Misdiagnosed and Misunderstood: What the System Gets Wrong About Black Emotion
This powerful article explores how the mental health system often mislabels Black pain, calling survival strategies symptoms and overlooking cultural context, while offering a path toward healing through culturally affirming care and self-reclamation. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
You sit across from someone who’s supposed to help. You try to explain the weight you carry—the irritability, the sadness that won’t leave, the constant fear of being too much or not enough. But instead of asking what happened to you, they start jotting down what’s wrong with you.
And just like that, your rage is aggression. Your grief becomes a diagnosis. Your survival instincts are now symptoms.
This is what happens when Black people’s pain gets filtered through a lens that was never meant to see us clearly.
The System Was Never Neutral
Let’s be honest: the mental health system is not as neutral, objective, or inclusive as it wants to believe. Most of what we’ve come to accept as psychological “norms” were built around white, Western ideals of expression, behavior, and functionality. So when we show up with a completely different cultural blueprint—one rooted in resilience, resistance, and generational trauma—we’re often misunderstood.
Studies have shown that Black people are more likely to be diagnosed with psychotic disorders like schizophrenia, while white patients presenting the same symptoms often get milder mood disorder labels like depression or anxiety. Black children are more likely to be labeled “oppositional” than “traumatized.” Black women are told they’re too guarded, too angry, too loud, too resistant.
Too everything.
What You Call a Disorder, I Call a Defense Mechanism
What happens when you grow up in environments where being too emotional wasn’t safe? When silence and strength were expected just to survive? When no one ever said “I see you,” so you stopped expecting to be seen?
You develop defenses. You shut down. You get sharp-tongued. You armor up.
And then, when you finally sit down in front of someone with a clipboard and an acronym behind their name, they name the behavior—but not the why. Suddenly you’re “avoidant.” “Hypervigilant.” “Disregulated.”
No one ever stops to ask: What would it look like to treat the context, not just the symptoms?
Labels Without Language
When you’ve spent your whole life navigating racism, family trauma, economic stress, and cultural silence, your emotions don’t always show up politely. Some of us dissociate in church pews. Some of us stay booked and busy because the stillness is triggering. Some of us laugh too loud, too long, because we’ve never been allowed to cry in peace.
But these are not disorders. These are strategies. They were our ancestors’ armor—and now they’re our inheritance.
And yet, if you walk into the wrong office with the right pain, you might leave with a label that cages more than it frees.
The Cost of Misdiagnosis
It’s not just about hurt feelings—it’s about missed healing.
When our anger gets labeled as aggression, no one investigates what we lost.
When our numbness gets labeled as detachment, no one asks what we’re still trying to survive.
When our silence is labeled as non-compliance, no one considers that maybe we’re just exhausted from not being believed.
Mislabeled pain doesn’t get healed. It gets managed, medicated, monitored. But it doesn’t get met with compassion or curiosity.
And that’s the real danger—when the system treats our trauma like a character flaw, our healing becomes harder to reach.
So What Do We Do?
We name it. We question it. We stop blindly accepting frameworks that were never built with us in mind.
We seek therapists who see us fully—not just as a bundle of symptoms, but as whole human beings with rich cultural lives and layered histories. We explore alternative healing modalities that speak to the soul, not just the psyche—ancestral healing, somatic work, storytelling, ritual, reclamation.
And most importantly, we remember this:
Not every emotion needs to be fixed.
Not every reaction is dysfunctional.
Not everything needs to be diagnosed.
Sometimes it’s just being Black… and tired.
To anyone who has ever felt misread, mislabeled, or mishandled in a space that was supposed to help you—you are not imagining it. The system isn’t broken. It was built this way.
But so were we. Built to endure, built to adapt, built to remember ourselves whole.
And now? We get to heal on our terms.
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Do We Really Want Healing or Just the Aesthetic of It?
Real healing goes beyond self-care aesthetics, asking us to confront pain, set boundaries, and do the inner work needed for true growth and emotional freedom, especially in the Black community. We discuss it here!
