How Do You Know When It's Meant To Be?
By: Omar Cook
Dating in today’s culture is unlike any other time in history. With so many new distractions, and so much access to people, it’s hard to tell what’s real. We have so many different things to consider when dating someone, that figuring out someone’s true intentions is like a full time job itself. There’s a few questions that we all ask ourself at some point in a relationship:
Is this person for real?
Are you faithful behind my back?
What are their true intentions?
These particular questions are interesting because they can never be truly answered, they require you to trust that the other person is keeping it real with what they’re showing you. Relationships are definitely not easy considering we’re all trying to find balance between work and personal life, but relationships are essential to all of us and having a solid intimate relationship is a journey in itself. So how do you know when you found the right one?
If we’re being honest, relationships can be scary! Love is the most powerful force on this earth. It can be fulfilling and destructive at the same time. I talk with my girl all the time about relationships and we often talk about the reality of relationships. I’m more of hopeless romantic than she is, where I truly believe that I have found “the one”, the person I want to spend my life with, my soulmate. She is the person that keeps things in a reality perspective, that even though we may think we are “meant to be”, meant to be doesn’t always mean forever...it could just be for the time. WOW. How scary is that? The person that you love and are with at this very moment...reality says that this could be temporary and just another life lesson you need to learn.
These types of conversations scare me because thinking of a possibility that we wouldn’t end up together is not something I’m ready to face. As strong as the force of love is, real life is a stranger to none of us, AKA...shit happens. People get cheated on, people fall out of love, people get comfortable and stop doing what they did early on, or you just may find out that you’re not as compatible as you think.
While we all chase that happily ever after feeling, I believe every relationship holds a life lesson in it, and every relationship is attached to our destiny. Every person that you engage in a relationship with teaches you something and ultimately shapes your views on the world. I also believe God put the keys to our life’s purpose in our relationships, because he knows how much we value love and relationships. The person that you’re with is supposed to give you something, something that pushes you farther into the next step of your life, whether you end up with them or not.
The feeling of love is a great thing, but understand that a real relationship has to be deeper than that. You should ask yourself, what is the value of having this person in my life and how are they helping to push me forward? What are you learning about yourself from this person? People and experiences are teachers, and life is one big test.
When I took this type of thinking into consideration, I looked back over every relationship I’ve had, and accessed what lesson I learned from those persons. I hold no bad feelings over anyone because I believe everything happens for a reason and they have ultimately shaped me into who I am right now. Relationships involve a lot of trial and error and we all make mistakes. Sometimes we have to experience loss to appreciate what’s really for us.
One of the scariest realities about relationships is that you’re taking a big risk by engaging into an intimate relationship. Relationships literally only have 2 outcomes; you either break up or you get married in the long run. The risk, is you’re risking your whole relationship with this person, someone you probably talk to every single day, and probably consider your best friend, just by dating them. If you get into another relationship after them, you can’t carry this person with you, because what person wants to deal with you with an ex present in your life? You take the risk of losing this person forever or gaining them for a lifetime. Sometimes you’re almost better off just being friends because that has a possibility of lasting longer than an intimate relationship. There may have been several people you dated who you know you could still be friends with had you not gotten into a relationship with. But sometimes that bond is just too strong that you risk it all, and put a title on it. Before you put a title on something, you should ask, am I ready to risk it all for this person?
This whole idea of “meant to be” gets crazy because when you go into a relationship, who really has the expectation of breaking up? You cut off the world for this one person because you believe in them and what they bring to you. But life is weird, because most things are temporary. Most of the people around you won’t even be in your life 5 years from now. With that being said, it’s important to value everyone’s place in your life at this very moment.
If you keep this reality of relationships in mind, that everything “meant to be” doesn’t last forever, the only thing left to do is to live in the moment. Learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them with your current relationship. Be open to learning new things from your partner and don’t shield yourself off because of past experiences. Where you are is exactly where you’re meant to be, and being the best person you can be to your partner is the best chance you have at living happily ever after. To be truly happy in your relationship, you have to be happy with yourself and not expect that person to be the constant source of your happiness, they should just be adding on.
We’re all playing this game of life, looking for that fairy tale ending, but it’s really up to us to create that reality for ourselves.