Why Do Black Men Belittle Black Women To Justify Dating White Women?

By: Omar Cook

There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating outside your race, lets get that out the way before y'all twist my words. This is modern day America, where a melting pot of cultures from around the world mesh together. Sure there are still issues between races, but this is 2018, interracial dating has truly become commonplace. Dating outside of your race which was frowned upon once upon a time in America, is now something that you see everyday. Interracial dating is not the problem. 

The issue at hand is that there are certain black men that will belittle black women to justify dating outside of their race. Why do you even have to say anything negative about black women? First of all, no one cares that you date who you date, just go about your business. Black women will find someone that loves them regardless of who your preference is. If dating a white woman or whoever, makes you happy, by all means go for it. Black women are already under appreciated as it is, so for black men to be the ones putting them down, it's extremely ignorant.

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I have heard a variety of reasons from my counterparts about why they won't date black women and here are a few of them:

• Black women are loud and angry

• Black women can be controlling

• Black women have bad attitudes

• Black women don't put out like other women of other races

How ridiculous does this stuff sound. To me, it sounds like certain black men want someone they can easily control and fetishize over them, and they know black women aren't going for that. You come from a black mother, a black family and still find a way to devalue your own people. It's okay to love who you love, but it's possible to appreciate black women while dating outside your race. 

This definitely goes deeper than just dating white women though. Certain black men have an obsession for dating "foreign" women, a preference that keeps them close minded to dating black women in general. We've all heard the phrase "if it ain't foreign, it's boring." Why do we have this type of preference? Having certain preferences in women you date is cool, but choosing women just because they're foreign or white is high-key weird. Just because they're "foreign" does not mean they aren't coming with the same baggage and issues that you believe black women bring.

>> SEE ALSO: Why Afrofuturism Is A Fierce Instrument Of Black Empowerment And Liberation

Black men have to do better with valuing our own women instead of putting them down. Like what gratification does it give you to talk down on black women just to say you only date a certain race of women or you have a preference? What good comes from that? We really aren't too far removed from a period in time where black men were getting lynched and castrated for even talking to white women, now that's your only preference? Ignorance is an abundance right now and black men need to wake up and realize how stupid you look putting down your own women. 

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Does Black Wealth Create Division Amongst Our Own?

Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com - Does Black Wealth Create Division Amongst Our Own?

“I notice a lot of black people view wealth as a bad thing that only creates division.”

By: Deveney Marshall

A few days ago I stumbled upon a twitter rant with a guy speaking about how black wealth can never be a real thing, I decided to read the entire thread before I jumped to any conclusions on what he was trying to say, but the more I read the more infuriated I became. His whole take was that most black people in this country financially struggle and that we have to “first stay afloat before we even think about wealth.” He even went on to discourage black people from even trying to obtain wealth and “to just worry about themselves and not the next generation.”

The thread left me very perplexed. It was clear this person had never looked at the world on a broader spectrum and only could see blackness and our finances from his viewpoint. I was even more confused by the amount of other black people that had replied agreeing with him, and the overwhelming amount of retweets and likes the thread had. Had it never occurred to him or these other black people that black wealth was attainable? And furthermore, that some black people had already attained it?

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Like with everything else in this life, wealth, is a subject matter that is incredibly nuanced. Everyone defines the word differently, and most often people believe it is only associated with specific ethnic backgrounds. Now I’m not naive, I will acknowledge that non-black people, specifically white people have the upper hand in attaining wealth due to white privilege and systematic oppression against minorities, however, I still believe it is very possible for us as well. Yes the odds are stacked against us more, and we will have more of a difficulty achieving affluence than our racial counterparts, it still can be attainable for us.

Something I’ve noticed is that a lot of black people view wealth as a bad thing that only creates division. While I will agree this is partially true based off of how this country handles financial power, I don't believe black wealth would have the same negative effects. Instead of using wealth to enslave others, we would use that financial power to liberate a large portion of our people. An abundance of black wealth would provide resources that cater to the empowerment of black people, and help improve our livelihoods, mental health, and institutions.

For instance, take Lebron James starting his public school, he is going to change the course of so many black kids lives by giving them the resources they need to succeed. This will go on to have a domino effect on other black youth, since most likely the students will become inspired to help others. If Lebron would have listened to the advice of that pessimistic tweeter and shied away from being a pro athlete, he would have never cared to invest his riches and create wealth. Furthermore, stopping the progression of so many black lives. Don’t be fooled by the media, angry tweeters, and statics that favor systematic oppression. There are so many black and wealthy individuals who are investing in our people and our advancement. We do not have to be like our racial counterparts, and use wealth to control.

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As black people, we have to stop placing limitations on ourselves. Financial freedom will never be easy for us, but that doesn't mean we should give into systematic inequality, and not even try. Black wealth would make a significant difference, and the people in power know this, which is why they attempt to keep it out of our reach.

