When Grief Is Complicated: Mourning Someone You Weren’t Close to Anymore
Mourning someone you weren’t close to anymore can bring complicated grief marked by guilt, confusion, and unresolved emotions — a deeply human experience that deserves space, honesty, and healing. We discuss it here!
Photo Credit: PeopleImages via iStockPhoto.com
By: Jamila Gomez
Grief doesn’t always arrive in the form we expect. Sometimes, it shows up quietly — not with tears and flowers, but with confusion, tension, and a subtle ache that lingers in the chest. This is what complicated grief often looks like — especially when mourning someone you had a strained, distant, or unresolved relationship with.
When someone passes away, society expects a certain kind of response. We’re supposed to remember only the good. We’re supposed to show up in mourning clothes with clean emotions and shared memories. But what about the people we weren’t close to anymore? The ones we had history with, but also hurt, distance, or emotional friction? What happens when someone passes before there’s been a chance to reconcile, repair, or even fully process what the relationship meant?
That kind of grief hits differently.
It brings with it a heavy blend of emotions — sadness, guilt, regret, relief, confusion. Sometimes the connection was real, but fractured. Sometimes it never quite healed. And now the opportunity for understanding, clarity, or closure is gone.
For many people in the Black community, these emotional complexities are even harder to name out loud. There’s pressure to stay composed. To be strong. To not speak ill of the dead. But grief doesn’t follow those rules. Especially not when there’s unfinished business.
Complicated grief might sound like:
• “I cared about them, but I’m not sure I liked who they were to me.”
• “We used to be close, and then we weren’t… and now I don’t know how to feel.”
• “I wanted to reach out, but I didn’t know how. And now I can’t.”
All of that is valid.
Mourning someone you weren’t close to anymore is still grief. It still deserves tenderness.
So what can be done with these feelings?
We start by telling the truth.
By giving ourselves permission to grieve without needing it to look perfect.
By honoring the bond for what it was — not what we wish it could’ve been.
And by remembering that complexity doesn’t make the loss less real. It just makes it more human.
To anyone holding this kind of grief:
You don’t owe anyone a neat story.
You don’t need to explain why it hurts.
You’re allowed to feel it all — even when it doesn’t make sense.
That, too, is a form of healing.
And that, too, deserves space.
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Understanding Seasonal Depression in the Black Community
Seasonal depression, also known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), significantly impacts Black communities due to cultural stigma, systemic barriers, and limited access to culturally competent care. We discuss it here!
Photo Credit: FatCamera via iStockPhoto.com
By: Jamila Gomez
Seasonal depression, or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), affects millions of people worldwide, but its impact on Black communities is often overlooked. This form of depression, typically linked to shorter days and reduced sunlight during fall and winter, can exacerbate mental health challenges in Black individuals due to unique cultural, systemic, and social factors.
What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?
SAD is a type of depression that usually emerges in the fall and winter months when daylight hours decrease. Common symptoms include fatigue, feelings of sadness, irritability, difficulty concentrating, and changes in appetite or sleep patterns. For many, these symptoms can interfere with daily life and well-being.
The Intersection of SAD and Black Identity
Black people face unique challenges when it comes to mental health. Systemic racism, economic disparities, and limited access to culturally competent mental health care can make diagnosing and managing SAD more difficult. Additionally, cultural stigma around mental health in many Black communities can discourage individuals from seeking help, leaving them to cope alone.
The physical symptoms of SAD, such as low energy and mood changes, may also be misattributed to external stressors or dismissed as minor concerns. However, SAD is a legitimate mental health condition requiring attention and care.
Barriers to Treatment
Access to mental health care is often inequitable. Studies show that Black Americans are less likely to receive a diagnosis for depression or to be treated for it, compared to white individuals. This disparity is compounded during the winter months, when SAD symptoms peak but awareness and resources remain low. Additionally, many therapeutic interventions, like light therapy or medication, may not be readily accessible in underserved communities.
Strategies for Managing SAD
1. Light Therapy: Using a light therapy box can help compensate for reduced sunlight.
2. Vitamin D: Many Black individuals are prone to Vitamin D deficiency due to melanin’s impact on sunlight absorption. Supplements may help boost mood and energy.
3. Culturally Competent Therapy: Finding a therapist who understands the lived experiences of Black individuals can provide tailored support.
4. Community Support: Leaning on family, friends, and community groups can be a vital source of encouragement and resilience.
Breaking the Stigma
Talking openly about mental health and encouraging help-seeking behaviors is crucial in addressing SAD within the Black community. Education, advocacy, and culturally relevant interventions are key to ensuring no one suffers in silence. By acknowledging and addressing SAD, Black individuals can prioritize their mental health and thrive year-round.
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