Why Narcissists Prefer Long-Distance Relationships
Narcissists often prefer long-distance relationships because the emotional and physical separation allows them to manipulate, avoid accountability, and control their image without true intimacy. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
At first glance, a long-distance relationship might seem like a challenge most people would avoid—especially if they crave connection, intimacy, or physical closeness. But for a narcissist, it’s often the perfect setup. The emotional distance and physical separation offer them unique advantages that in-person relationships just don’t.
One of the main reasons narcissists prefer long-distance relationships is control without accountability. When there’s physical distance, it’s easier for them to curate a persona and show only the parts of themselves they want you to see. Through texts, calls, and video chats, they can love-bomb you with exaggerated affection and charm—all while hiding manipulative behavior, lies, or even other relationships. You can’t observe their day-to-day actions, so it’s harder to call out inconsistencies or see red flags clearly.
Long-distance also allows the narcissist to stay emotionally detached. Vulnerability and emotional closeness threaten their need for superiority and control. In-person relationships often require empathy, compromise, and consistent emotional presence—things narcissists struggle with or avoid altogether. The physical absence gives them room to avoid deeper emotional responsibility while still receiving admiration, validation, and attention from afar.
Another draw? They can idealize and devalue more easily from a distance. Narcissists tend to swing between putting their partner on a pedestal and then tearing them down. When they don’t see you often, it’s easier to sustain the fantasy phase longer. But when the pedestal crumbles—and it always does—they can also withdraw or discard you without the uncomfortable confrontation of real-life proximity. The breakup can be as abrupt and cold as a text message.
Narcissists also thrive on having multiple sources of supply—people who feed their ego and meet their emotional needs. Long-distance relationships make it easier to juggle other partners without being caught. You’re less likely to know their friends, frequent places, or see who they’re interacting with. This secrecy feeds their need for control and power without much risk of exposure.
Lastly, a long-distance dynamic allows them to play the victim if things go south. If you become suspicious or frustrated with the lack of presence, they can flip the script and claim you’re the needy one. They might say you’re “too emotional,” “overreacting,” or “never satisfied,” when in reality, you’re just trying to get clarity and connection.
In the end, long-distance relationships give narcissists the perfect illusion of intimacy—with very little of the actual work required to sustain it. It’s not about love. It’s about access, ego, and escape.
And if you’re in one, it’s worth asking: Is this person really unavailable…or just emotionally inaccessible by design?
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Why Being “Low-Drama” Isn’t the Flex You Think It Is (When It’s Just Suppression)
Being “low-drama” is often praised, but for many—especially survivors of narcissistic abuse—it’s a trauma response rooted in emotional suppression, not genuine peace. We discuss it here!
Photo Credit: Charday Penn via iStockPhoto.com
By: Jamila Gomez
We live in a world where being “low-drama” is praised like a personality trait. You hear it everywhere—“I don’t do drama,” “I’m chill,” “I just keep the peace.” But here’s the hard truth: sometimes that low-drama energy is not peace. It’s emotional suppression in disguise.
Especially for survivors of narcissistic abuse or emotionally unavailable dynamics, being “low-drama” is often not a sign of maturity—it’s a trauma response. It’s what happens when expressing your needs was punished, when being honest got flipped back on you, or when standing up for yourself only made things worse.
So you learned to stay quiet. You learned to shrink. You learned that feeling less was safer than being too much.
But here’s the danger: in the name of being easygoing, you can lose touch with your own emotional reality. You convince yourself that your standards are “too high,” your boundaries are “harsh,” or your feelings are “too sensitive.” You start settling for crumbs and calling it grace. You stop asking for what you need because silence feels safer than rejection.
You begin to wear your lack of reaction like armor.
But you weren’t made to be numb.
There is a difference between peace and passivity. Peace is intentional. It’s rooted in clarity, honesty, and alignment. Passivity, though? That’s when you don’t speak up because you’re afraid of conflict. That’s when you tolerate mistreatment and call it “not wanting drama.”
And let’s be real: narcissists love a low-drama woman. They thrive when you don’t question, don’t challenge, don’t confront. They count on your silence to keep control.
Healing means learning to stop seeing your voice as a liability. It means recognizing that emotion doesn’t equal chaos—and expressing hurt doesn’t make you difficult.
Being “low-drama” is only admirable if it comes from regulation, not repression. If it’s based on self-awareness, not fear of being abandoned.
So if you’ve ever prided yourself on being “unbothered,” ask yourself: is that peace—or is that shutdown?
You don’t have to explode to be expressive. You don’t have to argue to advocate. You don’t have to be chaotic to be clear.
You just have to believe that your feelings matter—and that drama isn’t the issue.
Disrespect is.
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The Unjustifiable Shatter: When Just Leaving Isn’t Enough
Surviving emotional abuse, especially from a narcissist, threatens their ego because your healing, peace, and wholeness prove they never broke you. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
I came across a quote from comedian Corey Holcomb recently that hit me harder than I expected. It said:
“The reason they won’t leave you alone is because they can’t leave with you intact. You must be destroyed before they can move on with a clear conscience.”
That line wrecked me—because it was too accurate.
So many people who’ve been in relationships with narcissists or emotionally manipulative partners know exactly what that means, even if they couldn’t name it. You weren’t just abandoned. You were targeted. Not because you were unworthy, but because your wholeness was a threat.
A narcissist doesn’t want to just leave.
They need to win—and they can’t “win” if you walk away healed, loved, respected, and at peace. So instead, they try to break you. Piece by piece. Confidence, community, self-worth. Because if you fall apart, they get to say, “See? I told you she was unstable.”
They don’t need to love you. They just need to feel right. And if you’re still intact, they have to confront the fact that they were wrong. That’s why the smear campaigns happen. That’s why they push for reactions. That’s why they check to see if you’re still “damaged.”
But if you’re still here—healing, rising, reclaiming your life—that’s the part they didn’t plan for. You surviving ruins the script. You choosing peace exposes the lie. You being whole is proof they never broke you.
So if you’ve been wondering why someone who hurt you so deeply still lingers in your orbit—it’s not love. It’s image. It’s ego. And it’s their discomfort with the fact that you made it out intact.
Don’t go back. Don’t explain. Don’t shrink. You’re already doing what they never expected: You survived.
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