Photo Credit: Jacob Wackerhausen via iStockPhoto.com
By: Jamila Gomez
Healing is trending. You see it in soft pastel quote graphics, in perfectly curated self-care routines, in caption-ready declarations of “choosing peace.” We post about protecting our energy, cutting off toxic people, and living in our soft girl era — but sometimes, behind the scenes, we’re still raw, reactive, and unsure how to actually feel better. It’s fair to ask: do we really want healing, or just the look of it?
This isn’t shade — it’s a real reflection on how the world around us has commercialized a deeply personal journey. The aesthetic of healing is easier to digest. It’s polished. It’s Instagrammable. It gives us the illusion of growth, even if nothing’s actually changing beneath the surface. But real healing? It’s uncomfortable. It’s messy. It’s private. Sometimes it looks like crying in your car, losing friends, setting boundaries that make people mad, or admitting you’re not okay.
In the Black community especially, we’re carrying generations of pain. And when we finally get the language to name what we’ve been through — “trauma,” “attachment wounds,” “inner child work” — it can feel empowering. But language isn’t the same as liberation. Naming the pain is only the beginning. Doing the work? That’s the part that doesn’t always make it to the timeline.
Healing requires us to look at ourselves honestly — not just the ways we’ve been hurt, but the ways we hurt others. It asks us to slow down when we’ve been conditioned to grind. It asks us to forgive, sometimes without closure. It challenges us to feel our feelings instead of numbing them with distractions. And most of all, it asks us to commit — even when there’s no applause for our progress.
This doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the aesthetics. Light a candle, run that bath, journal in your matching loungewear — if it brings you comfort, do it. But let’s not confuse rituals with repair. The goal isn’t to look like we’re healing. The goal is to live in a way that’s rooted in truth, self-awareness, and growth — even when it’s not pretty.
So the next time we talk about healing, let’s make space for the full picture. Not just the quotes and the crystals, but the inner work that takes courage. Because real healing isn’t always cute — but it is freeing. And we deserve that freedom more than we deserve the aesthetic.
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How to Support Black Men Struggling with Mental Health in Relationships
Supporting a Black man’s mental health requires communication, patience, and encouragement of therapy and self-care. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
Mental health struggles can place significant strain on individuals and their relationships, and Black men often face unique challenges due to societal pressures, cultural expectations, and systemic barriers. Supporting a Black man through his mental health journey while maintaining a strong relationship requires understanding, patience, and proactive efforts to create a safe and nurturing environment.
Encourage Open and Judgment-Free Communication
Many Black men are raised with the expectation to be strong, independent, and emotionally reserved. This conditioning can make it difficult for them to express their feelings or seek help when they’re struggling. As a partner, creating a space where they feel comfortable sharing their emotions without fear of judgment is crucial. Encourage honest conversations and practice active listening—sometimes, they just need to be heard without immediately being given advice or solutions.
Normalize Seeking Professional Help
Due to stigma, lack of representation, and mistrust of the healthcare system, many Black men are hesitant to seek therapy or counseling. Encouraging therapy as a tool for empowerment rather than a sign of weakness can help shift this perception. If possible, suggest finding a Black therapist or a culturally competent mental health professional who understands the unique challenges they face. Offer support in researching options, attending sessions together, or simply expressing that seeking help is a form of strength.
Acknowledge Societal Stressors and Their Impact
Racism, discrimination, and systemic inequities contribute to chronic stress for many Black men. These external pressures can take a toll on their mental health, causing anxiety, depression, or emotional exhaustion. As a supportive partner, acknowledging these struggles and validating their experiences without minimizing or dismissing them is key. Be an advocate, educate yourself on these issues, and offer reassurance that their feelings are valid.
Be Patient and Offer Emotional Support
Mental health struggles can manifest in various ways, including withdrawal, mood swings, or difficulty expressing emotions. Patience is essential in these moments. Instead of taking their struggles personally, try to understand that their behavior may be influenced by deeper emotional pain. Offer words of affirmation, remind them that they are valued, and support them in ways that align with their needs, whether it’s giving them space or spending quality time together.
