Relationship Therapy: 4 Steps To Help With Trust Issues In A Relationship
By: Alyssa Cole
Trust is one of the single most important things there is to have between you and another person. Whether it's your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, or even co-workers, having trust is important to the success of all healthy relationships especially a serious relationship. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you lost trust in someone? They lied to you about something? They kept something important from you? They weren’t honest with you about something that was impactful to you?
This is very common! You may see social media today quotes and tweets with people saying things like “I have trust issues”, “I’m afraid to open up”, “I don’t want to get close to anybody”, “I’m tired of being hurt”. Losing trust in someone special to you can seem like the end of the world sometimes and for many, it can take a long time to regain trust.
Lack of trust, however, is one the worst traits to have when you are trying to develop a new relationship or to save one. Many couples have experienced situations that created a lack of “trust” and the end results have been heartbreaking. Sometimes situations are better off ending, but the ones worth saving require a few steps to get back to that happy medium. Let’s discuss some steps to take when trying to learn how to trust again.
1) Switch Shoes - Switching places with the person that broke your trust to understand why they made the choice that they did, can be very beneficial to you. Have you stopped to ask yourself why they kept something from you? Was it to really hurt you? Was it intentional? Having an open mind to think about the other person’s mindset could help you get a better understanding of the situation.
2) Right Time, Right Place - When you’ve had time to think things through about the situation that hurt you, decide when is the right opportunity to bring the conversation up to find a solution. If you react too quickly, the relationship can suffer damages that may be avoided if you wait just a little while to think things out. There is a time and a place for everything, especially when getting back together.
3) Tone is Everything - The way you approach your first conversation after the situation can potentially determine the results. You could be having thoughts like "I don't wanna do this anymore" or "should I break up with my boyfriend" but take your time and think through. You’re already upset, you’re emotional, and possibly still gathering your thoughts even when going into the conversation, so choose wisely your attitude and volume when talking. When tension is high, there is a greater risk of escalation and it’s crucial to avoid any unnecessary conflict. Remember this is someone you care about! Even though you may be upset, remember to keep your cool, watch your tone, and respect each other’s space. Just talk it out; communication in relationships can keep you from breaking up with someone you love and ending a relationship.
4) Talk It Out, Move Forward - Once you have the conversation, the most important thing from there is to LET IT GO! This is the step that many people struggle with depending on the situation. How often have you heard someone say that they tried but they just couldn’t stop thinking about the past? No! No! No! If you let the past control your relationship, you could end up in a broken relationship! Be strong enough to let the situation go and move forward with them if it’s a relationship truly working saving. Even if you can’t accept the situation and remain close to the person, make it a goal to forgive them, to move forward, and to not hold a grudge over it. Remember that when you don’t forgive, you give the other person power over you. Don’t you want your power? Talk it out and move forward!
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Without trust, no serious relationship can be stable, so as people we must learn how to trust and when we lose our trust in others, we must be willing to forgive and to move forward without holding on to past hurt. When you let the pain go, that is when you start to truly live and love again.
Lastly, take your time when healing to ensure that your trust in other's won't suffer in the future. The last thing you want to do is lose out on great people due to holding on to the past right? Remember, trust is key!