We owe it to our ancestors to build impactful black communities. They did not fight, die, and lose their freedom for us to sit back and not take hold of our own narratives. We also owe it to the many generations that will come, to leave legacies that will give them a leg up in life. Having financial freedom does not mean they will become lazy or entitled, it will give them the opportunities to create the fruitful villages our ancestors dreamt about.

Black people please know you can obtain generational affluence and financial freedom. It is not out of your reach like they want you to believe. From this day forward, I want all of the black people reading this to make a vow to themselves that they will leave a financial legacy behind. I’m a firm believer that whatever you speak will come to pass. Understand that you do not work as hard as you do to just pay bills or “stay afloat.” Black people deserve to live a life filled with financial prosperity as well. So go out into the world and create the financially abundant life I know you can have. And if you find yourself questioning do you deserve this? Then obtain it for your people, your lineage, and most importantly your ancestors.

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Can You Truly Give Sexual Consent To Have Drunk Sex?

By: Alyssa Cole

With the topic of rape being at an all-time high in our society today, we now question doing certain acts that can lead to things we cannot foresee as going wrong or diminishing our reputation. Charlamagne Tha God of the Breakfast Club talked recently about an experience where him and his now wife had drunk sex for their first time and the media ran with it stating that he had raped his wife because there was no sexual consent. Raped?! No Consent?! This in fact was not true!

Although the rumor was quickly cleared up, it makes you wonder how society views drinking or being under the influence when the end result leads to sex with someone. How can you really tell if it’s consensual if it’s not verbal? The definition for consensual sex is when both parties agree to have sex each time. You can’t assume that because you both potentially are drunk that it was consented nor can you assume someone wanted to have sex based off their body language or expressions. Some may say it depends on the situation, that since they are dating the person so a verbal consent isn’t needed, or even that things just happened in the moment! But when we look back at the track record of celebrities within the last year that thought they would be ok with their decisions made over 10 years ago in regards to drunk sex or high sex, it makes us ask ourselves, are we being smart and is the drinking and smoking that may lead to sex really worth potential future consequences.

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According to rainn.org, 1 out of every 6 American Women and 1 out of every 33 American Men have been a victim of an attempted or completed rape. More often the abuser is someone who also is familiar with the person which is disheartening. Did you know there is a form of sexual assault specifically focused on drugs and alcohol use as well? There is levels to it yes! The person who just left the party and can barely walk in a straight line would not exactly be the ideal person to strike up a conversation with. Even when you may be helping someone who is under the influence get back to safety, it’s important if possible to have a witness with you to prevent any accusations from being created. You may be saying to yourself, “Well the person didn’t have a lot to drink so do I still need to ask?” How can you tell when someone has reached their limit? How many people do you know that can predict when they are about to black out? Not many right?

The worst thing is having sex with someone and the person has no memory the following day due to the level of inebriation they experienced. Just imagine if that happened to you where you were out having a good time and BOOM! You wake up next to someone you may or may not know and don’t know how you got there! Disturbing and scary right? One of the common things that you may hear someone ask the person who was under the influence is “Would you really have had sex with that person if you were sober?” Again, this depends on the person. If the actions were not displayed before the person was under the influence, it’s typically easy to figure out the answer.

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Let’s face it, for years people (typically men) have decided to make the first move to initiate sexual activity, but a serious question to ask yourself is “Was it to satisfy us or just me?” Did they tell you they wanted it just as much as you did? Maybe they did or didn’t. Overall, a few things to take away from the constant discussion of rape and sexual assault, especially when drugs and alcohol are involved, are two things. One, try to have self control and not have sex especially with someone new while under the influence to prevent any potential problems and two, take a moment out to ask the other person if they would like to do it first! One simple question can be life changing without you even knowing it right away. Choose Wisely.

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HBCU Lifestyle: 9 Tips To Surviving And Conquering HBCU Life

Photo by Brianna Paciorka - HBCU Lifestyle: 9 Tips To Surviving And Conquering HBCU Life

HBCU life is an experience you will never forget! Here are 9 tips to surviving and conquering at your HBCU!

1. Get In Good With The Cafe Workers

The cafe is a major staple at all HBCU colleges! Cafe swipes are some of the most precious commodities you can while in school, but young people like to eat and occasionally…those swipes run out before the end of the week. So what do you do? This is where getting in good with the cafe workers comes in handy. That sweet old lady that works the door might just let you in without any swipes left because you’ve built a relationship and have been respectful all semester long. You might see yourself getting some extra servings on fried chicken Monday because you got cool with the worker who scoops the red rice and beans. Building relationships early on in college is crucial, and there’s no better place to start then with the people who serve you your food. 