Encourage Healthy Habits
Encouraging self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, healthy eating, and engaging in hobbies can significantly impact mental well-being. Participating in these activities together can also strengthen the relationship while promoting better mental health.
Supporting a Black man through his mental health journey requires love, patience, and understanding. By fostering a safe space, normalizing therapy, acknowledging societal stressors, and providing consistent emotional support, you can help him navigate his struggles while maintaining a healthy, loving relationship.
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Therapy in Black Relationships: Breaking Stigmas Around Mental Health and Love
Therapy is helping Black couples break cultural stigmas, heal generational wounds, and build stronger, healthier relationships rooted in love and understanding. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
In Black communities, mental health conversations have often been overshadowed by cultural stigmas, societal pressures, and generational trauma. When it comes to Black relationships, these barriers can create cycles of misunderstanding, unhealed wounds, and emotional disconnection. However, therapy is increasingly being embraced as a tool to strengthen love, foster communication, and heal both individually and collectively.
For decades, therapy has been stigmatized in Black communities, often perceived as a sign of weakness or something only “crazy” people pursue. This misconception has been compounded by systemic racism within the mental health field, a lack of culturally competent therapists, and the idea that faith or family should be enough to address emotional struggles. These attitudes often find their way into relationships, where vulnerability is seen as a liability rather than a strength. Many couples internalize pain, resort to silence, or repeat unhealthy patterns they’ve inherited, leading to fractured relationships.
However, as conversations about mental health become more mainstream, Black couples are beginning to see therapy as a powerful resource for cultivating healthy, lasting love. Therapy provides a safe space to unpack individual traumas and explore how these impact the dynamics of a relationship. For example, a partner who grew up in a household where emotions were suppressed might struggle to communicate their needs, while the other may feel neglected or misunderstood. A therapist can help couples identify these patterns, develop empathy, and practice new ways of relating to one another.
Importantly, therapy doesn’t mean a relationship is broken. Many Black couples are using therapy proactively, not as a last resort. Premarital counseling, for instance, allows partners to align on values, expectations, and conflict resolution strategies before problems arise. Others turn to therapy to heal from specific challenges, like infidelity, financial strain, or unresolved grief.
The rise of Black therapists and culturally sensitive approaches to mental health care has also played a key role in breaking these stigmas. Black couples now have greater access to professionals who understand the nuances of their experiences, including racism, cultural identity, and the intergenerational effects of systemic oppression.
Ultimately, therapy is an act of love—for self and for each other. By normalizing seeking help, Black couples can break cycles of pain and create a legacy of healthy, resilient love. Healing together is not only possible but revolutionary.
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Managing Mental Health in a World Where Black Women’s Experiences are Ignored
Black women navigate mental health challenges at the intersection of race, gender, and societal expectations, while combating stereotypes, healthcare bias, and the need for culturally competent care. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
For Black women, mental health management often involves navigating the unique intersection of race, gender, and cultural expectations in a world that rarely recognizes or validates their experiences. Societal stereotypes often depict Black women as inherently strong and resilient, yet these perceptions can lead to the dangerous dismissal of their mental health needs. The “strong Black woman” stereotype, while intended to convey strength, often prevents Black women from feeling safe in expressing vulnerability or seeking help, perpetuating cycles of unaddressed stress, anxiety, and depression.
One major barrier to mental health care is the healthcare system itself, which has a history of marginalizing and misdiagnosing Black women. Studies reveal that Black women face higher rates of misdiagnosis in mental health care, often due to racial bias. Additionally, many may feel uncomfortable with therapists who lack cultural competence or understanding of their lived experiences, leading to a sense of isolation within therapeutic spaces.
To manage mental health effectively, Black women benefit from culturally relevant resources, such as community support groups, wellness practices rooted in their cultural background, and therapists who are trained in racial trauma. Black mental health professionals, though underrepresented, offer an essential perspective in providing a safe space for Black women to express their full experiences without fear of judgment.
