Finding Everyday Joy: How Black Women Can Cultivate Peace in Daily Life

Finding Joy in the Moment

Photo Credit: Dani DG via iStockPhoto.com

By: Jamila Gomez

Joy doesn’t always show up in big milestones or picture-perfect moments. For many Black women, joy has to be chosen — carved out between responsibility, exhaustion, and the weight of expectations we never asked to carry. Finding joy in everyday moments isn’t about pretending struggle doesn’t exist. It’s about refusing to let hardship be the only story we live inside of.

One of the most powerful ways to access everyday joy is through presence. Not the rushed, half-checked-out version of moving through the day — but intentional presence. That might look like slowing down long enough to taste your morning tea instead of gulping it while multitasking. It might be stepping outside for two minutes of fresh air between calls, letting the sun hit your face, and acknowledging, “I’m still here.” Joy grows when we stop running autopilot scripts and actually witness our own lives in real time.

Another path to joy comes from creating room for pleasure without guilt. Too many Black women have been conditioned to earn rest, to justify peace, to explain why we deserve softness. Choosing joy in small pleasures is an act of resistance. Light the candle you bought “for special occasions.” Play the song that shifts your mood and let yourself dance in the kitchen. Make a cup of hot cocoa for no reason other than it feels good. You don’t have to wait until the crisis is over to enjoy something simple. Joy doesn’t disrespect your pain. It reminds you there is still more to you than what hurts.

Connection is also a daily doorway to joy — not just deep friendships, but micro-connections we overlook. Sharing a laugh with a coworker, exchanging a knowing nod with another Black woman in the grocery aisle, texting someone who “gets it” without needing a long explanation. These tiny reminders that we are not alone carry more weight than we often acknowledge. Seeking — and allowing — connection is a way of letting joy breathe in community instead of suffering silently in isolation.

There’s also joy in honoring the body you live in today, not the version you think you “should” have by now. That might mean stretching before bed, taking a slow walk, putting on lotion with intention instead of rushing through it. It might be looking in the mirror and naming something you genuinely appreciate — your smile, your strength, your resilience — without tearing yourself apart first. Joy shows up when we stop treating our bodies like problems to fix and start treating them like homes to care for.

Another everyday practice is celebrating small wins — especially the ones nobody else sees. Maybe you sent the email you’d been avoiding. Maybe you set a boundary, or chose not to argue, or allowed yourself to cry instead of pushing through. Those moments matter. Black women are often praised for surviving chaos, but everyday joy grows when we acknowledge growth that doesn’t come from struggle. Naming these moments out loud shifts the narrative from “I made it” to “I am becoming.”

There is also joy in letting yourself dream — not in a distant, someday way, but through small acts of intention. Journaling for five minutes. Making a list of things you want more of, not just what you’re trying to escape. Rearranging a corner of your space so it feels like yours again. Joy expands when we allow ourselves to imagine a life that isn’t built only around endurance.

And finally, there is joy in giving yourself permission to be human. Not perfect. Not constantly strong. Human. Some days joy will feel loud and full. Other days it will be quiet and tender — a deep breath, a soft smile, a moment of release. But when you choose to notice it, protect it, and claim it without apology, everyday joy becomes less of a luxury and more of a practice — one that honors your wholeness, not just your survival.

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The Power of Not Going Back

Photo Credit: PeopleImages via iStockPhoto.com

By: Jamila Gomez

At some point in life, we’ve all faced moments where we’ve been deeply hurt. Whether it’s by people, places, or situations, these experiences can leave lasting wounds. What’s important, though, is not just how we heal but also the decisions we make moving forward. One of the most empowering choices we can make is to not go back to what hurt us.

Here’s why breaking free is so crucial for your personal growth and well-being.

1. Healing Isn’t Linear, But Reopening Wounds Sets You Back

Healing from emotional pain is a process. It’s not always smooth, and there will be ups and downs. However, when you go back to the environments, people, or situations that caused the pain, you risk reopening wounds that were starting to heal. Imagine a physical wound—each time you tear it open, it takes longer to close. Emotional scars work the same way. Returning to a toxic person, an unhealthy relationship, or a damaging environment may undo the hard work you’ve put into your recovery.

2. Growth Requires New Spaces and Connections

To grow as individuals, we need to challenge ourselves, learn, and experience new things. Growth seldom happens in places of comfort, and it almost never occurs in environments that suppress our potential. When we return to toxic people or situations, we often fall into old habits and mindsets. It’s difficult to move forward when you’re stuck in the past, constantly replaying hurtful scenarios.

New people and new spaces bring fresh perspectives. They encourage you to think differently and explore parts of yourself that you may have neglected or buried in painful environments. By staying in situations that hurt you, you’re limiting your growth and denying yourself the chance to thrive in healthier, more positive spaces.

3. You Deserve Peace and Respect

One of the hardest lessons to learn is that not everyone and everything deserves your time and energy. When you keep returning to people or situations that have consistently hurt you, you’re indirectly telling yourself that you don’t deserve better. But you do.

You deserve relationships that are based on mutual respect, where you feel safe, valued, and understood. You deserve to spend time in environments that uplift you, not ones that drain your energy or make you feel small. Recognizing your own worth and respecting your boundaries is key to building a life where peace and contentment are the norms, not the exceptions.

4. Breaking the Cycle of Toxicity

Often, going back to hurtful situations feels familiar. It may even feel easier than starting fresh because we get used to certain patterns of behavior, even if they’re harmful. But this cycle of toxicity can be devastating for our mental and emotional health.

Each time you return to a toxic person or situation, you’re reinforcing the belief that this is what you deserve, and you become more entangled in a web of pain, resentment, and frustration. Breaking free from this cycle is a powerful act of self-love and strength. It says, “I am more than this pain, and I am not defined by this experience.”

5. The Fear of the Unknown Is Temporary, but Freedom Lasts

One of the main reasons people return to hurtful situations is fear—fear of being alone, fear of the unknown, or fear that there’s nothing better out there. But the fear of the unknown is temporary. What feels uncomfortable at first will gradually become empowering as you start to realize that there is a world beyond the pain. New opportunities, relationships, and experiences are out there waiting for you, but you can only find them if you’re willing to let go of what no longer serves you.

Stepping into the unknown is a form of liberation. It allows you to explore new paths, discover new strengths, and ultimately create a life where you are not weighed down by the burdens of the past.

6. Trust in Your Ability to Rebuild

Sometimes we go back to painful situations because we think it’s too late to start over. We convince ourselves that we’ve invested too much time, energy, or love into something to let it go. But the truth is, no investment in your well-being is ever wasted. Walking away doesn’t mean failure; it means choosing yourself.

You have the strength to rebuild. It may be slow, and there will be moments of doubt, but each step forward is a victory. Trust in your ability to create something new and better. By not going back to what hurt you, you’re giving yourself the chance to rebuild a life that is aligned with your values, desires, and emotional well-being.

Choose Freedom, Not Familiar Pain

It takes immense courage to walk away from people, places, and situations that hurt us. Familiarity can often trick us into thinking we should stay, but it’s essential to remember that comfort isn’t always good for you. Growth, healing, and self-respect often require making the hard choice to leave behind what no longer serves you.

By choosing not to go back, you’re prioritizing your mental and emotional health, investing in your personal growth, and creating space for better things to enter your life. The path forward may be unknown, but it is a journey toward freedom, peace, and self-love—a journey that you are more than capable of walking.

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