Dating Tips For Women: Why Pre-Dates Are A Waste Of Time
By: Deveney Marshall
I’m not sure what bright-eyed millennial first presented the idea of a pre-date, but the concept quickly took over social media and began to be discussed by everyone. All over Twitter, you couldn’t scroll through a few tweets a couple of ago without seeing someone ask “what is a pre-date?” Or if people would partake in one. It was clear many people were divided about the topic, and before I knew it the conversation grew from “would you go a pre-date?” to “women are gold-diggers” to “men are broke.” Becoming yet another debate of men vs women on social media.
According to Twitter, a pre-date is defined as a getting acquainted meeting between two individuals to determine if you truly want to go on a real date with the person or not. The idea seemed simple enough, but that was not how people saw it. Since men traditionally pay for first dates, a lot of them were for the concept. They believed it would provide them the opportunity to determine if a woman was “using them for a free meal or not.” Whereas, most women were anti the idea, viewing the concept as just another way men were trying to control this already patriarchal society. Women saw pre-dates as more of a determining scale of whether they were worthy to be taken on an actual date or not, an idea that is presented on Twitter often.
The conversations of “ women being worthy enough of…” is something that is often discussed on social media sites and in real everyday life. It’s no secret, that society expects women to fit within this unrealistic ideal box, and if she refuses then she shouldn’t expect to receive the same rewards as the women that do. Rewards such as respect, marriage, and quality dates, because let’s be honest, most people don’t view those notions as things women deserve but more as concepts women are rewarded for having “good behavior.” Pre-dates seemed to be just another way to prolong the reward of a decent date. Something women deserve to have anyway.
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All in all even after women presented the problems with a said pre-date, a few men continued to argue that the idea had nothing to do with a woman’s worth but more about their wallets. They began to express how they were tired of taking women on dates that had little to no interest in them, and felt a pre-date would help the men to determine a woman’s real intentions. A point I could understand, however, one pre-date will not help expose someone’s ill intentions, that is something that can only be realized over time.
As much as everyone could go back and forth over the idea of pre-dates, the larger issue this discussion brings up is our generations’ lack of self-awareness. All of the worries a pre-date is supposed to cure could be eliminated if us millennials honed in on our self-awareness and asked more questions. We need to start asking ourselves things like: Does this person like me as more than a friend? Do I have the same ideals as them? Do we laugh at the same things? Do we have the same pastimes in common? Then, it would become obvious if someone could potentially match our romantic interest or not. And guess what? You could do all of those things and then go on a date and it still not work out. Not every date you go on is supposed to end with a fairy tale ending.
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The sooner our generation realizes that concepts like a “pre date” or “talking” won’t save us from being hurt or used, the better off we’ll be. Dating isn’t easy, but it is not supposed to be overly complex either. Dating is a supposed to be a learning tool to help you figure out exactly what you want and don’t want in your future partner. So don’t waste your time going on or asking for a pre-date. Go on a real date, enjoy the experience and just talk! If it turns into more great, and if it doesn’t...well at least you have another funny story to tell your future grandkids.
*Deveney Marshall is a New Orleans-based filmmaker, actress, and freelance writer. She runs the lifestyle & beauty website thedevandthecity.com. Follow her thoughts & life on twitter and IG: @devandthecity
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