it to a 3-day cleanse because we’re so hungry. half of us are encouraged, the other half wants zaxby’s. i’ll check back in soon after our meeting😭 https://t.co/yjKsoqS3Jn
— ya neighborhood redhead👩🏽🦰 (@lauriexoxo14) January 5, 2021
When doing research about the effects of this cleanse, it definitely reboots your digestive system, boosts your metabolism, and cures cravings for sugar. With that being said, you get SUPER hungry after day two. But what I’ve learned is that once you’ve gained control of your mind, you can successfully gain results from this cleanse. It helps to do it as my family did and try it together so that no one is eating around the other throughout the duration of the cleanse. For the start of 2021, I suggest cleansing in some kind of way to make sure that you embark on the right foot towards your goals.
day 3 detox: we’ve decided that today will be our last day. we’ve learned a lot throughout this process about our minds and bodies and couldn’t be happier. i’m proud to have made it this far and maybe we can work our way up to a longer one next time but for our 1st time? #blessed https://t.co/hb53ViCj7W
— ya neighborhood redhead👩🏽🦰 (@lauriexoxo14) January 6, 2021
Takeaways: My family and I were able to complete 3 days of the challenge and we learned so much about ourselves and our bodies. I believe that starting small was the best idea for us to work up to retry for 5 days next time! #slowandsteady #babysteps. Do not continue if you begin to feel weak or if you’re on medication. Also, make sure to drink plenty of the concoction (at least 6 glasses) a day or you’re going to get dehydrated or begin to lose bone mass. You don’t want to take a step backwards. Make sure to do your research and find which cleanse works better for your needs. Document your progress and be sure to share your results with me! Good luck to all :)
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5 Amazing Benefits of Eucalyptus Leaves You Need To Know
When it comes to healing of any kind, natural remedies can be healthier, more effective, and more beneficial in the long run. Here are 5 benefits of eucalyptus leaves you need to know!
By: Sydni Hatley
When it comes to healing of any kind, natural remedies have been the go-to since the dawn of time. Some people rely more on natural and holistic healing than they do Western medicine, having stated that it is healthier, more effective, and more beneficial in the long run. One specific plant is the Eucalyptus. Like many others, you can use the plant in its natural form for health benefits or even use it as an oil. Benefits of this plant are as follows:
1. You Can Use Dry Eucalyptus Leaves As A Tea!
Being sure not to consume the oil (as that will negatively affect your health), this tea is high in antioxidants, which are great for protection against diseases.
2. Congestion Assistance
Similar to the function of tea tree oil or peppermint, the scent of Eucalyptus helps open up your airways, allowing you to breathe better. It is said that for this, inhaling the scent of the oil is best BUT you cannot consume it because consumption of it is toxic to the body.
3. Keeps Your Mouth Clean
Due to its antibacterial properties, eucalyptus is used in some mouthwash and dental operations. It fights bacteria within the mouth, and is also used in gum to do the same.
4. Wound Healing
Because of its antibacterial, antibiotic nature, Eucalyptus is also used to help heal wounds and treat infections.
5. Spiritual Healing
Seen as one of earth’s earliest healing plants, Eucalyptus is used spiritually to remove negative energy, laziness or fatigue, and promote concentration. It is also used to promote emotional balance. One way that is becoming more common to keep the power of influence around is by keeping it in your shower. It’s own powerful scent mixed with the stream's ability to open up your pores is said to be really therapeutic and refreshing, especially when the purpose of that shower is to refresh and recharge.
All in all, it is safe to say that including Eucalyptus into your lifestyle would definitely add a lot of benefits. Like many things natural and organic, eucalyptus can heal you spiritually, physically, and every way in between.
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Surviving School In A Pandemic: Best Tips For Organization And Sticking To Deadlines
It’s hard enough to be a student as is, but staying on task in the middle of a panny?? Here are some tips to help you stay organized and meet your deadlines successfully!