2. Go To Class!

So you're not in high school anymore and your mom and dad aren’t there yelling at you to wake up and get ready for school. Your schedule is spread out and some days you may only have 1 or 2 classes with the rest of the day to yourself. That leaves a lot of room to get lazy and the mindset of “i’ll just skip class today and go next time” or getting someone to sign your name on the roll can easily start to sink in. College is certainly not as hard as it’s made out to be but it’s definitely not easy either and it takes a little finessing of the system to get through. A lot of times, just showing up to class consistently, participating, and showing the professor you care will get you the grade you desire, and at the very least you will pass. If you are on the border of a pass fail grade, most professors will not pass you if they have no idea who you are and you waited until the last couple weeks of school to start showing some effort. Stay in your professor’s face and get those grades!

3. Have School Pride- Put Some Respeck On Your School Name

Having pride for your HBCU is a must! No one is going to respect your school except the people you go to school with. You have to not only defend your school’s name from your biggest rivals, you have to defend it from the PWI students who will decide to throw shade on your school’s name around every once in a while. 

HBCU pride is a full time job and you signed up for it by agreeing to go to your school. Get you some HBCU apparel and show people why your school is the top HBCU! All black colleges are ultimately in competition with one another to prove who is the best HBCU. When it’s rivalry time, you have to fulfill your duties and get on twitter and instagram and talk the most sh*t you can and pull out your best memes. Never let muscle milk University (Grambling) speak on your timeline without getting checked. Period. 

4. Go To Events - Turn Up!

There’s a time and a place for everything; a time to study, a time to relax, and time to turn up. Going to an HBCU, there will be tons of exciting events; pageants, sporting events, mixers, on campus activities, HOMECOMING, and parties! Make some room for the all of this; the last thing you want is to leave college and say “I wish I wold have went to..” or “I wish I would have did..” Have as much fun as possible, this is the time of your life and most likely you will never be in this kind of environment full time again once you graduate.

Photo by Kevin Coles - Howard Bison Cheerleaders

5. Discretion

The last thing you want is to be on campus and everybody knows your business. Outside of the obvious of practicing good morals, your reputation is everything! People will remember you down the line for things that you did in college whether good or bad. Don’t get caught up in the wrong things and wrong people. Do not build a reputation for sleeping with 20 different people your freshman year or getting caught doing something on camera. People will talk, and in a social media age, barely anything worthy of gossip slips by. Have fun, but practice safe sex and be very cautious about who you do things with because not everyone has your best intentions in mind. If ever you need a reminder of discretion, just read some of the posts on HBCU Confessions.

6. Don’t Do 8ams Unless You Absolutely Have To

8ams are the devil. It’s crazy because in high school, you probably started school somewhere around 7am everyday, for 4 years. 8am should be a breeze right? NEGATIVE. Unless you're a certified morning person, or a student athlete that has to have classes done by a certain time, do not load your week up with 8am classes. It’s an almost guarantee that you will be late or miss a few classes because you were up late the night before. Put yourself in the best position to succeed. 

7. Cheat Or Repeat - The Art Of Finesse

Now we’re not telling you to cheat, but you gotta do what you have to do! Eventually you're going to meet your match as far as classes go (biology, law class, economics,etc) and cheat or repeat is the only option! Write some notes on some note cards, take pics on your phone, get with a group of people that are down for the cause and finesse together! Team work makes the dream work. BUT, if you just know you're not a good finesse, DO NOT make an attempt at cheating. Don’t put yourself at jeopardy if you know can’t handle the repercussions. But so we're clear we did not just teach you how to cheat and you didn’t hear this from us!

Photo Credit: @mosope_ - HBCU Deltas

8. Join An Organization - Get Active On Campus

There are tons of organizations to get involved in. You can join a community service group, a fraternity, a sorority, SGA, clubs; a social club can help you get out of your shell and comfort zone and develop social skills necessary for the future! Black greeks are prevalent at universities. Do not go 4 years of college without joining some type of organization on campus. Get involved and help your school become better than it was. This will also provide you with networking opportunities and you will build relationships with people you probably never would have talked to on campus. Be open minded to trying new things.

Photo by Brianna Paciorka - Human Jukebox of Southern University

9. Be Social And Network

HBCU life is crazy. There’s people from all over the country, parties, events, and the atmosphere is exactly what you want as a black student. Make as many friends as possible and meet and connect with people you normally wouldn’t talk with on a daily basis. You are all there for the same reason, to get your education and be successful. You never know who’s going to be who 4 to 5 years after graduation and that connection you made in college might just be the connection that leads you to you dream job. Your college friends are extremely valuable and some of these relationships you will carry with you for a long time. Make a serious attempt to make friends and build a positive relationship with them and at the same time, understand that people come around you in seasons. Someone who may be your best of friends your 1st semester, you might not even be talking with them by time junior year rolls around. Shake off the stragglers, see it pushing and stay open to meeting new people.

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