Self-care is also a critical part of mental health management for Black women. Practices like journaling, mindfulness, and affirmations can serve as powerful tools for emotional regulation. But self-care alone is not enough; societal change is essential. Advocacy and systemic reform can ensure that Black women receive the mental health support they deserve.
By prioritizing mental health, validating experiences, and pushing for inclusive mental health care reform, we can create a more compassionate world that honors the needs and experiences of Black women.
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12 Tips for Discussing Your Mental Health with Loved Ones
Learn effective strategies for opening up about your mental health to loved ones and fostering supportive conversations. We discuss it here!
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By: Jamila Gomez
Opening up about your mental health issues to loved ones can be a daunting task. The fear of misunderstanding, judgment, or negative reactions often holds people back. However, sharing your struggles is a crucial step towards getting the support you need. Here are some tips to help you navigate these difficult conversations effectively.
1. Prepare Yourself
Before initiating the conversation, take some time to understand your feelings and what you want to convey. Consider writing down your thoughts or practicing what you want to say. This can help you articulate your feelings more clearly and reduce anxiety about the conversation.
2. Choose the Right Time and Place
Select a quiet, comfortable, and private setting for your discussion. Avoid busy or stressful times. Choosing a relaxed environment can make both you and your loved one feel more at ease, facilitating a more open and supportive dialogue.
3. Be Honest and Direct
Honesty is key when discussing your mental health. Be direct about what you’re experiencing and how it’s affecting you. Use specific examples to help your loved one understand your situation better. For instance, instead of saying “I’m feeling down,” you could say, “I’ve been feeling very anxious and having trouble sleeping for the past few weeks.”
4. Use “I” Statements
Using “I” statements can help express your feelings without sounding accusatory or placing blame. This approach can make the conversation less confrontational and more constructive. For example, say, “I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately,” instead of “You make me feel overwhelmed.”
5. Explain What You Need
Clearly communicate what kind of support you’re seeking. Whether it’s someone to listen, help with daily tasks, or accompany you to a therapy appointment, letting your loved one know how they can help can make them feel more confident in providing support. Be specific about what you need: “I’d appreciate it if you could check in on me every few days” or “Can you help me find a therapist?”
6. Be Patient and Give Them Time
Your loved one might need time to process what you’ve shared. They might not fully understand your feelings right away. Be patient and give them the space to absorb the information and ask questions. It’s important to recognize that their initial reaction may not reflect their long-term support.
7. Encourage Questions
Encourage your loved one to ask questions. This can help clarify any misconceptions and foster a deeper understanding. Be open to explaining your feelings and experiences as best as you can, but also set boundaries if certain questions feel too invasive or uncomfortable.
8. Provide Resources
If your loved one seems uncertain or confused, provide them with resources about your mental health condition. This could be articles, books, or websites that explain your situation in more detail. This can help them gain a better understanding and offer more informed support.
9. Express Gratitude
Acknowledge and appreciate your loved one’s willingness to listen and support you. A simple “Thank you for listening” or “I appreciate your support” can go a long way in strengthening your relationship and encouraging ongoing support.
10. Follow Up
Mental health conversations shouldn’t be a one-time discussion. Keep your loved ones updated on your progress and let them know how their support is helping. Regular follow-ups can help maintain open communication and provide ongoing opportunities for support.
11. Consider Professional Help Together
Sometimes, involving a mental health professional can be beneficial for both you and your loved ones. Family therapy or counseling sessions can provide a safe space for everyone to express their feelings and learn how to support each other effectively.
12. Take Care of Yourself
Remember that your well-being is a priority. If a conversation becomes too overwhelming or if your loved one reacts negatively, take a step back and prioritize your own mental health. Seek support from a therapist or support group to help you navigate these challenges.
Discussing your mental health issues with loved ones is a brave and important step towards recovery and support. By preparing yourself, being honest and direct, and encouraging ongoing communication, you can foster understanding and create a supportive network. Remember, you don’t have to face your mental health challenges alone—opening up is the first step towards finding the help and support you need.
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