It’s hard enough to be a student and work full time, but to be a student and work full time in the middle of a panny?? How are we even surviving right now and keeping up with our schoolwork while trying to maintain our sanity? The majority of us are distance learning and losing that campus experience, not being able to go to the library or stop into a professor’s office hours. It’s challenging and hard to handle, but it’s not impossible.
There are so many new distractions at home that there weren’t on campus; however, we can work around that. I have a few tips to share that have helped me maintain at least a little bit of my sanity! I’d like to start by saying, these tips are created from my personal experience and may not work for everyone, but if they can help at least one person, I’ll feel so much better!
Let’s talk about the most crucial thing: deadlines! It’s hard to stick to them in between Netflix binge sessions, six-hour naps, and just being straight up overwhelmed by all of the work! (Is it just me, or does it seem like there’s soo much more work now?”) At first, I was all over the place with my schedule and finding time to meet my deadlines, but one day, I just sat down at my desk and spent a whole day getting myself together. (It’s okay if it takes you a full day too. You still accomplished something!)
What I did was print out some calendars and taped them to my desk. I also have a sticky notes app on my computer to keep track of assignments and deadlines. I had a monthly calendar and a weekly calendar in addition to the sticky note that I separated by day. I also had physical sticky notes that I stuck to my desk for non-work and school-related things and stuff coming up in the next month. All of this may seem extra as hell but hear me out!
The weekly calendar consisted of my work schedule and weekly meetings and classes that I had. Having a weekly calendar helped me to see where I had free time that could be used to complete assignments and schedule any interviews and such. I also wanted free time just to relax and paint my nails or something. Since my weekly schedule didn’t change, at least for long periods, I always knew when I was free and wouldn’t overbook myself. (I had issues with this, too, at the beginning. Luckily, people didn’t get too mad at me!)
You don’t have to color code things as I did, but it doesn’t hurt! I categorized mine as work/work-related, school/school-related, and non-work and non-school related. An example of something school-related would be an organization meeting. I am a member of my school’s TV station, and I categorize that as school-related because it’s part of school, but it’s not a class if that makes sense. “Work-related'“ would be something such as the American Sign Language courses my job offered. It’s not a work shift, but my work provided it. That’s how I managed my weekly calendar now; let me show you my monthly calendar and why I needed two.
I followed the same color-coding system as my weekly calendar in my monthly calendar. The main reason I have a separate calendar is, so I have enough space to write. Do you see those small boxes? There was no way I would fit assignments and weekly scheduled things in those. In this calendar, I would write the due dates and the days before it that I had time to get it done. I would also write meetings that weren’t weekly scheduled items, so interviews, meetings with my mentor, things like that. Also, the highlighted cross marks on the dates? That’s not an accident. I like to use highlighters to cross out the dates just if I need to go back and see if there was anything I missed. I also would keep the calendar for a day or two before tossing it at the end of the month. As I said, this is not mandatory, but it doesn’t hurt.
I started using the sticky notes app on my laptop when I had a mix of online courses and regular courses and wanted to keep track of which assignments needed to be turned in on paper and electronically. I continued using it during the pandemic, so I knew what I needed to do while on my computer.
The sticky note is a weekly calendar format. Still, I used the same schedule as my monthly calendar whereas, I would write down the deadlines and the days I could do them, so there would occasionally be repeats of assignments, but that helped me. It also helped to erase things as I finished them, which is so satisfying! I like to reserve my Sundays to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, which also helped me keep track of where I was and determine if I would have to be at my desk on Sunday.
One last tip that saved my butt was breaking up my assignments. I was no stranger to online courses, but taking many classes that required hours of work and being at my laptop for extended periods would hurt my head, back, and eyes (I gotta wear glasses now!) Breaking up my assignments helped with that also helps me not to hyper-focus on one task and forget all of the others that needed finishing.
For one of my final exams, I had to write a 10+ page paper consisting of multiple categories. I stared at it for a whole week before actually doing the work. I was like Spongebob when he had to write his paper for boating school! I finally created an outline, though, and I tackled each section separately. I got so focused on trying to do it from beginning to end that I panicked before I started it and then panicked some more because I was behind the schedule I set for myself. After doing all of the manageable sections first, the rest of it just flowed. The best tip is to just get out of your head and out of your way.
Don’t feel like you have to be as extra as I was with my multiple calendars and sticky notes to focus and meet deadlines. What works for me might not work for you, but maybe you take some bits and pieces and tailor it to yourself. A few more tips that help are taking frequent breaks, always having water next to me, and listening to music. I found that jazz without words helped me get in my zone! Working from home, it might be hard to find quiet but find a small area in your home, or just in your bedroom, and claim it as your workspace. Once you create a habit of only doing work there, it’ll be so much easier to focus. Happy studying, and good luck! I’m rooting for everybody black.
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4 Methods of Spiritual Cleansing and Removing Negative Energy
We finally made it to 2021, and it is not too late to start purging your life of anything that should have been left in 2020. Here are 4 methods of spiritual cleansing to remove negative vibrations!
By: Sydni Hatley
We finally made it to 2021, and it is not too late to start purging your life of anything that should have been left in 2020. 2020 was already such a crazy year, and on so many levels people were tried to the point where the concept of reinventing themselves for the new year felt like a dire necessity.
Everyone has been talking more than ever about the need to leave negative things behind and make room for new blessings--Even though it is just a few days into the New Year, it’s okay to just be getting started on that process. Making room for blessings and purging bad energy heavily involves spiritual cleansing and setting meaningful intentions while doing so. There are various methods of cleansing out those negative vibrations, some of which are as follows:
Saging/Smudging Your Home
This method is pretty straightforward and simple. You take a bundle of sage leaves and light them so they emit smoke. This smoke is meant to clear any negative energies from your space, and if you speak positive affirmations they can further serve as a form of blessing and protection over your area. A key note with smudging is to always have a door, window, or both open so the smoke and bad energies do not get trapped and circulate within your home. The point is to get rid of them, not keep them in! It is also helpful to note that different types of sage leaves have different functions and forms of protection---do your research on what kinds align most with your intentions, and make sure you are purchasing leaves from a VALID, earth-conscious source.
Use Florida Water
Florida water is a form of Cologne Water and is very tonic/citrusy. It includes floral oils, spices, and herbs. People use this water for toning of the skin, to heal aching muscles and wounds, and so much more. When used to spiritually cleanse, some people mop their floors with the water (mixed with other cleaning soaps), or wear it on their body to help release tension, anxiety, and any other negativity they are holding on to. Florida Water is arguably at the top of the list of things you can use to cleanse yourself and your space of toxic energy, starting a fresh chapter. The best part is that with the right ingredients you can even make it yourself!
Light Incense Throughout Your Space
Like sage, certain incenses have specific purposes. While incense is known for its potent scents and ability to relax a setting, it is also another form of spiritual cleansing. The scent of incense can help bring you to a calm state, perfectly fitting for prayer, meditation, and intention-setting. I personally like to light my incense when it has been a long day and I feel the need to re-center. The earthy scents bring me back to my core and usually are the first step before I go into prayer.
Work With Crystals
Crystals are another grounding force that people use for spiritual cleansing and guidance. They have respective properties and uses that align with the seven chakras. You can use crystals in alot of ways when it comes to realigning your own energy and getting rid of negativity. You can meditate with specific crystals placed on the part of your body whose chakra they are aligned with, you can place them in various parts of your home by purpose and need, you can travel with them for protection, and you can even sleep with them nearby. A powerful aspect of crystals themselves is that like people, they too need recharging and cleansing after exposure to draining energy or being used for a lot of healing work. The beautiful thing is you can remember to reset your own vibrations with these stones, because like you they too can reach an overload of the wrong energy and become stagnant.
These are just some of the main ways that you can begin to reclaim your energy and let go of the negative. These tools are from the earth but at the forefront of the energies they perpetuate are the thoughts and wants that you affirm when you put them to use. It all starts with you. Have faith and make time for these practices, and your blessings will overflow that much more. Always be aware of the energies you let into your space, your mind, and spirit. These methods of cleansing are there to help you reset and refocus--perfect for the new season we have just begun!
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